We’re one week into 2020 and I’m already at full rant, like Defcon 1 rant. I tried to tamp this rant down, but it just made it worse like when you squeeze yourself into shape […]
Author: snarkyinthesuburbs
Dear Snarky – Something Smells About My Dad’s New Wife
Dear Snarky, I smell a rat and it’s my dad’s new wife. Apparently, she has a “severe scent allergy.” She says she is hypersensitive to certain smells that can cause a reaction that could send […]
Happy 2020!
It’s New Year’s Day and this just isn’t any New Year it’s the start of a new decade. So cue all the stories and lists about how to make this next decade “the best ever.” […]
Dear Snarky – My Cousin Went on Facebook and Posted Lies About Our Family
Dear Snarky, My family has recently been devastated by a family member. After what I thought was a very nice Thanksgiving that included 31 members of our family from a great grandmother to nieces and […]
Christmas Tree Crisis “BEARly” Averted
I put my Christmas tree up earlier this month and it only took almost an e-n-t-i-r-e day. Yep, from sun up to sun down I was messing with that tree. I have no one to […]
Dear Snarky – My Sister Wore a Bridal Gown to MY Wedding
Dear Snarky, It’s official my sister is insane because she wore a wedding dress to my wedding. Let me back up a bit. She wore a wedding dress she had purchased two years ago and […]
When Dateline Podcasts Mess With Your Sanity
Was someone trying to kill me? I swear I’m not being melodramatic. I had proof. A white van had been following me on multiple occasions and someone was unlocking my kitchen sliding glass door when […]
Dear Snarky – I Was Left Out of the Family Holiday Photo
Dear Snarky, My feelings are really hurt by my boyfriend’s family and it has me wondering how my boyfriend can be so nice and his family so mean. Last weekend his family had professional holiday […]
Thanksgiving Is Getting the Shaft
What happened to Thanksgiving? I feel like it has become the fruitcake of holidays. Sure, it’s a day everybody acknowledges and celebrates but it’s not something you’re that passionate about. It seems like more and […]
The Yuck Factor of Flying is Getting Worse
When did we become a society devoid of being cognizant of our surroundings? And what has happened in the past decade to give people the mistaken belief that they possess a super power and are […]
Writing Can Get Pretty Ugly
*Note: I write a weekly opinion column for the Kansas City Star. Some of the stuff I muse about is a little more political in nature than I what share on this blog and by […]
Dear Snarky – I’m Being Shunned For Bringing Cupcakes to a School Party
Dear Snarky, I’m being shunned at my son’s elementary school due to having the “audacity” to bring mini chocolate cupcakes to the first grade Halloween party. I never received the link to the online sign […]
Dear Snarky – How Can We Tell a Family Member Not to Run for Public Office?
Dear Snarky, My niece announced to the family that she wants to run for public office and quite frankly a lot of us think it might just be the worst idea ever. She’s young, has […]
Team Spirit
I confess to being a nervous and some might say irritating football fan. I blame it on the fact that I’m a mother because all I want is for everyone to have fun and not […]
Dear Snarky – Help! My Co-Worker is Already Christmas Crazy
Dear Snarky, I have a co-worker who’s insane. She is pathologically obsessed with Christmas. On October 1 she decorated her cubicle, started burning some awful smelling pinecone scented candle and has some sort of plug […]
The College Admission Dumpster Fire
Colleges need an overhaul. Let’s start with the expense. A four year degree from an in-state school can now cost more than $100,000. Once upon a time going to a public university in your home […]
Dear Snarky – How Do I Tell a Friend She Has an Instagram Filter Addiction?
Dear Snarky, Is there anyway to tell a really cute friend that she is over editing all her photos on social media? I get it we all edit our photos for Instagram but the goal […]
A Psychological Study of School Pick Up and Drop Off
There are many things in this world that perplex me like how did jackfruit become a culinary trend? Have you tried cutting open a jackfruit? I swear brain surgery is probably less labor intensive and […]
Dear Snarky – My Mom Needs to Quit Wearing Sexy Halloween Costumes
Dear Snarky, I need help with my mother. I swear she thinks she’s Jennifer Lopez and by that I mean at 55 she is very proud of her body and loves to show it off. […]
Hybrid Hysteria
I understand the beauty of a hybrid. When you take the best characteristics from one group and blend them with another, often incongruous, category you sometimes achieve genius. But more often than not these mismatches […]
Help Me! I’m a Halloween Hoarder
I consider myself an exemplary purger. Way before everyone hopped aboard the Marie Kondo declutter train I was the master (due to multiple moves) of “If I haven’t used or thought about an item in a year […]
Dear Snarky – My Boss is Spying on Me With a Doggie Cam
Dear Snarky, I work for a very small company and my co-workers and I just discovered the owner is spying on us. She brings her dogs to work and has set up several treat dispensers […]
On Air and Scared
Never say never. In my wildest dream there’s one thing I thought I would absolutely not be doing again and that’s co-hosting an hour-long live TV show. Back in the day, like way back in […]
Dear Snarky – My Boyfriend is WAY Jealous of My Fantasy Football Skills
Dear Snarky, I have a problem with my boyfriend and it’s making me worry about our future together. He’s always been super competitive and now he’s angry with me because my fantasy football team is […]
Dear Snarky – My Mom and Mother-In-Law Have Turned Grandparenting Into a Competitive Sport
Dear Snarky, My mom and mother-in-law are driving me crazy. They’re both very competitive and my kids are always in the middle of their tug-of-wars as they try to one up each other. For example, […]
