Dear Snarky – My Mother-In-Law Thought Helping Out After I Just Had a Baby Was Supposed to Be a Vacation

Dear Snarky,xmjr57fd2hwy

 I can’t believe the latest stunt my mother-in-law pulled. I just had my second baby (my first is only 18 months old) and my mother-in- law literally begged to come stay with us and help. I was hesitant because she’s not exactly grandmother of the year, but my husband said we should give his mom a chance to redeem herself. The entire two weeks she was here she did nothing except complain that she was bored and ask when were we going to “finally” do something fun. 

 Then after she left she posted on Facebook that it was the “worst vacation ever.” WTH? Who thinks offering to help your daughter-in-law after she just had a baby is going to be a vacation?

 I told my husband we are done with his mom and he thinks I’m being “postpartum overly emotional” Who’s right here?

 Signed, Not Happy

Dear Not Happy,

You know who needs to take a vacation? You, from your mother-in-law. Perhaps, she doesn’t need to be shunned for life, but you deserve the mental break from having to deal with that hot mess because anyone with a functioning brain stem knows that a “visit” to a house with a new baby and an 18-month-old is not going to be cocktails on the beach. 

Also, it sounds like your husband has some mommy issues and feels like he needs to defend her behavior – so, my condolences to you. Hopefully, as he matures into, what’s that word, oh yeah, a man he’ll wise up to his mother’s head games.

As for now, let your angry go. Your mother-in-law isn’t worth the emotional investment. You need to focus on the positives – your babies.

Dear Snarky – A DNA Test Ruined Our Family Reunion

Dear Snarky,

 My family reunion was a huge fiasco. My idiot cousin got one of those DNA tests and discovered that he had half siblings he didn’t know about. It looks like his dad, my uncle, cheated on his mom because one of those half siblings is my cousin’s age. 

He then thought it would a great idea to being his brand new two half siblings, who he had recently found and been in contact with, to the reunion and introduce them to the family. My uncle said he never even knew he had gotten their mother pregnant and was shocked. My aunt, his wife, got hysterical and we had to call 911 because we actually thought she has having a heart attack or seizure or both.

 Now, my cousin is asking for a family apology from everyone at the reunion for making his two newfound brothers feel so unwelcome. I think he’s the one who should apologize for putting everyone, including these new family members, in such a horrible spot.

 Signed, I need a Xanax.

Dear Xanax,

Your cousin needs his ass kicked. Make no mistake he was not motivated by kindness to his new kin. Nope. He used his two new bros as a weapon to shame and humiliate his father for having what amounts to a secret life. Mission accomplished there, but what he also did was put his mother in a horrendous situation and made his two half-brothers feel like they were part of a freak show at a carnival.

 If there’s any apologies to the family, it should be from your cousin. He needs to apologize to his new brothers for using them for his own messed up game and to his mother for humiliating her. As for his dad – the cheater – that’s a marital issue that everyone needs to stay out of. 

If I were those new family members I think I would go into hiding from your cousin because he sounds C-R-A-Z-Y!

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude  😉 please email snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com

 

Dear Snarky – The Case of the Lifestyle Stalker

 Dear Snarky,de40a8f35bfc8cbe84601905da22c982

I have a friend I’m seriously considering sending a bill to for interior design. It’s either that or I’m never going to talk to her ever again. For three years, I have been planning my dream kitchen. I have the cabinets, flooring, fixtures and even the art picked out which are paintings of a beach in Maine where my family took vacations when I was a child.

 Imagine my disbelief when I go to my friend’s house to see her new kitchen and discover she copied everything I had posted on Pinterest down to the beach paintings. I literally started crying. I asked her why she stole my kitchen and at first she acted all innocent and then said that if it was a secret I shouldn’t have put it on social media.

A week later I’m still angry and hurt. Do you think I should send her a bill to get the point across that she ripped off my kitchen?

