Dear Snarky – My Friends Are Hating On My New Boyfriend

Dear Snarky,

I’m very disappointed that my friends aren’t supporting my new relationship. I have been there for all my girlfriends during good times and bad and now when I’m so happy all I’ve been getting is attitude from my friends.

The man I’ve been dating for three months is everything I’ve ever wanted. The downsides are that he’s my boss and isn’t divorced from his wife yet. But at work I don’t report to him and he’s not my direct supervisor. He’s the owner of the company and we’re not even on the same floor of offices.

As for not being divorced yet I totally don’t see what the big deal with that is since a ton of people date when they’re separated.

I recently had a little get-together at my apartment (We can’t be in public together because we don’t want any gossip about us.) so they could meet him and my friends were almost hostile to him. I was actually embarrassed that they weren’t more excited. My best friend said she’s worried about me but it’s not like I’m a child. I know what I’m doing. Then after he left they started hating on him

How do I get them to lighten up and show me the same enthusiasm that I have always shown their new relationships? I’m afraid that if they don’t change their attitude our friendships will never be the same.

Signed, Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

It sounds to me that you have some really good friends that aren’t blind to all the red flags that are vigorously popping up around your new relationship. I mean, come on, dating your boss who’s “separated” but still legally married is a recipe for heartbreak and makes you the poster child for bad dating decisions.

First up, the fact that your “boyfriend” is dating one of his employees is a red flag so large that it can be seen for miles. No one with any integrity and respect for HR rules enters into a romantic relationship with an employee. If you really want the relationship to continue one of you needs to find another job and I don’t think that’s going to be the owner of the company.

Next the whole “separated” from his wife gives me bad vibes. I think it would be a safe bet that this dude is conveniently separated from his spouse when it suits him. I would suggest nailing down how long he’s been separated and inquiring what’s the hold up with the divorce.

Prepare yourself for very lukewarm or evasive responses to your queries which should prompt you to open your ears to the breakroom gossip. Because I’m certain you’re not his first office fling.

Now add into this morass that he can’t be seen in public with you and you have the final nail in this relationship coffin. You deserve so much better and your friends know that which is why they’re being wary of this guy.

I also think you know that and you’re using this letter for confirmation of what your gut has been telling you. Which is run like the wind away from this guy while you update your resume on LinkedIn.

***

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3Comments

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1

beachreader9 on June 30, 2022 at 12:41 pm

1) If you can’t be SEEN. In public with him it is because he would be LIABLE in a HUGE lawsuit if you chose to sue him later as you are his EMPLOYEE and subordinate to him in a work environment.
2) Past behavior predicts future behavior and a man who cheats on his current wife with you will cheat on you IF he ever divorces current wife ( losing 1/2 of his business and 1/2 of all assets) and marries you which is unlikely.
3) Keep your caring, concerned friends who haven’t been bamboozeled by this cheater. Find a new job where sleeping with the owner isn’t a requirement for employment. Ditch the creepy, cheater who is thinking ONLY with his little head !
2

Sherry Dowdy on June 30, 2022 at 12:43 pm

I’m missing something here. I guess the reference to ‘lots of people dare when they’re separated’ means that he’s separated? The words ‘he’s been separated for 3 months (or however long) were not in this letter so….? Is he or isn’t he ? Also, can’t be seen in public because of the work relationship? Please.
3

Shannon on June 30, 2022 at 6:08 pm

He “can’t be seen in public” because he is most likely cheating on his possibly clueless wife. He might run into family, friends, maybe adult children and their friends, oh most importantly HIS WIFE! This has nothing to do with possible work place lawsuit. This is CYA so he doesn’t have to pay more during a divorce settlement due to his wife leaving him for cheating.