Dear Snarky – I’m Getting Attitude For Taking a Pass On Our Family Easter Dinner

Dear Snarky,

 My parents and sister are acting like spoiled brats and being totally clueless about social distancing.

 Not only are my parents, who are in their late 60s, still going to the grocery store almost every day like they don’t have a care in the world but my sister and her six kids are hanging out with my parents.

She’s even dropping her kids off at their house so they can babysit because she needs “a break” and her Bunko group still got together last week. 

 It’s like the coronavirus is happening to other people. My sister had the nerve to actually call me “selfish” for saying there was no way I was going to attend a family Easter dinner. She also said that I was ignoring my parents.

 I’m not ignoring anyone on purpose I’m following the rules. I also have a child with asthma so you can bet we’re hunkered down at home.

 Why am I being made to feel like the bad guy for sheltering in place? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

 Signed, Ticked Off

Dear Ticked,

 I don’t really have any words of comfort for dealing with idiot family members except know that you are not alone AND that this is the time where you need to unapologetically stick to the rules.

 I would also, and I’m sure you have already done this, explain to your parents and sister why these stay home mandates are so important. Perhaps graphs or a pie chart might help or pictures of overwhelmed hospitals.

 Sadly, the bottom line is it’s hard to herd idiots. Some humans are just predisposed to be morons who thrive at picking and choosing what they want to believe like they’re at an all you can eat buffet of stupidity.

 You can only control your own situation and I applaud you for following the rules. Stay strong and don’t let your family bully or manipulate you into doing anything else. Lives depend on us staying home. You’re doing the right thing.

 P.S. Your sister sounds like a total tool.

Dear Snarky – I was invited to a virtual bridal shower that I think is a shakedown for cash

Dear Snarky,

A sorority sister sent me an Evite to a virtual wedding shower. The Evite suggests that instead of gifts we Venmo her money. The reason she gave is that she didn’t want to put a “strain on the delivery service by having people send gifts.”

She says she’s throwing herself a virtual shower because she still “wanted to celebrate her love” and we shouldn’t let the coronavirus “steal our joy.”

The kick in the ass is that this woman’s wedding isn’t until February of 2021. Who throws themselves a bridal shower almost a year before the wedding? My Evite RSVP was that I wasn’t “going” to her virtual shower because I didn’t appreciate the “shake down” for cash 13 months before her wedding.

I guess because people are bored the whole thing blew up and the bride played the boo hoo card and said that I’ve “devastated her and her character.”

Who’s right here?

Signed, Guess who got disinvited from the wedding

Dear Disinvited,

The short answer is not only are you right but you’re RIGHT IN ALL CAPS. The bride has no character to devastate because her behavior is reprehensible. Who during a pandemic where people have lost their jobs or are worried about their jobs and, oh yeah, NOT DYING, sends out a virtual shower invitation asking for cash? Never mind that the wedding is a freaking year away.

To further add to my arsenal of hostility is the wording of the Evite where the bride acts like she’s doing the Lord’s work by pointing out the cash is good because she doesn’t want to “put a strain on the delivery service.” Yeah, right. Cue the world’s largest eye roll. Cash is good because she’s a greedy witch.

As for the whole “steal our joy” B.S. – by “steal our joy” does she mean let’s use a worldwide health crisis to make some money?

Consider yourself lucky to be disinvited. This bride sounds she’s riding shotgun on the Hot Mess Express. Trust me on this – the wedding will be an epic train wreck.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

 

 

 

Dear Snarky – Overheated at the Office

Dear Snarky,

 I work with a woman who is temperature control freak. She complains that she is always freezing. It could be the middle of August and she would say she was “sooo cold.” Because of her whining louder than anyone else our office thermostat is set so high the rest of us are sweating buckets.

 This annoys me for a lot of reasons but none more than the fact that I’ve seen this woman away from work dressed in shorts in February. For example, a couple of weeks ago it was 38 degrees out and while I was at Target I saw this women in shorts and a T-shirt.

