Dear Snarky
My mom and her boyfriend are visiting for three weeks. I love having her here and I love that her boyfriend has helped her find happiness again. But the boyfriend takes pictures all the time .
His favorite thing to do is take pictures without our knowledge or consent. Unflattering pictures that he shares with other people. He thinks it’s funny and the more unattractive the better .
Yesterday I was back from an early morning walk and my mom was just out of the shower and asked me to trim her hair. We were both a mess but we were happily chatting away as I hunkered down and snipped her ends.
Until we realized the boyfriend was sitting across the pool using his zoom lens to snap photos. We both told him not to, and my mom told him to delete them. We were both firm and clearly annoyed.
He just laughed us off. This is a daily thing and I feel like I can’t relax in my own home. I know he sends these to other people because I’ve gotten a group text of a photo of my mom napping with her mouth open, and my daughter has received a picture of me pulling down the legs of my shorts after standing up!
My mom and I are private people. Not every photo needs to be posed or perfect but I feel like there should at least be consent given before it’s shared .
I get up before everyone else and he frequently leaves his camera out by the pool. Can I go into his camera and delete photos that he didn’t have permission to take? Or do I just need to suck it up?
Signed, Frustrated in Florida
Dear Frustrated
Honestly, my first reaction in reading your letter was a hell yes get that camera and start deleting. It’s a huge invasion of privacy. It’s your home. You should be able to feel safe from a freaking camera peeping Tom.
The fact that this man doesn’t respect your wishes while a guest in your home is also a huge sign of disrespect. And his excuse that he thinks it’s funny and shares these photos with other people is actually pretty concerning.
I’m not saying that you should do this but I would “accidently” drop his camera and zoom lens in the pool and when he freaks out tell him you thought it was funny.
If you want to go the more mature route I would tell him that he’s a guest in your home and you’re initiating a no cameras allowed policy and he’s going to have to leave his camera locked in the trunk of his car or somewhere off the premises.
The bottom line is what he’s doing is not okay and it needs to stop. I would also have a private chat with your mom to ensure that this guy she’s dating is treating her well and the only creepy thing about him is that he gets off on spying on people with a zoom lens and then sharing those private moments.
Yeah, when you say that out loud it’s kind of scary isn’t it? So really have that heart to heart with your mom as soon as possible.
**********
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