If you want someone who will always give you the brutal, unvarnished truth, usually unsolicited – have a daughter. Last week, I was the recipient of some harsh reality tidbits from my daughter when I […]
Author: snarkyinthesuburbs
Losing and Finding My Hallmark Holiday Movie Joy
Something was wrong in my holiday universe and I’m not talking about the coronavirus. It’s always omnipresent. But COVID-19 aside something felt off. For the first time in two decades, I just wasn’t feeling it […]
Dear Snarky – My Cousin Went Real Life Grinch On My Family’s Christmas
Dear Snarky, I don’t know if I should be writing you or calling the police because I’m sure my cousin has stolen family Christmas gifts. It all started when my cousin who lives near most […]
Warning: Decorating for Christmas Can be Hazardous to your Health
It’s over. Now all that’s left is for me to continue applying Icy Hot to my back and taking a regimen of ibuprofen so I can soon walk, perhaps even bend over, without uttering a […]
Dear Snarky – My Mom Wants Me to Evict My Sister
Dear Snarky, I have a sister and brother-in-law who are taking extreme advantage of my mom and dad. Back in April they moved into my parent’s house “briefly” with their three kids. Their reasoning for […]
Counting Steps While Going Deep on Smart Toasters
So, it’s come to this – I’m now obsessed with footsteps. Specifically, the number of steps I take every day. Yes, I know this is so early aughts the whole step counting thing. But my […]
The Pressure to Create the Perfect Pandemic Holiday in 2020
It’s bad when it’s not even Thanksgiving yet and I feel very, very, late to the Christmas party. I get it, I really do, in the third wave of a pandemic “we need a little […]
Dear Snarky – My Mother Won’t Share Thanksgiving Recipes With Me
Dear Snarky, What do you think about a mom who won’t share family recipes with her daughter? Due to the coronavirus our large family has decided to not celebrate Thanksgiving together. This means for the […]
Painted Into a Corner
One would think after recently recovering from a debilitating journey to wallpaper removal hell I would have come to the conclusion that I’m significantly challenged in all forms of home improvement. But because I suffer […]
Dear Snarky – A Greedy Daughter Is Out to Fleece Her Parents
Dear Snarky, I’m not sure you’re the right person to reach out to for advice because to be honest I only read your stuff for the laughs. It’s a little awkward to now be in […]
The Pumpkin Pie Walk of Shame
This pandemic has altered people. I, for one, have done something I vowed I would never do. I’m now a hoarder. During the early months of the pandemic I cast aspersions at people who bought […]
I Was the Problem Voter in the Family
It’s election day. If you want some keen insight on politics I’m not that person. What I do know is that I have never been more nervous about voting in my entire life. I was […]
Dear Snarky – My Sister Pretended My Baby Was Hers
Dear Snarky, I’m so angry at my sister right I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I recently had a beautiful baby girl. My sister had been devoted to my baby and that made […]
True Confessions of a Football Wife
Noooo! This can’t be happening? Hasn’t the pandemic been agony enough. Why, oh why, am I now in college football hell – again? One would think that the fact a fan can experience Big 12 […]
Wallpaper Removal is Bad for Your Mental Health
Why do the home improvement gods hate me? I have done nothing but worship on the altar of their divine greatness. I watch TV shows celebrating their prowess, read magazines with the fervor of a […]
Addicted to Grass
I have a problem. I hide things from my husband. I don’t hide anything dramatic or something that calls out for a two-part docu-series on the Investigation Discovery channel. I don’t even hide my feelings […]
Dear Snarky – Coronavirus as a Halloween Costume
Dear Snarky, I want to punch the father of my son right in the face. We share a two-year-old boy. Up to this point everything has been fine with custody and creating a loving environment […]
Zoom Meeting Personality Profiles
Back in the day I was all about “Come on and zooma, zooma, zooma-Zoom!” I was so into it I begged my mother to let me try out to be a “Zoom Kid.” My pleas […]
Hike or Murder?
