Dear Snarky,
I feel like my sister is stealing my joy. I’m three months away from getting married and she has attempted to not only make herself the center of attention but to actually make my wedding about her.
My sister got married in the fall of 2020 during the pandemic. Due to that she had a very small wedding with just eight people in attendance including the bride and groom. Now that I’m having a much larger wedding, which I might add that my fiancé and I are paying for, she’s trying to almost make it a double wedding.
Here’s a short list of some of the shit she has pulled.
1) She wants to wear her wedding dress (with her veil and train) as her maid of honor dress since not many people got to see her in it.
2) She wants to renew her vows immediately after I say, “I do” and my new husband and I walk up the aisle because her wedding never “felt real” and she wants the experience of saying her vows in front of a lot of people.
3) She has tried, so far, to hijack one of my bridal showers since she didn’t get a bridal shower because of COVID. (She did have presents mailed and delivered to her so it’s not like she lost out on getting gifts.) By hijack I mean she sent out an email, without my knowledge, to the guests saying that it was a co-shower so she could also be celebrated since “covid robbed her of having a shower.”
4) She wants to use our wedding photographer to take some pictures of her and her husband cutting the cake etc since she missed out on those pictures at her wedding.
To make things worse my mother is being totally worthless and instead of telling my sister to back the F off she’s telling me to “show some grace” and “allow my sister these moments.”
At this point I’m ready to just elope because I really don’t want to share my wedding with my sister and also pay for it. Do you have any suggestions on what I should do?
Signed, Pissed Off Bride
Dear Pissed Off,
Does it stink that due to covid your sister didn’t have the wedding of her dreams? Absolutely, but that by no means gives her the right to try to turn your dream wedding into a double ceremony. Frankly, if she wants a do-over she can throw herself a vow renewal and, oh yeah, pay for it.
But I think we both know that isn’t going to happen. It’s much easier for her to bully you into some of her outrageous demands. So, here’s how I suggest you handle this. You need to sit both your sister and mother down (with your fiancé there as backup and to set a whole, “we mean business” vibe) and tell them that it’s your wedding, that you are paying for and you will not share any part of it with your sister because your sister is already MARRIED!
This means no wedding dress will be worn for her maid of honor dress. There will be no vows said after your ceremony, no photos will be taken of her and her husband pretending they’re getting married at your wedding or reception and that no other celebratory events related to you getting married will be co-opted.
Then add that if your sister feels due to these rules that it will be too painful to take part in your wedding then you’ll understand if she chooses not to attend.
As for your mother, well, all I have to say is shame on her. The fact that she didn’t tell your sister to settle herself down or suggest some therapy to get over her covid wedding depression is ridiculous.
As for the “show some grace” statement – I just can’t. Hmm, what about your entitled sister showing some grace? She’s been married for two freaking years. One would think by this time she would have taken down her wedding Pinterest board.
I have no doubt that after you tell your sister all of this she will still try to insert her own needs into your big day which is why you need to be firm and keep on saying Never Going to Happen.
Good Luck and Congratulations!
P.S. If your sister calls your bluff and shows up at your wedding in her bridal gown DO NOT let her walk down the aisle. In fact I would have other bridesmaids on the lookout.
***
Dear Snarky,
The writer of this blog won’t quit promoting her books. How do I deal with this?
Signed, Enough Already
Dear Enough,
Alas, this poor woman has to constantly plug her books because that’s the only way they will sell and trust me it’s no picnic for her to have to keep on doing shout outs. The only thing keeping her going is that she knows/hopes/prays that her Snarky friends will indulge her and cut her slack because they enjoy her blog posts so much. 😉
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Snarky in the Suburbs 