 This really made me mad, so I shot a video of her walking outside in the Target parking lot in summer clothes. The next week I saw her at the soccer fields also in shorts when it was below 45 degrees, so I took a video of that. I sent both videos to my co-workers with the question – 40 degrees in shorts so why is the office so hot?

 The whole thing blew up in my face because the woman showed it to the owner of the company and now I’m in trouble for “stalking her.”

 How do I explain I was just trying to get the office thermostat off of 80 degrees?

 Signed, Hot and bothered

Dear Hot,

 Temperature wars at the office are definitely a thing. So, I can understand you being miserable. I too, would have a problem working in an 80-degree office. But just because you’re dripping sweat didn’t make it cool for you to take videos of this woman.

 This is totally my personal opinion, and I know some people will disagree, but I don’t like people videoing other humans without their permission. It’s one thing to have some random strangers in the background while you tape your kids at a birthday party but to make a co-worker the focus of a video without asking is just wrong. And then to send the video to co-workers – again not cool.

 You messed up. I get it, this “always cold co-worker” was wearing shorts outside when the temperature was in the 40’s and you’re thinking WTH? But you crossed a line when you took videos of her. You should have taken your temperature concerns to management instead of becoming an amateur film maker. Admit it –  what you did was immature.

 I would apologize profusely and offer to buy this woman a state-of-the-art space heater for her desk. Yes, this woman is wrong for holding everyone in the office hostage to her temperature needs and yes it’s compounded by the fact when she’s not at work she’s outside in shorts in February. But by taking the videos and sharing them with co-workers you made yourself the problem.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

Dear Snarky My Life Coach Embarrassed Me

Dear Snarky,

I need your help to get someone banned from their job. I have been seeing a life coach for several months. I really liked this woman and I found her advice helpful. Our relationship after a couple of sessions was really less life coaching and more like two girlfriends talking over coffee except I was paying her 50 bucks an hour.

A couple of days ago I was at my son’s middle school basketball game and he got called for a foul. When this happened, a woman stood up on the bleachers and shouted at me, “Maybe you need to add teaching your son to play basketball to your personal goal list!”

The woman screaming at me was my life coach. It turns out her son was on the opposing team and he was the kid who my son got called for fouling. I didn’t notice that she was at the game because she was above me in the bleachers. When I looked up and saw that she was the person yelling at me I almost cried. It was so embarrassing.

I can’t believe this happened and that this woman was so unprofessional. I think other people need to be warned about. Isn’t what I tell her supposed to stay confidential? I would think she could lose her accreditation over this.

What steps do you suggest I take?

Signed, Disappointed and embarrassed

Dear Disappointed,

I hate to be the bearer of more disappointing news because I know you feel like your trust has been 100 percent violated BUT I don’t think there’s much you can do to this loser of a life coach. It’s currently an unregulated industry. You’re not required to have any certification to be life coach. In fact, I could decide to be a life coach right now. Hmm, I’m kind of liking that idea. . . Sorry, I got distracted now back to you.

What you can do is post a bad Google or Yelp review and do a vigorous word -of-mouth campaign that this life coach is less than awesome. The most important thing you need to do is move on. If writing this life coach, a “you’re horrible” letter helps you do this then by all means start typing.

And here’s another fun fact from a non-life coach – you don’t need to waste any more time marinating in what happened at the basketball game. Wallowing in this episode is taking time away from getting your life in order and/or living more fully which, is what, I’m guessing, you were seeing a life coach about.

I also don’t think this should stop you from having a life coach. You did say you found it helpful. I know some people who are life coaches and they have excellent reputations. I would suggest doing more research and asking people who you respect for life coach recommendations if you decide to venture in this direction again.

Until then, there’s always me, Dear Snarky.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Snarky – I Tried to Give a New Mom at School the Inside Scoop and it Backfired

Dear Snarky,

A new family has moved into our neighborhood. One of the kid’s is in my daughter’s class. I met her mother and she seemed really nice. The problem is there’s a mom at the school who tricks  other parents into watching her kids.

It goes something like this: The mom suggests you start a carpool. You agree. Then before you know it you’re doing all the driving and the mom starts sending you texts asking if her kids can go home with you and she’ll pick them later and by later it turns out she means like way after dinner.

