Dear Snarky – Should I Quit My Boyfriend?

Dear Snarky,

This morning when I woke up my boyfriend of 8 months presented me with a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a piece of paper taped to the doughnut box that said – “We all knew your resolution to eat healthy and get fit wouldn’t last so here’s to celebrating National Quitters Day.”

I guess today was something called National Quitters Day when a lot of people forget about their New Year’s resolution and my boyfriend apparently thought so little of me that he just assumed I would be all in on eating a dozen doughnuts.

As soon as I read the note I cried and then quickly got dressed and left for work. When I told a few people at work about it they said he was just being funny and when I told my mom she said maybe supportive because he was letting me know he wouldn’t judge me if I quit.

I feel like it was an a hole move in a series of a hole moves that I’ve just ignored but now I’m conflicted about what to do? Do I just laugh and get over it or reassess our relationship.

Signed, Not a Quitter

Dear Not a Quitter,

What you need to quit is your boyfriend. The advice I’m going to give is exactly what I would tell my daughter. This guy is an idiot. The box of doughnuts was mean spirited at best. At worst it was cruel.

Your significant other should be your biggest cheerleader and it’s obvious this guy is not. No one should be in a relationship with a person that is not actively cheering them on. The fact that you said he’s pulled other “a hole moves” is not exactly a sterling endorsement of his character.

I say cut and run and I’d look upon the dozen doughnuts as a cosmic sign that it’s time to kick this guy out of your life.

Now indulge me as I do a sidebar. We need to stop excusing people’s egregious behavior by saying they were just “being funny.” No, in most instances they were probably being hateful and there’s nothing funny about that.

As for your mom well let’s just say we have different parenting styles because there’s no way I’d be gaslighting my daughter that what her boyfriend did was being supportive.

***

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3Comments

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1

Crankygal on January 12, 2024 at 5:07 pm

Excellent advice given, as usual 😊

LW does need to cut that a-hole loose! His gesture wasn’t funny or cute, but was indicative of someone who isn’t actually cheering LW on as she tries to achieve goals she’s set. And LW should expect more of this crap from this dude in the future and where other goals are concerned.
2

Angela on January 12, 2024 at 6:55 pm

Make like a shepherd and get the flock outta there!
3

Kim on January 17, 2024 at 3:03 pm

Dear Not A Quitter, Your seeing a number of “hole” moves and not dumping the guy? This move was not spontaneous but thought out. As Snarky pointed out it was cruel. Please ask yourself what is this guy doing that uplifts you and makes you feel good about yourself? Why have you stayed in the relationship? Why are you thinking about staying? I agree with Snarky, CrankyGal and Angela that you need to leave this guy in your dust. Life is short and you need to do the things that make you healthy and feel better about yourself. Go to a yoga class or take up running. Visit with a nutritionist. Find supportive people so that you can be the best you can be.