Dear Snarky,
I feel like I was taken advantage of by my sister and her husband. My sister just had a baby and before the birth she asked me if after the baby was born if I would come and stay with her for two weeks and help. I said yes to one week because that’s all the vacation time I had to take off from work. I live about 6 hours away.
I arrived the day after my niece was born and was there to help my sister with the baby and do all the stuff like cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. I can’t say I was great at helping with the baby since I’m still in my 20s and I’m not a mom. But I made it my goal to do everything I could so all my sister had to do was feed the baby and hopefully get some rest.
The thing that’s really pissing me off is that I was never told my brother-in-law would have eight weeks off for paternity leave. This loser did absolutely nothing to help my sister and he expected me to wait on him as well as he sat on his ass all day and watched ESPN or went fishing while telling me to get him a beer.
The day I left my sister started to make me feel guilty about leaving “early” although I had told her months earlier all I had was one week vacation. Then my brother-in-law said he was going on a two week fishing trip “a mancation” later on in the month since he had all this paid time off and it was really bad that I was leaving my sister alone and not coming back to help out.
I was so mad that I told my brother-in-law that since he’s a father now he should be the one taking care of his wife and baby not me and then I kinda stormed out.
Was I overreacting? Should I apologize or do I just wait and see what happens?
Signed, Love my sister but not a maid for my brother-in-law.
Dear Love My Sister,
Umm wow, your brother-in-law sounds like a real charmer – not. I don’t blame you for being angry. At some time in a conversation with your sister you should have been told that your brother-in-law had two months of paternity leave and also your BIL absolutely shouldn’t have treated you like his servant for a week.
On top of that you should not have been made to feel guilty for leaving because you have a job you need to keep. What you should have been shown is immense gratitude for helping out.
As for your BIL using his paternity leave to partake in a “mancation.” Well, he’s an ass and that whole trip thing is between your sister and her husband and they need to keep you out of it.
So, this is my very long way of saying you didn’t overreact, and you don’t need to apologize.
That said I would still stay in communication with your sister unless she starts guilt tripping you – again. If that happens just tell her you love her and your new niece but you can’t stomach the guilt trips so they have to stop.
I would also make sure to not talk about your sister’s marriage and why she’s with such a loser. (Honestly that would be hard for me to not do. But resist the urge to say something. You don’t want to get drawn into their marriage issues.) Just keep everything lovey dovey about that baby.
Now that said, you do need to work on establishing BOUNDARIES (get to know them and fall with love with them) with your sister and her husband. Sure you adore your sister and niece but you also have a life and can’t be at their beck and call or use every vacation day you get to insure your brother-in-law gets another “mancation.”
Good luck!
If you want to focus on something a whole lot more fun check than a “mancation” check out my 5 FAB books. 📚 All you need to do is click this Amazon link to get your reading on and go deep on laughter. 😂
www.amazon.com/stores/Sherry-Claypool-Kuehl/author/B00S5WL2N4
Snarky in the Suburbs 