Dear Snarky – My Mom Wants Me to Rearrange My Life Around Her Cosmetic Surgeries

Dear Snarky,

I need your help standing up to my 59-year-old mother. She’s going in for her third cosmetic procedure in the past six months. This one is a deep plane facelift and as she does with all her plastic surgeries (she’s had a lot of work done over the years) she wants me to fly home and take care of her as she recovers.

This is becoming a problem for me mainly because I have to use all my vacation days from work to do this and taking care of my mom is no vacation. It’s awful. She’s a horrible patient and gets mean. Plus, she got new boobs for Christmas so there went that holiday. My brother didn’t even come home because he’s so over it.

When I try to push back she cries and says she can’t get the surgery if she doesn’t have someone to help her afterwards and on and on. I’m already almost out of vacation days and I don’t want to waste anymore being my mom’s nurse, housekeeper etc. It sucks. To go home I would have to take family leave with no salary, and I can’t afford to do that.

How can I get out of this without blowing up my relationship with my mom. I love her but she’s manipulative and demanding.

Signed, I’m Her Daughter Not a Nurse

Dear Not a Nurse,

You can get out of this by telling your mother NO (repeatedly) as in you will absolutely not be using anymore of your vacation days to be her post surgery nurse. Add that you simply aren’t the person to do this because you have a full-time job with limited paid time off. 

Yes, she’ll have a tantrum and try to guilt you but that’s nothing you haven’t seen before so  stay firm. 

After all, this is elective surgery your mother is getting. It’s not like you’re telling her you won’t be there during and after a lifesaving medical procedure.

Furthermore, if your mom can afford this much cosmetic surgery then she can certainly afford to pay for a caregiver or stay at a bougie cosmetic surgery post operative care center. If she tells you she doesn’t have the money to do that then you can push back that she might have to delay her facelift until she’s saved enough funds to pay for after care. 

Yes, you’re her daughter and you love your mother, but you also have a career and being financially stable trumps being at your mother’s beck and call every time she decides to go under the knife for an “update.”

🥴If you have a question, concern or dilemma write me at😉


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