Dear Snarky,
I’m about to pretend I have COVID because on Monday it’s time for the whole office holiday party gift exchange. It’s one of those stupid white elephant things and employees get a whole list of instructions called the Do’s and Don’ts of the White Elephant Party.
There’s an amount you can spend with a receipt provided to prove you didn’t go over or under budget and that present isn’t recycled. There’s a no gifting of candles rule because candles are “lame,” no alcohol and my favorite is no food unless it’s from Williams Sonoma or a similar upscale store.
The amount we have to spend is between $40 to $50 which is just so F’d up. I don’t want to spend $5 on my co-workers to be honest. Do you have any survival skills to get me through this party. I’m afraid my attitude is going to sink me in the office politics game.
Signed, My Company Sucks
Dear Sucks,
Wow, those are some really specific gifting rules. In my opinion if you have a dos and don’t list maybe that’s a clue that nobody wants to do the freaking White Elephant.
Now give me a moment and do one of my favorite things – a PSA.
Dear Companies, instead of playing stupid party games that require your employees to spend their own money, why don’t you just give them the gift of not being cheap. Even if you don’t want to spend any money on a party for your employees then for the love of God just give them the afternoon off in lieu of a “party.”
Now, back to My Company Sucks. Here’s what I suggest you do – of course you’re going to have to buy a gift and follow the rules if you don’t want it to come back and bite you in the ass in what sounds like a very petty office environment. So, I suggest as your “White Elephant Gift” getting a Premium LinkedIn Career Subscription G.C. for one month which will be over $40 with tax
This way when people start trading their gifts, I bet yours will be one of the hottest items which is sort of heads up to your company that they you all hate working there and people are excited to get the LinkedIn gift because they want to get the hell out. If a supervisor gets their nose out of joint and asks why you did the LinkedIn gift card just say it’s because they have some really good online training courses.
Now as for the office politics just put yourself in a trance, repeat a mantra that “this will all be over with soon” and then get yourself on LinkedIn and start looking for a new job in the new year. Even if you don’t find a better job right away at least it gives you the power to change your life by changing your job.
***
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Snarky in the Suburbs 