Dear Snarky,
I’m about to tell my mother to F off. For years I have put up with her dating men that are in my life. Not guys in friend group but men I interact with. For example, back when I was in high school she dated the principal of the school I was attending. She’s also dated my gynecologist, (She met him when she came with me to an appointment.) my college track coach, the ACT prep tutor, the owner of my apartment and now she’s dating my boss.
She met him when she came with me to a Chamber of Commerce after hours event and I introduced her to him. My mom being my boss’s girlfriend has made my work life very awkward especially when she comes to meet him for lunch or just drops by to say hi.
This is my first job out of college and I want to do a great job but with all the side-eye from other employees I feel like whatever success I have from getting a compliment on my work to a pay raise is going to be seen as something I didn’t earn.
How do I tell my mother that she can’t date anyone that is in my life, especially a man who has some authority over me? I’m so done and her dating my boss is the last straw.
Signed, Over It
Dear Over It,
You need a plan and part of that plan should be to begin working on finding a job that is far away from your mom making it harder for her to weasel her way into any aspect of your life.
What’s she done and currently doing is disturbing on so many levels to me. I have zero credentials in the field of psychology, but I can this is a DEFCON 1 creep out. I can also say you’re not changing your mom. I doubt years of therapy could change your mother so the only solution is to distance yourself from her. Hence the plan I already mentioned.
Now while you’re finding this new job far, far, away I suggest you quit taking your mother with you to pretty much anywhere. No networking events, no parties, no doctor’s appointments, no gym workouts, no walks in the neighborhood – right now I wouldn’t even go to the drive thru at McDonalds with her. If your mom wants to see you tell her you’ll come to her home.
Brace yourself because I’ve now got some tough love coming your way. I’m not saying don’t have a relationship with your mother BUT if you still include your mom into your grown-up life knowing her history then you’re part of the problem. This is the time for you to declare your independence, establish boundaries, and make an adult life for yourself that doesn’t include your mother being your plus one, buddy or best friend.
I can also tell you that’s not going to be easy to do without some distance, as in many, many miles, between you two. Now go get on LinkedIn and start looking for a new job and life.
***
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