I saw this mom being really nice to the new mom and I knew what was up. She was going to start using the new mom as her latest free childcare.

I, being a really nice person, decided to warn the new mom about this woman. The new mom then told the other mom about what I said and now they’re both saying means things about me.

I’m really angry because all I did was give the new mom a head’s up, which by the way I wish someone had done for me, and now I’m the horrible mom. It’s really pissing me off.

Is there any way I can turn this around? It’s getting to me. I’m not going to lie the Valentine’s Day party at school was rough.

Signed, Just trying to help out

Dear Just Trying,

File this under no good deed goes unpunished and mind your own business. The problem here is that while trying to do what you thought was a kind thing (and I’m hoping that was your motivation) with your heads up to the new mom you entered into unknown territory.

 And by that, I mean you didn’t know the new mom well enough to judge how she would handle what you told her. Some mothers, for example – me, would be most appreciative of being told a little inside info. Other mothers are going to think that what you shared was mean spirited and perhaps gossipy. And there’s the third unknown that maybe this new mom is a pot stirrer and she’s going make her mark by really living large on what you shared.

 I think we all know which way this turned out. That said, there is really nothing you can do. I would ignore it. Keep your mouth firmly shut. To say anything else is just going to extend the life span of this drama.

I enthusiastically suggest in the future you need to be a little more circumspect about what you share with strangers and yes, this woman was essentially a stranger. What did you really know about her besides the fact that your kids attend the same school?

 Also, you can take some satisfaction from knowing that the new mom will most likely become the de facto childcare are provider for this woman. When this happens fight the urge to say, “I told you so.”

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

Dear Snarky – The Super Bowl Ruined My Super Proposal

Dear Snarky,

 The Super Bowl ruined my engagement and I don’t know what to do about it. My boyfriend of almost two years had planned to ask me to marry him during the Super Bowl. It wasn’t going to be a surprise or anything because we had talked about it a lot and made plans. I even had a cute hashtag for it. I was going to use #SuperProposal.

 While we were watching the game with thousands of other fans in downtown Kansas City he started to get weird and then after the third quarter he told me that the Chiefs losing by 10 points was a sign that we shouldn’t get married. Then after the fourth quarter interception by the 49’ers he left me, like he disappeared from the party zone.

 While everyone was celebrating the Chiefs win, I was standing in the crowd crying because I wasn’t engaged, and I was all alone. My mom says I should cut my boyfriend some slack because “sports can make guys do weird things.” I’m thinking I shouldn’t let him off that easy. What do you think I should do?

 Signed, #noproposal

Dear No Proposal,

 You need to make like Mahomes and throw this guy about 40 yards because here’s a hash tag for you #YourBoyfriendIsAloser. First and foremost, the fact that he gave up on his team in the 3rd quarter speaks to a total lack of character.

 And using the Chiefs being down by 10 points as an excuse to call off the proposal is beyond childish. If this dude was getting cold feet about the proposal he should have manned up and said so and not blamed it on a football score. And trust me if he used that as a reason to not propose he DID NOT want to get engaged.

 Lastly and much more importantly, it is outrageous and unforgivable that this man/child disappeared into the crowd and left you and shame on your mom for making excuses for him. If some guy pulled this on my daughter he would be dropped kicked.

 If you marry this dolt it will result in #SuperMisery. Marriage is hard and you will endure many sad and challenging situations like a death in the family, financial problems and parenting issues. If this guy ghosted you due to a Super Bowl score then there is no way in hell he’s ready to be a husband.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

 

 

Dear Snarky – Is It Wrong to Keep My Super Bowl Party Chiefs Fans Only?

Dear Snarky,

I’m so mad right now when I should be in a great mood. Finally, after 50 years, the Kansas City Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl. I have been a loyal Chiefs fan since the day I was born. I’m so flipping excited about the Chiefs being in the Super Bowl that my husband and I are throwing a major party.

