Dear Snarky – Is It Wrong to Keep My Super Bowl Party Chiefs Fans Only?

Dear Snarky,

I’m so mad right now when I should be in a great mood. Finally, after 50 years, the Kansas City Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl. I have been a loyal Chiefs fan since the day I was born. I’m so flipping excited about the Chiefs being in the Super Bowl that my husband and I are throwing a major party.

 I invited all of our friends who love the Chiefs as much as we do. My problem is I have a friend who I like except when it comes to football. She’s a huge Patriots fan and hates the Chiefs. She is so obnoxious about it and trash talks the Chiefs all the time. 

 Because of this I didn’t invite her to my Super Bowl party and now she’s pissed and getting our friends to constantly bug me to invite her to the party.

 I really don’t want to listen to her mouth the entire game but I’m getting worn down by all the texts and phone calls. Do you think I’m right to stick with my original decision to not invite her?

 Signed, Keeping My Home for Mahomies

Dear Mahomies,

 When your beloved football team that you’ve rooted for since birth heads to the Super Bowl you are perfectly within your rights to not invite someone who enjoys disparaging your team to your home for a Super Bowl party.

 I would have a conversation with this woman pronto and just tell her straight up that she wasn’t invited because she has enthusiastically and repeatedly stated that she hates the Chiefs so why in the world would she think that you would extend an invitation to her for a C-H-I-E-F-S Super Bowl party?

 Furthermore, the fact that she’s being a self-involved moron and harassing your friend group for an invite makes me think that you might want to reconsider her as a friend – just saying. At the very least she should get an unsportsmanlike conduct call. 

 Also, if you take the football team rivalry totally out of the equation you still have a grown woman with horrible manners and social skills. You never impinge about your friends to harass another friend for an invite to a party. Period. 

 My advice is to not make any changes to your guest list. You have every right to keep your house a Mahomie only zone.  

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

Dear Snarky – Something Smells About My Dad’s New Wife

Dear Snarky,

I smell a rat and it’s my dad’s new wife. Apparently, she has a “severe scent allergy.” She says she is hypersensitive to certain smells that can cause a reaction that could send her to the hospital.

Before the Christmas holidays she group texted the entire family about how we would need to clear our houses of any scents that would quote “trigger” her. It was a pretty long list that included no air fresheners, no plug-in room fresheners, no scented candles or soap including even dish soap. We also couldn’t wear any scented body lotions, perfume or hair care products around her.

My sister and I thought her list was ludicrous. If you’re that sensitive to smells how do you leave the house because everywhere you go there’s someone wearing something scented.

But because we didn’t want to upset our dad we followed her list which was a huge pain in the ass and yet his wife still had a reaction at my sister’s house on Christmas and she had to leave because she said she could “smell balsam and it felt like her throat was closing.” Talk about drama.

Imagine my surprise when I saw her at a Bath and Bodyworks store on New Year’s Day shopping their big sale with a bag loaded up with scented products from candles to body lotion. I didn’t confront her, but I took a video of her shopping and texted it in the family group message.

Now, my dad is angry at me and his lying new wife is saying she just put a gel in her nose that allowed her to go into the store and my dad is totally buying this.

Is there any way to get him to acknowledge that his wife is a huge liar? And if she’s lying about this imagine what else she is making up?

Signed, Something Smells Off

Dear Off,

Let’s examine the facts. One, your new stepmother is indeed a liar. I’m no doctor but I am a fan of Bath and Body Works and I know if you had a severe scent sensitivity this emporium of smells from wild lime and gardenia to Jasmine and Frankincense would not be a nasal safe space.

I also consulted an allergist and there is no nose gel that would enable a person with such an allergy to plunge themselves into that level of scent utopia and not have a reaction.

This means that your father’s wife is seeking to control the family dynamics and draw attention to herself with these alleged scent issues. Sadly, there is nothing you can do to get your dad to wake up and smell the crazy.