California Dreaming
I feel like I’ve wrestled a Sasquatch. I’m not kidding every bone in my body is sore and as for my mental state well, it’s questionable. The culprit for my misery is driving to California […]
Straws I Just Can’t Quit You
I’ve seen the future and it’s straw free. Well, to be accurate plastic straw free. I had this epiphany when I was on the West Coast and discovered that plastic straws were verboten. I was okay […]
Dear Snarky – Help! The Bride Has Demanded All of Her Bridesmaids Go on the Keto Diet
Dear Snarky, Is there a nice way to get out of being a bridesmaid in wedding without saying, “F off!” My cousin is getting married in December and she told all five of her bridesmaids […]
My Appliances Hate Me
“They don’t make things like they used to.” Now, congratulate me for officially sounding old. Don’t worry it won’t hurt my feelings because my kids have been roasting me for a week about “channeling their […]
My Smart TV Outsmarted Me
I’m recovering from a personal journey that tested me in ways I’ve never been tested before. There were times when I was scared, bewildered, angry and tear stained. I ranted at the world and shouted […]
Dear Snarky – We’ve Got Issues
Aah, summer where the living is easy except if you’re in the middle of an August heat wave BUT the heat did give me a good excuse to expediently tackle three summer hot topics. Ready, […]
Dear Snarky – I’m Conflicted About Attending My High School Reunion
Dear Snarky, I keep changing my mind about going to my high school reunion. I wasn’t exactly the popular type and the people I want to keep up with I do so through social media. […]
What Watching Three Episodes of “The Bachelorette” Taught Me
I’ve been educated by watching “The Bachelorette.” Yes, I know that sounds strange especially coming from someone who is a prude and is this close to identifying as a Duggar because wearing a loose fitting […]
Dear Snarky – My Future In-Laws Won’t Pay for My Second Bridal Gown
Dear Snarky, I’m getting some bad vibes from my future mother-in-law. I don’t think she likes me and she’s being super cheap about the wedding. When I went dress shopping with my mom and sisters […]
Memory Lane Slapped Me in the Face
Sometimes memories gently lull you and sometimes they slap you in the face in the most unlikely places. I never would have thought a trip to Nashville, a city I have zero emotional connection to, […]
Dear Snarky – Pool Pirrarah
Dear Snarky, I need your help getting back at a friend who pulled what I consider a pretty mean stunt. Last week I had 4 girlfriends and their kids come over for a low-key pool […]
Busted – Do I Love My Family Enough to Live With Them on a Bus?
I love my family very much. But, true confession time here; I don’t love them enough to spend a year in a school bus with them. And by spending a year I mean actually living […]
Dear Snarky – Say Hello to the Prize Police
Dear Snarky, I’m in charge of our neighborhood’s Fourth of July parade and I’m getting some serious attitude from other people on my committee. In the past we have given out ribbons for best bike […]
Snakes in Pool Noodles – Are You Kidding Me?!!
Summer is fraught with peril. Around every sunshiny corner danger lurks. Nothing is safe – not even something as innocuous and innocent as a rainbow-hued pool noodle. Yes, a pool noodle is officially an instrument […]
Dear Snarky – I Have a Trash Peeping Neighbor
Dear Snarky, I have a neighbor that is so nosy she is literally going through my family’s trash cans. I have seen her many times looking at our trash after we take it to the […]
Buried Alive In Laundry
Laundry had taken over my life. I’m used to the rhythm of my day including at least one load of laundry but what was different was that my laundry had morphed from the humdrum of […]
Dear Snarky – Church Camp Went Straight to Hell Before It Even Started
Dear Snarky, My daughter has been excited about going to summer sleep away church camp since we signed her up for it in January. I recently found out that she won’t be bunking with her […]
Talk Blocked By the Thrones/Avenger Universe
For the first time in my life I feel decidedly disconnected from the majority of humanity. I, a woman who loves to talk, have recently had zero to contribute to almost any conversation. Over the […]
It Wasn’t Pretty But I Did It
It seemed so scary and intimidating. Every time I would walk by the room I tried to avert my eyes but I couldn’t help but peek in. It’s weirdness called to me. What was this […]
Dear Snarky – Field Day Dumb Assery
Dear Snarky, I feel like I’m being extorted! There are two moms at my children’s school who think running Field Day is right up there with curing cancer. The emails and group texts have been […]
The 80s Lady is Back!
It’s spring that means it’s time for me to deliver my seasonal fashion rant. (Just as a FYI I’m still not over the bell sleeve uprising of 2018.) But, this time instead of a rant […]
I’m High On Grass
I have an addiction. I knew things had gotten bad when I received a text at 6:45 on a Wednesday morning. It was from my supplier. She wrote in all caps that if I wanted […]
Not Cool – The Saga of My (sort of) AC Free Childhood
Do you ever have times in your life when you feel like you’ve forsaken the profound teachings and dictates of your parents? It can be a very unsettling feeling. It’s almost like you’re cheating on […]
Dear Snarky – WTH on a College Reveal Party?
Dear Snarky, What is wrong with people? I say this while staring at an invitation to a college reveal party. I didn’t even know what the hell that was until I goggled it and found […]
I Have Pothole Superpowers (Yeah, not as good as flying or invisibility but I’ll take what I can get.)
I’ve discovered I have a super power. I’m “Pothole Woman.” It seems I’m equipped with an inner GPS that no matter where I’m driving I somehow manage to encounter the biggest, more gnarly potholes. It’s […]