 I invited all of our friends who love the Chiefs as much as we do. My problem is I have a friend who I like except when it comes to football. She’s a huge Patriots fan and hates the Chiefs. She is so obnoxious about it and trash talks the Chiefs all the time. 

 Because of this I didn’t invite her to my Super Bowl party and now she’s pissed and getting our friends to constantly bug me to invite her to the party.

 I really don’t want to listen to her mouth the entire game but I’m getting worn down by all the texts and phone calls. Do you think I’m right to stick with my original decision to not invite her?

 Signed, Keeping My Home for Mahomies

Dear Mahomies,

 When your beloved football team that you’ve rooted for since birth heads to the Super Bowl you are perfectly within your rights to not invite someone who enjoys disparaging your team to your home for a Super Bowl party.

 I would have a conversation with this woman pronto and just tell her straight up that she wasn’t invited because she has enthusiastically and repeatedly stated that she hates the Chiefs so why in the world would she think that you would extend an invitation to her for a C-H-I-E-F-S Super Bowl party?

 Furthermore, the fact that she’s being a self-involved moron and harassing your friend group for an invite makes me think that you might want to reconsider her as a friend – just saying. At the very least she should get an unsportsmanlike conduct call. 

 Also, if you take the football team rivalry totally out of the equation you still have a grown woman with horrible manners and social skills. You never impinge about your friends to harass another friend for an invite to a party. Period. 

 My advice is to not make any changes to your guest list. You have every right to keep your house a Mahomie only zone.  

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

Dear Snarky – Something Smells About My Dad’s New Wife

Dear Snarky,

I smell a rat and it’s my dad’s new wife. Apparently, she has a “severe scent allergy.” She says she is hypersensitive to certain smells that can cause a reaction that could send her to the hospital.

Before the Christmas holidays she group texted the entire family about how we would need to clear our houses of any scents that would quote “trigger” her. It was a pretty long list that included no air fresheners, no plug-in room fresheners, no scented candles or soap including even dish soap. We also couldn’t wear any scented body lotions, perfume or hair care products around her.

My sister and I thought her list was ludicrous. If you’re that sensitive to smells how do you leave the house because everywhere you go there’s someone wearing something scented.

But because we didn’t want to upset our dad we followed her list which was a huge pain in the ass and yet his wife still had a reaction at my sister’s house on Christmas and she had to leave because she said she could “smell balsam and it felt like her throat was closing.” Talk about drama.

Imagine my surprise when I saw her at a Bath and Bodyworks store on New Year’s Day shopping their big sale with a bag loaded up with scented products from candles to body lotion. I didn’t confront her, but I took a video of her shopping and texted it in the family group message.

Now, my dad is angry at me and his lying new wife is saying she just put a gel in her nose that allowed her to go into the store and my dad is totally buying this.

Is there any way to get him to acknowledge that his wife is a huge liar? And if she’s lying about this imagine what else she is making up?

Signed, Something Smells Off

Dear Off,

Let’s examine the facts. One, your new stepmother is indeed a liar. I’m no doctor but I am a fan of Bath and Body Works and I know if you had a severe scent sensitivity this emporium of smells from wild lime and gardenia to Jasmine and Frankincense would not be a nasal safe space.

I also consulted an allergist and there is no nose gel that would enable a person with such an allergy to plunge themselves into that level of scent utopia and not have a reaction.

This means that your father’s wife is seeking to control the family dynamics and draw attention to herself with these alleged scent issues. Sadly, there is nothing you can do to get your dad to wake up and smell the crazy.

If this ever does happen and it might not, he’s going to have to have his own awakening. No amount of family pressure will make him change his mind. In fact, it could cause him to cleave to this woman longer. You know the whole us against the world dynamic.

I would strive to keep an amicable relationship with your dad while telling his wife that you will no longer be purging your home of scents for her visits. (#UseThatNoseGel)

I also suggest that the fact that you would like to purge her from your family should be kept on the down low – at least for now.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

 

 

 

 

Dear Snarky – My Cousin Went on Facebook and Posted Lies About Our Family

Dear Snarky,

My family has recently been devastated by a family member. After what I thought was a very nice Thanksgiving that included 31 members of our family from a great grandmother to nieces and nephews my cousin went on Facebook and wrote a disgusting post about how awful our family is.