 Signed, Devastated

Dear Devastated,

Sure, I could go all imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and tell you to take the kitchen copy catting as a compliment, but when I got to the part in the letter where this “friend” bought the beach paintings from your beloved childhood vacation destination I was like, “Oh no, she didn’t.”

The whole thing, quite frankly, is creeping me out, like Lifetime movie of the week creeping me out where the woman first copies your kitchen and then frames you for murder so she can steal your husband and take over your life.

That rant aside, I wouldn’t waste my energy sending this loon a bill for services rendered for kitchen design. Instead I would distance myself – pronto- from this lifestyle stalker. And in the future, I would go old school and keep my home remodeling plans private – just because you never know who’s watching.

 

Dear Snarky – My Sister’s “Poor Me” Act Ruined Our Family Vacay

Dear  Snarky,

 I have some advice for you – never travel with family. For over a year now we have been planning a Disney World trip for my parents 40th wedding anniversary. My parents said they would cover all the airfare and the hotel room charge but any expense beyond that you had to pay for.

 Well, of course, my deadbeat brother-in-law and cheap sister show up and say they have “no money.” We are standing outside the Magic Kingdom and can’t go in because they “need help” getting their tickets. They also “needed help” stuffing their faces at the park and at the end of the trip my mom tells me that my sister and her husband had a room service charge that was almost $500!

 They ruined the trip with their non-stop begging and “poor me” attitude. My parents, my husband and I, along with my two brothers had to take turns paying their way. Then, they have the gall to extend their trip and go off on a beach vacation of their own. So, they can’t pay any money for a Disney trip, but they can afford their own beach vacation. I was so furious I sent them a bill for what they owed everyone and now my mom is mad at me for “stirring things up.”

 I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Did I?

 Signed, Not happy

Dear Not Happy,

 You did nothing wrong and I applaud the fact that you sent them an invoice and I hope you stamped payment due upon receipt in big red letters. The fact that no one has ever called them out on their B.S. is why they have zero problems taken advantage of family members. Not only did they mooch off you, but they did it in such a way that you couldn’t say no. Seriously, standing outside the park with no money – it’s calculated and downright diabolical. They knew, at the very least, that your mom would pay for their tickets. And then for them to go off on their own vacation after fleecing your parents and siblings – I have no words.

Here’s a hard truth – sometimes family members suck and don’t deserve your generosity. Trust me, it’s time for some tough love for this duo and the way I see it they’re lucky all they got was an invoice.

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude 😉 – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or PM on my Snarky FB page.

Dear Snarky – A Nit Picky Co-Worker is Making Me Cray

Dear Snarky,

 There’s a woman at my office who is driving everyone crazy. She’s constantly correcting mistakes, some that I believe are imaginary, with our appearance. From telling us we have a little lint on our pants to food between our teeth or even a stray thread it’s pick, pick, pick all day.

I don’t even think she’s doing it to be nice. I think she’s doing it to be a critical witch and to undermine people’s confidence. Last week at a very important meeting she kept gesturing to me that something was on my face. It freaked me out and it turns nothing was wrong with my face.

 How do I shut her down? It’s gone way past just irritating and is starting to affect my job performance.

 Signed, Aggravated at Work

Dear Aggravated,

 Well, of course, the standard response is to talk to your human resource director, but I can see where, if not phrased right, you’ll be the that ones that sounds like you’re being hyper sensitive to a kind co-worker. So, here’s my suggestion.

 Just straight out tell this woman that while you appreciate her laser focus on your appearance, you’ve already lived that life as a teenager with your mother who would nit-pick every aspect of your being before you left the house, so as a grown woman you’re all good with just being free to have lint on your sweater and lipstick on your teeth.

 It’s the classic it’s not you it’s me – and it should work because who wants to be compared to a nagging mother. For sure, she’s going to slip up and correct something, but all you have to do is look at her and say – “Remember I’ve got that mom PTSD thing going on.” (Trust me, your mother won’t mind being being thrown under the bus because you’re never too old to use your mom as an excuse for just about anything.)

