I’m not sure you’re the right person to reach out to for advice because to be honest I only read your stuff for the laughs. It’s a little awkward to now be in the position to actually be writing to you but I usually agree with what you tell people so here goes.
My 30-year-old daughter recently got married. Because of COVID it was a very small wedding. That’s not to say it wasn’t exquisite. It was just very intimate. Now my daughter has asked my husband and I to give her money we saved from “not throwing her a huge wedding.”
At first we thought she was joking and my husband and I had a good laugh. Unfortunately, she’s dead serious. She even told us that by having a small wedding she saved us at least $40,000 but she would settle for $25,000.
To say we were taken aback would be an understatement. My husband got furious and pointed out that we still spent a pretty penny on her wedding and that what we spent was what had been budgeted. There’s no extra money laying around.
I told her that she’s a 30-year-old attorney and her husband is a 35-year-old executive and that they are at little too old to be asking for handouts.
It got very heated and now our daughter is not talking to us. She’s even blocked both of us on her phone. I’m afraid the longer this lasts the harder it will be to heal the rift. Do you have any advice on how to move forward?
Signed, Worried and Disappointed Mother
Give me a second because I need to pick my jaw off the floor. Holy-Freaking-Crap that is some brazen daughter you’ve got there. That said I’m sure with those stones she’s an excellent litigator.
To be clear a 30-year-old highly educated woman and her fast approaching middle-age husband who is also gainfully employed should not be trying to fleece their parents/in-laws. Because that’s what this is – a fleecing.
I don’t blame you or your husband for losing it. The greed and total lack of conscience and gratitude is alarming. Both your bank account and your feelings have to be feeling very raw right now.
As for what to do to heal the rift my response is do nothing. That’s right, just sit tight because your daughter will come back around. It’s obvious that she’s having a temper tantrum and it’s also obvious that she’ll want you to do something else for her.
My best guess she’s going to come back and try to negotiate for at least $12,500. Stand firm. It sounds like you need to establish some boundaries for your relationship moving forward.
Also, and this may freak you out. But based on her actions I would never give her medical power of attorney or any power of attorney – EVER. I don’t trust her and she seems to be very financially motivated in her dealings with you. I apologize if this has upset you further but I felt I had to point this out.
Best of luck and remember you are not responsible for your adult child’s behavior! DO NOT beat yourself up over what she’s doing. It’s 100% on her.
If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. 😉