If this ever does happen and it might not, he’s going to have to have his own awakening. No amount of family pressure will make him change his mind. In fact, it could cause him to cleave to this woman longer. You know the whole us against the world dynamic.

I would strive to keep an amicable relationship with your dad while telling his wife that you will no longer be purging your home of scents for her visits. (#UseThatNoseGel)

I also suggest that the fact that you would like to purge her from your family should be kept on the down low – at least for now.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

 

 

 

Dear Snarky – My Cousin Went on Facebook and Posted Lies About Our Family

Dear Snarky,

My family has recently been devastated by a family member. After what I thought was a very nice Thanksgiving that included 31 members of our family from a great grandmother to nieces and nephews my cousin went on Facebook and wrote a disgusting post about how awful our family is.

She went off on just about everybody including kids. In my case she used my name and my kids’ names and said that I was a “mean girl raising mean girls.”

As if that wasn’t bad enough her post got a lot of likes and sad faces and even my high school math teacher from way back in the day gave it a sad face.

It has taken everything I have not to go on Facebook and comment and defend my family. I want too so bad. I’ve been going back and forth over what to do because it feels wrong to let her say these things without my family defending themselves especially when it comes to the kids.

Signed, Furious

Dear Furious,

To begin let me congratulate you on not losing your mind as soon as your cousin posted about your kids on social media. That took major self-control.

Now let me also share that my advice is going to be skewed because I don’t know anything about your family. You could be the best family in the world or horrible. I’m going to go with that your family is average. This means flawed with a crazy member or two or three.

My recommendation is that you do your family due diligence and get some relatives to meet with this cousin and try to decipher what’s hurting her because her Facebook post could be a cry for help.

After that is done I would let your cousin knew that writing about anyone’s child on social media is basically game over for your relationship.

I would then be prepared for your cousin to go back on social media and post some long, rambling diatribe about how her family tried to silence her. Because here’s the deal – your cousin craves attention, Facebook provides it. She’s probably not going to stop posting.

You also need to realize those likes and sad faces she’s getting are because when people see train wrecks on social media they feel uncomfortable so the easiest thing to do is the sad face.

Don’t fall into her social media pit of cray cray. You need to block her and move on. I’m going to say that again – BLOCK AND MOVE ON. You’re not going to stop her and to engage with her on Facebook is just going to create more fireworks.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

Dear Snarky – My Sister Wore a Bridal Gown to MY Wedding

Dear Snarky,

 It’s official my sister is insane because she wore a wedding dress to my wedding. Let me back up a bit. She wore a wedding dress she had purchased two years ago and never got to wear because her fiancé called off the wedding.

 My crazy, sneaky sister who was my maid of honor changed out of her bridesmaid dress and into a wedding dress minutes before MY wedding started. She did this after my mom had been seated in the front pew and when my dad and I were in a back corner of the church waiting for our turn to walk down the aisle so we couldn’t see her.

 The other bridesmaids did see her and were horrified. My best friend tried to stop her from walking down the aisle but was afraid of causing a scene. So, imagine my shock when my dad and I come from the back of the church and start walking down the aisle and I see my sister at the front of the church in a wedding dress. I almost lost it.

 Thankfully, my now husband whispered in my ear not to let my sister ruin this wonderful day. So, I kept it together and focused on the positive – I was married.

 Now, I hate my sister and want nothing to do with her and her lame excuse that wearing a wedding dress to my wedding was because she didn’t want “her beautiful dress to go to waste.” My mom says family is forever and I need to “make peace with it.”

 Don’t you think I have a right to be mad and stay mad?

 Signed, Angry Bride

 P.S. My mom did make my sister change out of the wedding dress for all the photos.

 Dear Angry,

Umm no, this isn’t a situation where your mom can wave a magic happy family wand and presto everything is all rainbows and unicorns.

You have every right to be beyond angry. One of the reasons you sister did this besides being a huge, narcissistic, jealous, loser is because your mom, and I imagine other family members, have made excuses for her behavior over the years. They did your sister no favors by covering up her obvious character defects by papering over them with all that family means love B.S. Long ago they should have been  imposing some consequences and therapy, lots of therapy.

