Dear Snarky – I Didn’t Make a Coronavirus Friend’s List

Dear Snarky,

I’ve been played by someone I thought was a really good friend. This woman has compromised lungs so she has been careful, or so I thought, about following a really strict coronavirus quarantine. I haven’t seen her in person since March 11 but we’ve zoomed, texted, talked and I’ve run lots of errands for her and dropped off food with notes just so she wouldn’t feel so alone.

I recently found out that “my friend” has been going out to eat with other people, even to bars and football watching parties for months. I was shocked because she led me to believe that she wasn’t leaving her house.

I asked her why she was going out while telling me that she was staying home? Her answer floored me. She said that she was spending time with friends who were “worth risking getting the coronavirus for” and I “didn’t make that list.”

I don’t even know how to begin to process this. Should I drop her as a friend? Was she just using me to get her groceries and run errands? Am I an a-hole for not realizing I was being used? I’m really stunned and need your help.

Signed, Sad and Surprised

Dear Sad,

Wow, that is cold blooded wrapped up in so much stupidity I’m almost without words. This woman sounds horrible. It’s one thing if she decided to change her mind about her stay-at-home procedures but having a whole “friends worth risking the coronavirus for” list is just all kinds of mind boggling to me. I wouldn’t worry about not making that list because apparently her lungs didn’t either.

Right now, I would view this as an opportunity to cleanse your life of this so-called friend. To me the issue isn’t that you didn’t make her dumb ass list it’s that she lied to you and probably would have kept on lying until she was caught. Don’t allow yourself to dwell on what happened instead think of it as a gift that now you know not to spend another second wasting your time on someone that isn’t worthy of you.

I also don’t want you to beat yourself up over being kind to this friend. Even if she was taking advantage of your generous spirit by having you run errands for her etc. you didn’t know that. What you did was an act of friendship and that speaks volumes about your character.

You sound like a very kind person and there are a lot of people right now that could use a friend like you. Don’t let this jerk make you question your inner goodness.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

6Comments

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1

Mike Langworthy on January 26, 2021 at 1:24 pm

A particularly wise response to a person whose superior character was abused.
2

S.J. on January 26, 2021 at 1:25 pm

Umm, compromised lungs and this woman is going to bars. I wouldn’t worry about your friendship because it sounds like COVID is about to become her bestie.
3

Jolane on January 26, 2021 at 2:32 pm

Cut your ties to her, and let it all go! Don’t waste another thought on her. You will be a much happier person.
4

AthenaC on January 26, 2021 at 3:54 pm

W O W.

For your own peace of mind, try to reframe your time and effort as a “gift freely given” and make a decision not to give any more time and effort. She took advantage of your kindness and you’re well within your rights to be angry. Further, she has shown that she has no guilt about lying and misleading you in order to extract favors from you, which means that you can expect this sort of conduct from her in the future.

She has shown you by her actions that she’s not your friend; I suggest you scale back your expectations accordingly and release yourself from any expectation of being her friend.

Good luck!
5

Susie Uppman on January 26, 2021 at 4:41 pm

I’d be inclined to send her an invoice for your services. You THOUGHT you were helping a friend. But now that you know you were just providing a convenience, send her an invoice (without expectation of payment, of course). Then….buhbye!!
6

Steph on January 26, 2021 at 5:53 pm

Wow! Considering she doesn’t value your friendship, and has no problem telling you as much, I’d take that as a green light to step away. You should spend your time on friends who will reciprocate your care, kindness and friendship, not on ones who lie and use people for their own benefit.