Dear Snarky – Help! I’m Crushing On My Contractor

Dear Snarky,

 Help, I think I’m developing feelings for my contractor. I’m happily married, or so I thought, but since we started doing some much-needed home improvement I find myself liking the guy doing the work. He’s funny and charming and I now come home for lunch to “check on how everything’s going” but I’m just using that as an excuse to hang out with him.

 I’m getting concerned. Do I tell my husband about this? I have no intention of taking my feelings any further. I’m just worried that I could feel this way about another guy.

 Signed, Confused

Dear Confused,

 Of course, you have a crush on your contractor he’s probably doing everything you’ve been nagging your husband to do for years and bonus he’s not being a huge grump about it. I don’t think there’s been a handy man, electrician, painter, tile guy, wood rot repairer or plumber that I haven’t felt all dreamy about. Why wouldn’t I? They show up and fix a problem or make something better and they seem to be listening to you. It’s just logical that you’re going to start feeling some strong emotions.

 But you need to get a hold of yourself and realize that you’re not falling in love with your contractor. You’re falling in love with your home improvements. If you want to tell your husband anything I suggest it’s confessing that you’re head over heels with how good your house is going to look. 

 Also, quit going home for lunch. You’re distracting your contractor from doing his job. Remember one of the reasons he’s being nice to you is because you’re his customer, not his friend or, ahem, girlfriend.

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude 😉 – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or PM on my Snarky FB page.

Dear Snarky – It’s My Birthday Cake and I’ll Whine If I Want To

Dear Snarky,

 Everyone at my office now hates me. I’m the executive assistant to the president of a very small company and one of my jobs is being the party planner for special events like the holiday party. I also used to do the  cakes when an employee had a birthday.

I say used to beacause a couple of weeks I sent out a memo saying that we would no longer be doing birthday cakes because all the different dietary requirements in the office was making it a challenge.

 I’m not kidding about this. We’ve got Atkins and Paleo people. Then there’s the gluten and lactose free group and on and on. It was a huge time suck getting cakes that worked with everyone’s diet so I just decided, and my boss agreed, that the whole cake on your birthday thing was over.

 Oh my God, the backlash has been intense. How do I make it stop? It’s really hurting my feelings.

 Signed, I’m Not a Party Pooper

Dear Not a Party Pooper,

 Okay, I’m a little confused here. Do you work in a pre-school or an office with adults? Good Lord, who gets that upset about cakes? I happen to be in a long term relationship with cakes (and cobblers) and not even I would care if I didn’t get a cake on my birthday at my place of work. 

 I’m thinking there’s more going on here than a lack of buttercream frosting in the break room. Perhaps, the cakes gave everyone a chance to step away from their desk and blow off work for a good 30 minutes. So maybe you can still have a cake free “hey it’s your b’day” get together with something that hits all the office dietary restrictions. (I’m guessing that would be water and a veggie tray.)

I also want to add that if the one thing that gets people ticked off at your company is no birthday cakes than everyone needs to count their blessings because in terms of office gripes that’s going to come in pretty low on the list. 

Dear Snarky – I Got Flipped-Flopped At My Office

Dear Snarky,

 I think I might be getting fired. Last week we had an office retreat and the facilitator asked everyone in the group to name one thing that would improve the workplace and I said no more flip-flops because too many people in the office have un-groomed feet and I find it disgusting.

 The very next day I came to work and there were five pairs of flip-flops on my desk. So, I thought ha, ha and I retaliated two days later by leaving nail clippers on the desks of the people who always wear flip-flops. This landed me in the human resource managers office because the clippers were considered a “weapon” and the flip-flop people felt that I was threatening them.

Are you kidding me? Now, I have in my work file that I was creating a hostile environment. I’m panicking. Is this going to get me fired? How do you think I can make this go away?

 Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate,

 Run, do not walk to your Linked in page and start looking for a new job. If you work with people who think nail clippers are a weapon and if your employer agrees then a couple of things are going on here. 1) You’re not the most popular person in the office and the clipper-gate is seen as a way to get rid of you. And 2) You’re at a company that is not a good fit and you need to find a job in a more traditional corporate environment where free ranging, hairy , hobbit feet and dirty toe nails are not welcome.

Look upon this incident as a sign that you need a change. Put on your closed toe shoes and do what ever you need to so you can take a permanent hike out of that office.

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude 😉 – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or PM on my Snarky FB page.

 

Dear Snarky – I Don’t Want My Nephew In My Daughter’s Class

Dear Snarky,

I think I need to get my nephew out of my daughter’s third grade class. The problem isn’t my sweet nephew. It’s his mother – my sister-in-law. She’s the most competitive person I have ever met. My nephew was in private school until my sister-in-law decided it wasn’t good enough so lo and behold now he’s in public school and in my daughter’s class.

This means for the entire school year all I will hear about and see on social media is how much better her son is than my daughter. Also, my sister-in-law will attempt to totally take over the class by basically camping out at the school.

I’m getting anxiety just thinking about it. Do you think I’m overreacting or would you change classes?

Signed, Worried

Dear Worried,

I think there’s a lot more going on here than you’re telling me because I see this as an adult problem being projected onto the children. Since you called your nephew sweet and you don’t mention any conflict between the cousins than I think both would do just fine together in the same class and that it would even be comforting for your nephew – new to the school – to have his cousin there to help him learn the ropes.

Yes, your sister-in-law sounds like a piece of work, but do you want to spend the rest of your child’s entire school career dodging this woman? The loser won’t be you it will be your daughter as you yank her out of this and that so you don’t have to deal with your sister-in-law. Why do you want to give this relative that much control over your life? You need to find a better coping mechanism than playing musical chairs with your child.

You can, in fact, choose to not  to engage in your sister-in-law’s competitive games and when she goes off the rails just do what my mother always did when a family member tried to stir up drama and say, “well bless her heart” and move on. 

Dear Snarky – I Went Off On Some Cheating Swim Moms

Dear Snarky,

I feel like my son got ripped off at a neighborhood swim meet and now I’m being called names because I complained about it.

My son is seven and a super fast swimmer. He hasn’t lost all summer. At his last meet he swam his best time ever for the breaststroke. We were 100% positive he had won. 

Long story short, after all the heats he ended up not only not winning, but not even placing! That is very weird and to make it weirder I heard some of the moms who volunteer at the swim meet (i.e. Basically run it. They sit at a picnic table and tabulate the times as they are handed in) talking about how since it was the last meet of the summer they wanted to make sure some of the kids that hadn’t gotten a first place ribbon finally got one.

I went off on these moms. I told them it’s a swim meet. The fastest kid wins. It’s not about making everyone feel good and how dare they mess with the times.

Now, I’m being called a “crazy swim mom” and it has been suggested I not attend the swim team banquet this week. Am I not right? Shouldn’t it be about the times? And should I go to the banquet.

 Signed, The Fastest Wins

Dear Fastest,

To use a race analogy – it’s a marathon not a sprint. Pace yourself woman.

Yes, I think in a swim meet the fastest swimmer should always win. If these moms wanted to end the season on a feel good note than special ribbons should have been given for best flutter kick or something. If they did indeed mess with the times then they are huge a holes (and a part of me wonders if maybe it was their children that got the blue ribbons that day).

BUT your child is just seven and many more injustices are headed your way. Pick the battle. Mixing it up with some idiotic moms at the last neighborhood swim meet of the summer doesn’t seem worth it. It’s over. Sure, you got to rant, but trust me, it was a wasted effort.

I suggest your family goes to the swim banquet and attempts to have a good time. If anyone says something to you just smile and share that you can’t wait for next year. (That will have them worrying.) Meanwhile, I’d check into finding another swim program because I wouldn’t want to waste another summer on a team where volunteers think it’s okay to jack with the rules. 

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude 😉 – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or PM on my Snarky FB page.