 What she did, in my opinion, was an act of family terrorism. She tried to ruin your wedding. You would be a fool and I think it would be mentally unhealthy for you to just sweep it all under the run for the sake of family harmony because what your sister did was unforgivable.

 Just because you are related to someone DOES NOT give them permission to disrespect you or be hateful to you. Family maybe forever but this doesn’t mean you have to stand for their shameful behavior.

 I suggest taking a break from your family until you’re in a better headspace and when you’re ready to reengage with them I would do so with some basic rules of human decency in place.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

Dear Snarky – I Was Left Out of the Family Holiday Photo

Dear Snarky,

My feelings are really hurt by my boyfriend’s family and it has me wondering how my boyfriend can be so nice and his family so mean. Last weekend his family had professional holiday photos taken for their Christmas card and I wasn’t invited to be in the photos.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six months and it’s getting pretty serious. I’m even hoping for an engagement ring for Christmas. It feels like his family, especially his mom, went out of their way to exclude me and hurt my feelings.

I even showed up for the photos with my boyfriend as a way to offer moral support and in hopes that because I was there someone would say go ahead and get in the photos but that didn’t happen.

I feel like I deserve an apology from his family but my boyfriend says he’s not going to start an argument about this. Now, I’m wondering if I should just flat out ask his mom why she has a problem with me?

Do you think this is a good idea because I’d rather know up front what her issues are before we get married?

Signed,

Pre-Mother-in-Law Problems

Dear Problems,

Girlfriend you need so slow your roll WAY DOWN  because you’re the problem not your boyfriend’s family. First up, there should be zero, and I mean zero expectations, that a girlfriend of six months should be included in a f-a-m-i-l-y holiday card photo.

Also, you showing up for the photo to give your boyfriend “moral” support is ridiculous. Trust me every single family member saw through that ploy to get yourself included in the holiday card. I’m sure the side eye you were getting that day was epic.

I urge you to forget about demanding an apology or confronting your boyfriend’s mother. You do not want to go there primarily because you’re the one at fault.

If you want any chance for this relationship to make it to the new year you need to lower your expectations and that includes what I think is very wishful thinking that you’re getting an engagement ring for Christmas. My vast experience in personal relationships is telling me that’s not going to happen and you need to right now start adjusting to this reality so you don’t ruin Christmas for his family and yours.

 

Dear Snarky – I’m Being Shunned For Bringing Cupcakes to a School Party

Dear Snarky,

 I’m being shunned at my son’s elementary school due to having the “audacity” to bring mini chocolate cupcakes to the first grade Halloween party. I never received the link to the online sign up sheet for food and didn’t know that sweets were not allowed at the party. I only brought cupcakes because I didn’t want to show up empty handed.

 Now, the anti sugar Nazis are furious and suggesting that I’m a bad mother because I dared to bring a dessert to a Halloween party. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Halloween all about the sugar? Now, I’ve been told by the two room moms that I’m not allowed to volunteer or sign up for any party duties for the reminder of the school year.

 I cannot express how angry this makes me. What course of action do you think I should take because this is total bull shit?

 Signed, Cupcake Mom

Dear Cupcake,

You have to pick your battles. Ask yourself are cupcakes the hill you want to die on? If your child is only in the first grade you have a L-O-N-G time to spend with these mothers.

This means you can do two things. One, not volunteer at the rest of the parties but absolutely show up for your son or two take a stand so these moms know not to mess with you for the next 12 years and lord help me but I’m leaning towards this one because these moms need to simmer the hell down and learn to reign in their control issues. Their kid’s elementary school is not their personal fiefdom. #getalife.

Admittedly you should make sure moving forward that you’re up-to-date on your emails, apps, etc related to school events but you shouldn’t have to cower in fear around these mothers or kiss up to them because you dared to walk into the school bearing cupcakes. This means one thing – go over their heads. Yep, talk to the teacher the real boss of the classroom.

