Dear Snarky,
I think I could be in the middle of a Bridezilla situation. I’m one of four bridesmaids in a very good friend’s wedding. The friend getting married is in her mid 30s and she has been in all of her bridesmaids’ weddings. Although all of us got married before we hit 30. So, our friend is getting married much later in life .
Because of this the bride told us that she wanted to keep it simple and that we all could wear whatever black dress we already owned. She’s also not having any wedding/bridal showers because she and her fiancé already own a home together that they “don’t need anything.” As for the bachelorette party the bride is planning an elegant dinner in town hosted by her aunt because she thinks it will be easier for those of us with kids to not have to travel to Vegas etc.
Here’s the Bridezilla part – she’s asked us since we’re not having to pay for our dress, or throw a bachelorette party, or showers etc that we all could contribute to her “honeymoon fund” as our gift. This really pissed me off. It was her choice to not have us buy bridesmaids dresses or matching shoes etc. etc. It was also her choice to not have us host any wedding parties or a destination bachelorette weekend so why does she think that she can now ask us to contribute to a “honeymoon fund.”
I took it upon myself to be the spokesperson for the other bridesmaids and told her she was being a huge Bridezilla to ask us to take part in her honeymoon fund. Her response to this was a day later to send me an excel spreadsheet on how much she spent on each of our weddings from bridesmaid dresses to travel expenses and gifts.
I’m astounded by this kind of behavior and also who keeps track of that kind of stuff except someone who is very bitter. At this point I’m ready to not be a bridesmaid and I think the only way I’ll stay in the wedding is if I get an apology. My question for you is do you think I should get the other three bridesmaids to walk out with me?
Signed, Angry Bridesmaid
Dear Angry,
Are you okay? Because I think your letter should have been signed “Bridesmaidzilla” or “I Love Drama.” It seems to me like you’re trying to blow up your “very good friend’s” wedding because you’re bored or jealous.
From reading your letter the bride never insisted you contribute to her honeymoon fund. She also never gave a dollar amount that she expected. You’re acting like my great granny having the vapors because someone registered for a Delta Airlines gift card for their wedding and not a Lenox monogrammed fine china place setting that they’ll probably use only once a year – if ever.
A normal person would have smiled and then happily Venmo whatever they had budgeted for a wedding gift or maybe even went old school and included a check in a card and been done with it. The way I see it this could be the most inexpensive tour of duty as a bridesmaid – ever.
Now I will give you that the bride emailing you a spreadsheet on what she had spent on all of your weddings over the years was crass but I’m thinking she had hit a wall and was over your pot stirring and ridiculous outrage at being asked to contribute to a honeymoon fund as a wedding gift.
As for not being in the wedding – I suggest you do the bride a favor and not only bow out but don’t come to the wedding at all. With the statements you made in the letter from “later in life” (Since when is mid 30’s later in life?) to calling your very good friend “bitter” makes me think you’ve got some issues with the bride (or maybe anyone being happy) and no one needs your bad tempered mojo at the wedding.
Oh, and to answer your question – leave the other bridesmaids alone. As grown women they don’t need you to be their spokesperson and let me tell you something based on your letter I’m going to take an educated guess that no one is begging you to be their role model/leader.
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Snarky in the Suburbs 