I’ve seen the end of times. It’s Disney World in the summer. Oh, I know right now some of you are thinking, “Hey, you big idiot don’t you know better than to go to Orlando […]
Author: snarkyinthesuburbs
Dear Snarky – My Friends Are Hating On My New Boyfriend
Dear Snarky, I’m very disappointed that my friends aren’t supporting my new relationship. I have been there for all my girlfriends during good times and bad and now when I’m so happy all I’ve been […]
I Have a Weirdo Attachment to Cars and Computers
I know a lot of people are extremely attached to inanimate objects. Just look at almost anyone’s basement. I’ve tried to purge mine, but it’s still not exactly an organizational triumph. Then there’s the […]
Dear Snarky – I Found Out My Mom Has an OnlyFans Account
Dear Snarky, My mother is ruining our family and embarrassing all of us and she doesn’t seem to care. It started a year ago when my parent’s got divorced. My mother had been depressed for […]
My Hot Girl Summer Isn’t Going Well
Before you say anything just know that I know I wrote about this topic a mere month ago. But it seems I have an obsession and it’s me staying terminally cranky about being hot. As […]
Dear Snarky – There Was Gift Card Thievery At a Grad Party
Dear Snarky, I’m in a situation that has gone from bad to worse and I need some guidance. My daughter recently had a large joint high school graduation party (it was come and go) with […]
Saying I Don’t to Expensive I Do’s
Did you know the average wedding – key word here is average – costs almost thirty grand? This means I was freaking genius when I started telling my daughter at a very early age that […]
Teachable Moments
I have never wanted to be a teacher. Mainly because I knew I had zero talent and aptitude for that very important job. Nothing brought home the accuracy of that statement like having children of my own when […]
Dear Snarky – I Was Scammed By My Maid of Honor and Her Brother
Dear Snarky, I am devastated! I got married two weeks ago and have just found out that due to a huge photographer error none of my wedding pictures came out!!! I used my maid of […]
I Have a New Book Out!
🎉Hip, hip, hooray my new book Empty has been released in ebook and paperback!!! I’m excited and also very nervous. Why am I nervous you ask? Well, it’s because this book is a departure from […]
I’ve Graduated From Having Kids in College
I’ve reached a significant parenting milestone. After eight years of having at least one child in college I’m done. That’s right – all my kids have officially graduated. The joy this brings knows no bounds. […]
Dear Snarky – My Sister Stole My Identity
Dear Snarky, I’m in shock over what my sister has done to my life. Six months ago I found out that someone had opened a bunch of credit cards (14 to be exact) in my […]
I’m a Hot Mess
I hate summer. There I said it and I don’t feel ashamed for admitting it. Yes, I’m fully aware that it’s not officially summer yet but we’ve certainly had a couple of days that felt […]
Dear Snarky – The Case of the Teacher Appreciation Gift from Hell
Dear Snarky, I’m the room parent for my son’s class and the teacher appreciation gift has turned into a fiasco. As the mother of five kids, I’ve been doing teacher gifts for a very long […]
How to Suck the Joy Out of Reading
I have a love/hate relationship with social media but one thing it’s definitely good at is mining old memories. Recently when I was scrolling through my news feed I saw something about school reading logs and […]
Dear Snarky – I’m Not a Crazy Cheer Mom!
Dear Snarky, I’m in a power struggle with my daughter’s high school. My seventeen-year-old is a gifted gymnast and cheerleader and she’s been on her high school cheer team since her freshman year. Since my […]
The Ritual of Female Body Shaming
Why do women hate themselves? I’ve asked myself this question many times over the years. This is because it doesn’t seem to matter how old I am I still find myself enduring what I’m going […]
Dear Snarky – My Mother-In-Law Subjected Me to a “Fat Intervention”
Dear Snarky, I’ve just had the most disturbing experience with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. I was in town for my sister-in-law’s baby shower and after the shower the three of us went back to my […]
Refusing to Get Agitated
Something unprecedented has happened to me. I actually have an element of Zen in my life. Okay, Zen might be overstating it just a tad, but I do find myself possessing more patience that’s topped […]
Dear Snarky – How Do I Get Out of a Family Vacation Tradition That Sucks
Dear Snarky, I’m ashamed to admit this but the pandemic had a serious upside for my husband and I and it was that we didn’t have to see his extended family. For some reason my […]
The Joy of No Longer Having a Child in High School
Currently my social media news feeds are resplendent with something called “Senior Sunday.” Just to be clear this is not a salute to grandparents or anyone eligible for Medicare. So, if you’re 65 and older […]
Dear Snarky – Our Toxic Mom Wants Us to Take Care of Her
Dear Snarky, I’m the youngest of three (I’m 40) and our mother has recently attempted to worm her way back into our lives. Since our dad divorced our mom when I was six all of […]
I Pity My Brain
Do you ever feel sorry for your brain? I do. Just think about all the worthless stuff you ponder that your brain has to process. Granted, if I was brilliant my brain would probably be […]
The Best Birthday Starts with Buttercream
I’ve just had a birthday and it was no big deal, which is exactly how I like my birthdays. A little shopping and a classic white cake with buttercream frosting that has ginormous icing roses […]
Dear Snarky – My DIL Wants My Husband & I To Pay For a Wedding “Do Over”
Dear Snarky, I need you to tell me I was within my rights as a mother-in-law about how I reacted when my daughter-in-law of almost a year reached out to my husband and I and […]
Getting Down and Dirty With Spring
It’s spring. I would say “yay spring” but all this means is that we’re in for some very special mood swings from Mother Nature. You know the drill – ski jackets one day and shorts […]
Dear Snarky – Why Duct Tape Shouldn’t Be Used for Estate Planning
Dear Snarky, My mother recently died and over the years she told us what pieces of furniture, silver etc that she would like for each of her three daughters to have. My mother was an […]
I Could Teach a Master Class in Worrying
I’m a world class worrier. That doesn’t mean I’m a half glass empty kind of gal. I consider myself an optimistic person who also believes that if you don’t plan for the worst while hoping […]
Library Love
If I want to take a deep dive into my emotional state during any time period all I need to do is look at what I was reading. For instance, during the first year of […]
Dear Snarky – Post Wedding Bridesmaid Dress Drama
Dear Snarky, My greedy bridesmaids have really hurt my feelings. I had a beautiful wedding on February 12 and because I didn’t want to be a bridezilla I paid for each bridesmaid’s dress. It was […]
Tandem Bike Trip = Marriage Buster
I’ve been married a long-ish time. I guess I could take pride in that fact if my mother hadn’t tarnished my brain with her belief that a long marriage doesn’t always equal a good marriage. […]
Dear Snarky – Is this Baby’s Name “Two” Much?
