Dear Snarky,
I need your help with a very unique problem. I recently opened my own yoga studio after years of working for another studio in town. My employer didn’t take my departure very well and accused me of trying to sabotage her business by taking all her clients.
A lot of my clients did follow me to my new studio but I didn’t actively try to poach anyone from my former place of employment.
Well now I think my former boss is trying to sabotage me. I had a man sign up for unlimited classes and he’s so disgusting I’m afraid he’s running people off. He comes into class reeking of B.O. and other odors. Like he seriously at times smells like dog excrement. It doesn’t help that he wears a tank top so the smell is just right out there.
But the worst thing he does is pass gas – loud, smelly gas throughout the class. My studio is hot yoga so the heat intensifies smells and at times it has been god awful. More than once people have gotten up and hurriedly left the class before it was over.
The reason I think my old boss is sabotaging me is because I’m almost 100 percent certain this man is her son and she’s sent him to my studio to run off customers.
What do I do to get rid of him? I’m afraid if I kick him out he’ll sue me for something like discriminating against men.
Signed, Not feeling Very Namaste
Dear Namaste,
Ummm, what the hell? I have no words. Okay, now I have some. First, gag, Second, gag and third gag.
I had to think about this for a while but here’s my advice. I know most studios have apps where you sign up for class online. If this is your studio I would have a flag on Mr. Fart Cloud’s account and anytime he signs up for class it shows that it’s full.
Now if your studio doesn’t have an app and people go online and sign up have it show the same thing – that whatever class he wants is full. You might have to pay someone to help you figure out the coding required to make this happen but consider it money well spent and do it.
I would also confirm his identity and then if he still shows up after being blocked from signing up for a class ask him, ideally in front of other customers, why he’s not doing yoga at his mom’s studio. That’s a way to let him know that you know exactly what he’s doing and it’s game over Stink Bomb.
That’s all I got because I don’t know if you can post on your website that you can’t smell horrific and take class or that you’ll can be asked to leave if your body odor and/or persistent flatulence are causing people to flee the premises. 🤢
***
YUCK, that was a lot. Let’s all now take a cleansing breath and focus on something more, shall we say, fun like my latest book KILLER DANCE MOM! 😍 Click on this Amazon link to take a look www.amazon.com/dp/B0C4FZTK5B. But if your thumb is weary of clicking here’s a teaser of the fun that awaits you.
🩰 Wynn Butler is a newbie dance mom and honestly, she hasn’t exactly been receiving rave reviews for her skills. Blinging out costumes and being your child’s glam squad aren’t exactly her strong suits. But at her daughter’s first national competition Wynn is ready to prove herself.
What she hadn’t planned for is being forced to share a hotel room with her least favorite person in the whole world – Jacardia Monroe, a mom who’s had two tours of duty at a spray tan detox clinic.
As Wynn attempts to survive the roommate from hell and cheer on her daughter, she stumbles onto a murder. Stuffed in a dance bag backstage is Kingston Reeves, a renowned competition judge. Sitting right next to that dance bag is Jacardia.
When both women became “persons of interest” in the case, Wynn decides it’s time to do some serious snooping to see who at the competition had a motive to kill the dance judge. Rallying her best friends to help her, she discovers a wide swath of suspects from the Instagram/influencer mom who brings a professional camera crew to follow her at competitions, to a crazed former ballerina turned combative dance mom and then there’s the glitter gang . . . a cadre of mothers who are addicted to rhinestoning costumes and perhaps even murder.
Snarky in the Suburbs 