Explain what happened, express your desire to help out and ask if there is anything the teacher needs assistance with. Then resist the urge to tell the two room moms where they can shove their “no volunteer” edict and focus on making your child’s first grade year wonderful.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

Dear Snarky – How Can We Tell a Family Member Not to Run for Public Office?

Dear Snarky,

 My niece announced to the family that she wants to run for public office and quite frankly a lot of us think it might just be the worst idea ever. She’s young, has no experience and has problems handling a day job. It’s so bad we have an over under on how long she’ll last at each job she gets

 I admire her enthusiasm and her wanting to “be the change” but I think she needs to at least volunteer on a political campaign or stay at a job longer than three months before she just throws herself out there.

 Our biggest worry is that she got some insurance money from a car accident and she wants to spend it to fund her campaign. Anyone in the family over the age of 30 told her she needs to use the money to pay off her college loans.

 Do you have any advice on how we can get her to change her mind without creating major family drama?

 Signed, Worried & Concerned

 Dear Worried

 Lately my solution to most of my letter writers has been to tell them to mind their own business. But today I’m not going to do that. I’m going to tell you to get involved. This is the mom of young adults in me talking but your niece needs to hear that she should be very conservative with how she spends that insurance money.

I’ll give her huge props for no wanting to blow it on designer handbags or a sweet new ride and wanting to run for office can be a noble endeavor but she still needs to very seriously ponder  spending that money to self finance a campaign.

Handling your niece with love and  respect (i.e. don’t talk down to her) suggest that she needs to enlist a firm to do an exploratory study on her running for office where everything from her chances of winning to how much money and time she’s going to have to invest to be considered a contender will be examined.

 This should be a g-i-g-a-n-t-i-c eye opener and I’m betting it’s not the amount of money that’s required that’s going to make her reconsider but the time that she’ll have to spend. Based on her employment record I’m guessing, umm how can I put this nicely, that she gets bored easily and once she sees the amount of effort and the hard and sometimes very tedious work it takes to get elected to almost any office she might cool off on this idea.

If she doesn’t be positive and wish her luck. Maybe this is her calling and she’ll surprise everyone.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

Dear Snarky – Help! My Co-Worker is Already Christmas Crazy

Dear Snarky,

 I have a co-worker who’s insane. She is pathologically obsessed with Christmas. On October 1 she decorated her cubicle, started burning some awful smelling pinecone scented candle and has some sort of plug in air freshener that reeks of candy cane. She also plays Christmas music non stop and every morning reminds all of us how many days there are until “Santa is here.” Prepare to be shocked because this woman isn’t some old lady. The psycho is still in her 20’s.

 I’m not the only one in the office that she’s annoying. Her Christmas B.S. is the topic of most conversations and not in a good way. Is there anyway to get this woman to calm the F down about the holidays?

 Signed, Turning Into a Scrooge

 Dear Scrooge,

 If this was a Hallmark movie your co-worker would be named Miss Merry Christmas and she would melt the heart of the office Scrooge and they would fall in love and live happily ever after OR Miss Merry Christmas would turn out to be the daughter of Santa Claus sent to your office to spread the joy of the season very, very, very early.

 But since this isn’t a movie here’s my advice that’s a lot less fun. One – I’m assuming you can’t go to H.R. and grumble about a co-worker’s holly jolly attitude but what you can do is complain about the scent explosion in the office. A lot of people are highly scent sensitive and that means the candle and the air freshener could be a health concern.

 Now on to the holiday music – quit sulking, grow up and ask her to turn it down and if you don’t have headphones put those on your Christmas list. All the other stuff from the cubicle holiday décor to the countdown till December 25 is, I feel, a way for this young woman to get some attention.

