Dear Snarky,
In March of 2020 when the world shut down my son came home on spring break from college and then graduated virtually in the spring of 2020. We allowed my college age son’s girlfriend to move into our home with our family due to issues she was having at home with her stepmom.
We did not lay down a timeline and almost 4 years later we are paying the price. They are now engaged and have been able to save a nice nest egg for a house and are “actively” house hunting. Yet they have been out bid time and again. Now they have virtually stopped looking.
I’m overwhelmed with the messes they make and don’t clean up. I also get a level of disrespect from the fiancée that has made me cry on multiple occasions.
My son at first would talk to her and it would be ok for a bit then right back to how it was. Now he has backed off and does not want to hear it anymore.
Long and short of it they are 24 & 25 have a nest egg and need to go. We don’t want to force them into a rental situation while they “wait” for the right house but we need our space back and our stress levels down.
How do I without ruining our relationship with our son say times up you gotta go and set a date to do so? They do pay minimal rent under $100 for 2 of them.
Please help before my relationship with his fiancée starts to affect my relationship with our son.
Sincerely
A mom who has a hard time putting down a firm stand.
Dear Mom,
Your generosity to your son and his fiancée needs to end NOW. You are doing them no favor at all by letting them continue to live with you. As long as they have a pretty much free place to live, they’re not going to be motivated to do what they have to do to buy a home.
This ungrateful couple needs a foot in their back to push them out of the door and unless you give them a deadline it’s not going to happen. Who cares if you “force” them into a rental situation. There are things like short term leases or Airbnbs they can live in while they finalize a home purchase. OR maybe they get an apartment and sign a year’s lease while they continue looking for a home. So what if they have to pay money for rent? It’s how many people live. Are they too precious to rent?
The bottom line is none of this is your problem. They are college educated adults and need to figure it out on their own while not living with you.
You have extended amazing generosity for years and it needs to end. The fact that you are being disrespected and bullied in your home by both your son and his fiancée is inexcusable. Please note I added your son because since he is allowing his fiancée to disrespect you makes him part of the problem.
Now will you get push back when you tell the couple that you’re giving them one month to move out? (Trust me that’s enough time to find an apartment or an Airbnb. As for the short notice it’s the only way to do it. If you give them longer than a month it’s too long. They will wear you down or make promises they won’t keep. You need to treat this like removing a bandaid and just rip it off.)
Oh hell yes. It will probably be a whole scene but near fear you won’t lose your son. He’ll be back as soon as he needs something from you or if his relationship goes down the drain.
So do what you know you need to do and end this living arrangement immediately. Life is too short to be made to feel immensely uncomfortable and taken advantage of in your own home.
You need your life back and the couple needs to start their adult life and this is the only way to do it.
Good luck!
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Snarky in the Suburbs 