My family has a tradition of always catering to my stepmother’s wishes and we always go to her house for Christmas Eve dinner and back Christmas morning for breakfast.
This along with visiting my mom, my husband’s divorced parents and grandparents creates a whirlwind. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner obligations for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Recently one of my brothers moved. They’ll be in town the weekend of Christmas but leaving Christmas Eve morning to spend Christmas in their new home. My stepmom is insisting that we not only cancel our Saturday plans to have a family Christmas with them but that we still need to come for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning or no gifts.
I don’t need their gifts but hate that my children (21&19) are being threatened. I was looking forward to an early family Christmas so that I could be with my children Christmas morning for the first time in more than years.
My relationship with my stepmother has always been strained to say the least. I know she will try to manipulate my children if we make a decision she is not happy with. How do I handle this situation?
Already dreading Christmas!
Dear Dreading Christmas,
You need to stop being afraid of your stepmother who sounds like a person that uses every trick in the book to manipulate people and get her own way. You’re an adult and you have every right to celebrate the holidays as you wish and what is best for your immediate family. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to do this because the woman is a tyrant.
So this is what I suggest you do – reach out via email or text so you can say what you need to say without getting interrupted. Tell your stepmother that this Christmas your family won’t be able to participate in all the gatherings then list the ones you’ll be attending easier just say which one you will be attending. I would keep it short, to the point, and kind.
Now that was the easy part because you know she’s going to come for you with a manipulation onslaught. You must stand firm with a “No, I’m sorry we can’t change our plans.”
Because what you have staring you in the face is a now or never situation. If you don’t finally stand up to this woman it’s your fault not hers. You have free will – use it. Boundaries are a beautiful thing. Establishing them is hard but can be life changing.
You can’t have your plan to be just waiting for your stepmother to pass before you finally can have the Christmas you want with your kids. (And by that time they’ll probably have their own families.)
Speaking of your kids, since they are now young adults I would talk with them and tell them what you did so they can support you.
Good Luck. I’m crossing my fingers and sending you all the vibes I have that you stay strong. You can do this.
***
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