You never really think it’s going to happen to you. Sure, you’ve seen movies and TV shows about it and even probably read your share of books focused on the topic. But seriously, what woman […]
Dear Snarky – My Mother-In-Law is a Serial Liar
Dear Snarky, I’ve got a big gripe about my mother-in-law. She’s a huge liar about her adult children. But she’s sneaky about it. She doesn’t come right out and lie she hints and I’m about […]
Dear Snarky – My Fiancé Keeps on Postponing Our Wedding
Dear Snarky, I’m confused what is going on with my fiancé right now. He keeps on pushing back our wedding date. We were originally scheduled to get married in February of 2021 but he wanted […]
College Drop Off in the Time of Covid
It’s not the kind of text you ever want to receive. I’m talking about the angry husband text that’s disguised as the nice husband text. The key words are, “not trying to be difficult . […]
Dear Snarky – My Sister Is Giving Thanksgiving the Bird
Dear Snarky, My sister has lost her ever loving mind. We’re already making plans for the holidays and it’s my sister’s turn to host Thanksgiving. Yesterday she sent out a family group text saying all […]
Lawn Therapy
Being erroneously told when we bought our house a decade ago that “yards here don’t need a sprinkler system” is on page 16 in my “Big Book of Complaining.” Long time readers have heard me […]
Dear Snarky – My Daughter Got Kicked Out of Her Sorority Because of Me
Dear Snarky, I’m devastated. My daughter has been kicked out of the sorority she just got into. The worst thing is it’s not her fault. It’s mine. Sorority recruitment this year was all virtual because […]
Social Media is Breaking Me
I’m doing a pause on social media. I’m thinking of it as a little vacation for my mental wellbeing. And yes I know what you’re thinking. It’s probably the exact same thing my husband was […]
Dear Snarky – A Family Member Is Pretending to Be a Teacher
Dear Snarky, My husband’s stepsister is lying about being a teacher and I need a way to stop her. Due to a lot of schools deciding to start the school year virtual she is advertising […]
Swimming Away a Pandemic Funk
I don’t know about you but this pandemic has really put a dent in my mojo. It’s totally understandable, of course, since our constant companion is a specter of fear that, at least for me, […]
Dear Snarky – Vacay Toilet Drama
Dear Snarky, My sister has sent me a bill for $250 to cover half of the home insurance deductible she has on her lake house. I can’t believe that she expects me to pay for […]
I’m Not an Expert But I Play One on the Internet
A week or two ago I wrote about how the most fundamental of science knowledge and common sense seems to be eluding a significant swath of the U.S. population. Mainly because so many people are […]
Embracing the Incognito Freedom
I’m on a mask roll. Yes, I realize that I recently wrote about masks so let’s call this “Masks – the Sequel.” I feel it is my duty, nay let’s make that my calling, to […]
Dear Snarky – My Wedding Gift Was Mocked By the Bride in a Video
Dear Snarky, I’m extremely upset about how I was treated at my cousin’s virtual wedding shower. Because of the COVID everyone dropped off presents at her house. We did it parade style where the bride-to-be […]
Meet the Mask Enforcers – Advanced Middle-Aged Moms
There’s a lot that has surprised me about people’s understanding and reaction to the coronavirus. Before COVID-19 I thought we were a fairly intelligent country. More than 90 percent of Americans over the age of […]
Dear Snarky – I’m Being Harassed By My Hair Stylist
Dear Snarky, My hair stylist has taken to social media to try to ruin me. I have been going to this woman for a very long time and we’re friends on Facebook. Once the lock […]
A Sprinkling of Silver Linings
I think we can all agree that so far 2020 has been annus horribilis. (Shout out to my high school Latin that I haven’t used in 40 years.) If you’re one of those people that […]
Dear Snarky – A “Karen” Wants a Name Change
Dear Snarky, My mother is being ridiculous and I need some words of wisdom to share so she quits making a fool of herself. My mom’s name is Karen. She’s not one of those Karen’s. […]
I Hope Your Origin Story is Better Than Perry Mason’s
I’m over origin stories. Specifically, I’m over the use of origin stories as a way to create television and movie content. I say this because “Perry Mason,” one of my most beloved TV shows, was […]
Dear Snarky – My Cousin Borrowed My Clothes and Then Sold Them Online
Dear Snarky, My cousin and I have been best friends since we were little. We were born three days apart and a lot of people think we’re twins. Now we’re both 25 and still close. […]
Cheez-It Parenting in an Extreme Parenting World
Help, I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole and I can’t get out. Worse, I don’t even know if I want to get out which is quite frankly embarrassing because I feel like I’m in the […]
Dear Snarky – Pool Protocol, the Office Ass & the Family Slacker
I’ve received a couple of Dear Snarky letters that deserve an answer – a short answer. So, I’ve decided to do one of my favorite things – “Snarky in Seconds.” This means I’ll be answering […]
Hands Down on this Display of Affection
I’m going to straight up admit I’m a stalker. But, I’d like to think I’m a stalker with a certain level of panache. This means I don’t stalk my children because in a word – […]
When Road Construction Gives You Home Improvement Flashbacks
Every time I drive down a street near my home that has been eviscerated by road construction I visibly shudder. It’s been a construction hot mess for more than a year. For me it’s the […]
Dear Snarky – I Don’t Want to Share My Wedding Dress
Dear Snarky, My brother’s fiancée has asked to borrow my bridal gown for her wedding next year. I recently got married and to be honest I don’t want her to wear my dress. We’re not […]
Home Alone (But Not For Long Enough)
It has been 77 days. 77 long, long days. But it has finally happened. I’m alone in my home. Blissfully alone. Ah, the sounds of silence because what I’m not hearing is someone on a […]
Dear Snarky – When a Grad Party Cancellation Gets F-Bomby
Dear Snarky, I’m so angry at my family! My daughter’s very small high school graduation party was scheduled for this weekend and now I’ve had to cancel it because so many of my family members […]
Bored In Dream Land
I’m not a dreamer. Yes, I have dreams as in hopes and wishes but as far as dreaming while I sleep I’ve never been someone who remembers my dreams and then likes to start a […]
Dear Snarky – I Feel Like My Friends Are Gaslighting Me
Dear Snarky, I think I have flushed some longstanding friendships down the toilet. One of my friends was driving me absolutely crazy by whining nonstop on social media, group texts etc about how hurt and […]
Quarantine Curious
Here’s what my current life situation has succumb to: I’m wasting time being abnormally curious about why all the fire hydrants in my neighborhood have been painted gray. Is it primer? Is there some kind […]
Can a Patriot Rescue Us from Quarantine Brain?
The word patriot is not what it used to be. A mere five years ago if someone was called a patriot I would assume they were talking about a Paul Revere-esque figure and the whole, […]
Dear Snarky – My Mom Favors and is Enabling Our Older Sister
Dear Snarky, We’re two sisters who are sick and tired of our mother enabling our oldest sister. We’re both college students that have been working doing instacart during the coronavirus to make extra money. Meanwhile, […]
Snarky in the Suburbs 