Dear Snarky, My sister just had a baby and when she told me what she wanted to name her brand-new son I offered some advice based on my years as an elementary school teacher. Their […]
How Old Am I? I’m So Old I’ve Used Traveler’s Checks 😱
I usually don’t feel old. Am I getting old? Of course, because that’s part of the human experience. But I’ve reached the point in my, ahem, life journey where I sometimes get figuratively slapped in […]
Help Me Before I DIY Again
I don’t know what you’re doing today but I’m bracing for impending doom. This is because I’m about to embark on another round of home improvement. And I’m not even doing anything that major like […]
Dear Snarky – Office Desk Drama
Dear Snarky, I think I have been the victim of wrongful disciplinary action at work. In fact, the person who was in the wrong didn’t get in trouble at all. This has left me very […]
Being “Dog Free” Sounds Like the Worst Idea Ever
I’ve always assumed that my life would include the companionship of at least one dog. That’s been the status quo for five decades so I feel like it’s a pretty safe bet. Then the other day I […]
Dear Snarky – My In-Laws Want to Live With Us
Dear Snarky, My husband has “tentatively” given his parents’ permission to move in with us. We don’t live in a large home. It’s just three bedrooms, two baths and we have two kids, two dogs, […]
Friendship With This Cookie Never Crumbles
So far 2022 hasn’t lived up to my expectations of being the best year ever. Just kidding on that whole best year thing. I’d be thrilled if 2022 was the most normal year ever or […]
Dear Snarky – I’m Scared About a Valentine’s Day Proposal
I’m scared to death that my boyfriend is going to propose on Valentine’s Day. I heard from a friend that he’s going to do it at halftime at a basketball game at our alma mater. […]
Shovel Ready
Well, it happened. It snowed and I didn’t shovel my driveway. As alert readers may remember, last week I shared that a recent study from a consortium of cardiologists cautioned anyone over the age of […]
Dear Snarky – I Got a Fake Engagement Ring
Dear Snarky, I just found out my fiancée bought me a fake engagement ring. Technically it’s not a fake diamond but it’s definitely not a real mined diamond. After hearing Lala Kent from “Vanderpump Rules” […]
Random January Thoughts
Help me. My brain is stuck in a loop of random thoughts. I blame the myriad of mindless tasks I’ve been doing from putting up Christmas decorations to organizing my basement. It’s allowed my mind […]
Dear Snarky – My Husband Wants to Give Our Daughter the Same Name as His Ex-Fiancée 🤯
Dear Snarky, I’m pregnant with my first baby and it’s going to be a girl. I’m very excited but I’m in the middle of a baby naming nightmare with my husband. He wants to name […]
Dear Snarky – My Sister is Blackmailing my Parents
Dear Snarky, There’s some major shit going down in our family. My sister is blackmailing my parents into giving her money for a down payment on a home. It started on New Year’s Eve where […]
Sharpening My Resolutions
New Year’s resolutions make me nervous. I think it’s the whole setting yourself up for failure issue once you make that resolution list. It’s not that I’m against personal self-improvement or list making. I love […]
Dear Snarky – My Parents Ruined the Holidays Forever
Dear Snarky, I can’t believe I’m writing to you and I can’t believe what just happened to me and my sisters over the holidays. The cluster f*%k started at Thanksgiving when my parents announced after […]
Repressed Memories of an Elf-less Christmas
I hate the “Elf on the Shelf.” Not dislike or harboring some discreet loathing but all out hate. Now with my youngest child being a sort of adult at 21 one would assume that my […]
Elderly Adjacent – Say What?
I’ve recently had some unsettling truths come my way and they were delivered in a one-two-punch. The first salvo was fired while I was in my self designated “safe space” – Target. There I was at […]
Holiday Guilt – The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Traditions are the glue that keep the holidays intact. They provide a road map for how each family celebrates. Traditions even dictate timelines like when you put your tree up and whether you open presents on […]
Stuffed With Supply Chain Snafus
I’ve learned so much about supply chains these last few months that I feel like I’ve just completed an upper-level business school course and expanded my vocabulary. For instance, I have recently discovered that a chassis […]
Snarky in the Suburbs 