Dear Snarky,
My son and his girlfriend have been dating for several years. They have talked about getting married and he has told me that she is “the one.” My son was very close with his maternal grandmother (she passed away several years ago) and we have her engagement and wedding rings.
He has always wanted to give her engagement ring to whomever he marries, but his girlfriend has very specific ideas for the ring she wants. Unfortunately, although absolutely beautiful, his grandmother‘s ring doesn’t fit any of those specs.
We talked about taking it to a jeweler and having the diamonds used to make a ring for her, but the center stone is only a half of a carat and she wants at least a full carat with no side stones.
I’ve tried not to get involved, but he has asked for my advice. As a mom, I wanted to tell him that, I would’ve been very happy if his father had given me something so sentimental and that she should be the same way if she really loves him, but some of my younger friends have suggested that, if HE really loves HER, he should give her what she wants.
Also, as a mom, I see all sorts of red flags for their future and wonder if he’s going to be able to provide the quality of life that she seems to expect. I hope you and/or some of your readers can give me some advice.
#boymom
Dear Boy Mom
There’s so much to unpack here so let’s start with the ring. I would take the grandmother’s ring literally off the table. If your son’s almost fiancée won’t be happy with a ½ carat diamond then that’s that.
I would instead save the rings to pass on to another family member (daughter or granddaughter) who will be thrilled to wear her grandmothers or great grandmother’s diamonds as a ring or even made into a necklace.
As for the red flags – take a breath. I understand how needing your engagement ring to be “at least” one carat isn’t the best look for a future daughter-in-law but I’m guessing she’s young, has a Pinterest board resplendent with diamond rings and it seems hasn’t matured enough yet to realize the size of your engagement ring diamond in the grand scheme of a marriage means literally nothing. But truth be told there’s women my age that haven’t figured that out yet. Plus, she’ll be wearing the ring for the rest of her life so she needs to love it.
I’m going to also urge you to trust your son’s instincts. He may already have a voice inside his head telling him WTH? on spending thousands of dollars on a big old diamond ring. So, let this play out and in the meanwhile I would feel welcome to share a very edited version of your advice since you son asked for it. And by edited I mean biting your tongue and trying not to yell, “Really, she’ll only take an one carat diamond at the minimum? Is that type of girl you want to marry?”
But above all remember your son is a grown man and you have to respect his choices in engagement rings and fiancées.
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Snarky in the Suburbs 