 I suggest instead of letting yourself get turbo annoyed, and I’m sure this is all very annoying, I’m not trying to downplay that, you could compliment her on her Christmas mojo and maybe she can be the office holiday party planner. I have no doubt it would be a rager. Perhaps all this young woman is looking for is validation. Give it to her and see if that helps her chill out.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

Dear Snarky – How Do I Tell a Friend She Has an Instagram Filter Addiction?

Dear Snarky,

 Is there anyway to tell a really cute friend that she is over editing all her photos on social media? I get it we all edit our photos for Instagram but the goal is to look better not like a completely different person.

 She’s not been very successful dating and I’m totally sure it’s because once people see her in person they’re like “Who are you?” People have trouble getting past her image on social media compared to reality.

 My boyfriend has a cousin who I think would be perfect for her but I would like for him to see the real her not the layers of filters she is on Instagram. What is the nicest way to tell her that she needs to be herself more and lay off on all the fakeness?

 Signed, Insta Addict

 Dear Insta,

 You’ve come to the right place for advice. As the mother of a 19- year-old I know all about what I call “filter abuse.” I’ll see my daughter’s friends on Instagram and not even recognize them. That said, filter abuse is not limited to the young and already beautiful a lot of women my age seem to be going full Benjamin Button and by that I mean aging backwards on social media.

 Now, here’s a surprise for you – I think there is no shame in the filter game. Come on it’s social media. If people are too goofy to realize that a whole lot of photo editing is going on then I worry about their cognitive brain function. Seriously, if a guy is surprised someone looks a little different than their social media photos than consider him way too dumb to date.

Using myself as Exhibit A – please note this business photo that was taken of me. My skin hasn’t looked this smooth since I was five. I barely recognize myself with my wrinkles and my constant companion – “Lady Jowls – vanquished. Now, compare that to the real me and you have a case of filters gone mad. Do I apologize for this photo? No, because I’m assuming people are intelligent enough in 2019 to know that I’ve been attacked by a “healing brush.”

As for you – stay out of your friend’s business. How she wants to look on social media is none and I mean none of your concern. You are just going to stir up a whole lot of drama and hurt feelings and I’m hoping that wasn’t your intention all along.

 

Dear Snarky – My Mom Needs to Quit Wearing Sexy Halloween Costumes

Dear Snarky,

 I need help with my mother. I swear she thinks she’s Jennifer Lopez and by that I mean at 55 she is very proud of her body and loves to show it off. Every Halloween she goes all out with the sexy costumes. This Halloween she is wearing a costume that is a replica of the iconic dress J.Lo wore where she’s almost naked.

 My problem is she’s planning on wearing it to a Halloween party hosted by my boyfriend’s parents. I told her that costume was not appropriate for this kind of party and she told me I was just “jealous.”

 Seriously, she can’t show up to meet my boyfriend’s parents for the first time in a costume where she’s that exposed. How do I get her to wear something that at least covers her chest?

 Signed, Distressed Daughter

Dear Distressed,

First, let me say I’m not into body shaming nor am I the Fashion Police. In fact, the only style crimes that get me really ticked off are adults wearing P.J’s on a plane or people who wear shorts and flip flops to church weddings.

 As for your mother I’m afraid you’re not going to get her to wear a nun costume. I think the more you beg her to cover up the more she’s going to want to take the girls out. That said if I had a body that resembled Jennifer Lopez’s I might be inclined to be queen of the crop top.

 I suggest that perhaps the first time your boyfriend’s parents meet your parents is not at this party. Maybe you can schedule a coffee get together so their initial “how do you do” is with your mom wearing clothing and not a costume.

 Remember you’re not responsible for your mom’s behavior or life choices. At 55 years old how she dresses is her business and her business alone. Maybe she’s living her best life.

 As for your boyfriend’s parents if they’re going to judge you based on your mother’s Halloween costume then they have issues. #runaway

 Now as for that  jealous comment it sounds like your mother’s maternal instincts might need a refresh. Her quip was very unkind and leads me to believe that her entire self worth is tied up in her appearance and let me tell you as an aging female that totally sucks.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