Dear Snarky,
I think my youngest sister is c-r-a-z-y. I have four sisters and every year we rotate who is hosting Thanksgiving. This means once every five years you have to host which is no big deal – or so I thought. This year it’s my youngest sister’s turn and she told me that she was very upset that she’s still having to host after “totally messing up hosting Thanksgiving last time on purpose.”
By this she means the last time it was her turn to host Thanksgiving it was a disaster. The turkey caught on fire, all the side dishes were burnt and the only thing that was partially edible were the pies. We had to send our husbands out to bring back McDonald’s.
We were all led to believe that she had an oven issue but now she’s confessed to me that she did it on purpose because she thought if dinner was horrible she could get out of doing it ever again. She said cooking a big dinner like that triggers her anxiety “to the max” and that the whole family knows she can’t cook so why do they make her host. She begged me to have someone else do it and even said she would pay for the groceries.
I took her plea to my other three sisters and we all agreed that what’s fair is fair – she needs to step it up and host Thanksgiving. We’re also all very upset with her about purposefully ruining Thanksgiving her last time out and see this Thanksgiving as a chance for her to redeem herself.
I haven’t told my sister this yet because now I’m having second thoughts. What if she ruins another Thanksgiving in retaliation? Should we even give her that chance?
Signed,
Trying to Save Thanksgiving
Dear Trying to Save,
Hmm, I would have thought Halloween would be the big holiday for you and your three sisters because you sound like a coven of witches. All I want to do right now is go to your baby sister and tell her she’s invited to my house for Thanksgiving and the rest of your family can F off. This is because a family member’s mental health should take precedence over a meal that lasts about an hour – tops.
Was it okay that five years ago she burned Thanksgiving dinner on purpose? Absolutely not. But after reading your letter I think she was probably in the grip of a panic attack and saw this as a way out. I say this because I’m certain that she most likely tried to tell you way before Thanksgiving in a myriad of ways – large and small – that hosting and cooking an entire holiday dinner for that many people was not good for her mental health.
Also, just as a sidebar – what’s up with this whole one sister cooks everything bullshit? Why aren’t other family members bringing the sides and pies or even the turkey?
Because whoever had the not so brilliant idea of making one person do everything is either a control freak, a jerk or a combo platter of both. I don’t care if someone just has to cook the entire dinner once every five years it’s still a lot of work, especially if you don’t have the skill set to cook a dinner that large and suffer from anxiety.
As for your main concern being that your youngest sister might “ruin Thanksgiving again” if you and your other sisters give her a chance to “redeem” herself – to that I say for the second time in this letter F you.
Your baby sister is crying out for help and understanding and what you’re doing is pretty much telling her that you don’t care about her or her mental health. What you care about is following some ass hat’s very rigid Thanksgiving plan. Your sister deserves better and I hope she finds it. Sadly, I know it won’t be at her family’s Thanksgiving table.
***
Let’s all now take some calming breaths to get over that letter. It was a lot, right? Now on to happy thoughts 😍 – my new book is out. Umm hmm, that’s right FOUR SEASONS OF SNARKY is here in all it’s funny glory. Click to feast your 👀 eyes on all the LOL goodness. www.amazon.com/dp/B0BGYQ9GK2
Crazy is always in season, especially when you live in the burbs.
Epic yard wars (Because it’s always a good day when you call tell the HOA to suck it.), a PTA take down (Spoiler alert – lice is a great way to clear a room), bizarre goings on at a Parents Day Out program, Little League intrigue (Apparently, you don’t know real power until you become “Commissioner” of your local Little League.), a tale of Vacation Bible School taking an, ahem, rather unfortunate turn, how to get kicked out of the Junior League (It was harder than you might think), a science fair stalker and turning Christmas inflatables into a revenge plot
All this and more are in Four Seasons of Snarky featuring some of the greatest hits from Snarky in the Suburbs. Where schemes, payback, and retribution scenarios all tell the tale of a woman who will admit she might be crazy, but you know in a good way.
Snarky in the Suburbs 