She went off on just about everybody including kids. In my case she used my name and my kids’ names and said that I was a “mean girl raising mean girls.”

As if that wasn’t bad enough her post got a lot of likes and sad faces and even my high school math teacher from way back in the day gave it a sad face.

It has taken everything I have not to go on Facebook and comment and defend my family. I want too so bad. I’ve been going back and forth over what to do because it feels wrong to let her say these things without my family defending themselves especially when it comes to the kids.

Signed, Furious

Dear Furious,

To begin let me congratulate you on not losing your mind as soon as your cousin posted about your kids on social media. That took major self-control.

Now let me also share that my advice is going to be skewed because I don’t know anything about your family. You could be the best family in the world or horrible. I’m going to go with that your family is average. This means flawed with a crazy member or two or three.

My recommendation is that you do your family due diligence and get some relatives to meet with this cousin and try to decipher what’s hurting her because her Facebook post could be a cry for help.

After that is done I would let your cousin knew that writing about anyone’s child on social media is basically game over for your relationship.

I would then be prepared for your cousin to go back on social media and post some long, rambling diatribe about how her family tried to silence her. Because here’s the deal – your cousin craves attention, Facebook provides it. She’s probably not going to stop posting.

You also need to realize those likes and sad faces she’s getting are because when people see train wrecks on social media they feel uncomfortable so the easiest thing to do is the sad face.

Don’t fall into her social media pit of cray cray. You need to block her and move on. I’m going to say that again – BLOCK AND MOVE ON. You’re not going to stop her and to engage with her on Facebook is just going to create more fireworks.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

Dear Snarky – My Sister Wore a Bridal Gown to MY Wedding

Dear Snarky,

 It’s official my sister is insane because she wore a wedding dress to my wedding. Let me back up a bit. She wore a wedding dress she had purchased two years ago and never got to wear because her fiancé called off the wedding.

 My crazy, sneaky sister who was my maid of honor changed out of her bridesmaid dress and into a wedding dress minutes before MY wedding started. She did this after my mom had been seated in the front pew and when my dad and I were in a back corner of the church waiting for our turn to walk down the aisle so we couldn’t see her.

 The other bridesmaids did see her and were horrified. My best friend tried to stop her from walking down the aisle but was afraid of causing a scene. So, imagine my shock when my dad and I come from the back of the church and start walking down the aisle and I see my sister at the front of the church in a wedding dress. I almost lost it.

 Thankfully, my now husband whispered in my ear not to let my sister ruin this wonderful day. So, I kept it together and focused on the positive – I was married.

 Now, I hate my sister and want nothing to do with her and her lame excuse that wearing a wedding dress to my wedding was because she didn’t want “her beautiful dress to go to waste.” My mom says family is forever and I need to “make peace with it.”

 Don’t you think I have a right to be mad and stay mad?

 Signed, Angry Bride

 P.S. My mom did make my sister change out of the wedding dress for all the photos.

 Dear Angry,

Umm no, this isn’t a situation where your mom can wave a magic happy family wand and presto everything is all rainbows and unicorns.

You have every right to be beyond angry. One of the reasons you sister did this besides being a huge, narcissistic, jealous, loser is because your mom, and I imagine other family members, have made excuses for her behavior over the years. They did your sister no favors by covering up her obvious character defects by papering over them with all that family means love B.S. Long ago they should have been  imposing some consequences and therapy, lots of therapy.

 What she did, in my opinion, was an act of family terrorism. She tried to ruin your wedding. You would be a fool and I think it would be mentally unhealthy for you to just sweep it all under the run for the sake of family harmony because what your sister did was unforgivable.

 Just because you are related to someone DOES NOT give them permission to disrespect you or be hateful to you. Family maybe forever but this doesn’t mean you have to stand for their shameful behavior.

 I suggest taking a break from your family until you’re in a better headspace and when you’re ready to reengage with them I would do so with some basic rules of human decency in place.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