11 Lame Excuses My Kids Give Me In An Attempt to Get Out of Raking/Mulching/Bagging Leaves *A yard covered in a dense, three-foot pile of leaves is Mother Nature’s way of composting. *Being forced to rake will […]
Decoding The Gratitude Posts
I used to like the month of November. It was a low pressure month. Sure, there’s the whole cooking a gargantuan meal that will take you two days to prepare and be consumed in under […]
9 Ways to Wreck Your Kids Halloween
1) Bring raw Kale Roll Ups that you describe as “scary good” to the 2nd grade Halloween party. 2) Cry at party because the kids make fun of your Kale Roll Ups calling them Zombie […]
In Praise of Snark
It has come to my attention that a misguided group of sarcastically challenged individuals have proclaimed the third Tuesday in October as “National Snark Free Day.” They even have a half way decent graphic so […]
Dear Snarky – Halloween Q & A
Due to the volume of Halloween help letters I received this week I’m going to do something a little different – I call it Speed Snarky. Five letters, five rapid fire answers Dear Snarky, […]
I’m Ruining With Your Kid’s Halloween and I Couldn’t Be Happier
Sometimes people ask if they can “guest blog” on my site. This mother after reading Hold On Halloween I’m Coming to Save You requested an opportunity to comment on the other side of the Halloween story. Please note the […]
Dear Snarky – Happy Trampy Halloween
Dear Snarky, My daughter is 13 and a group of her friends want to go as devils for Halloween. I have zero problem with her being a devil. What I do have a problem with […]
Trouble in Texas
Here’s a peek at chapter one (rough draft) of my new book. Fingers crossed you like it! Chapter One Is there anything more hygienically foul than an airport? Hell no. That’s why I’m sitting at […]
The Idiot’s Guide to Picking Up Your Kids From School
I thought 10 Steps to a Successful School Drop Off would have been enough information to help parents safely navigate the treacherous school drop off/pick up waters. Sadly, dear friends I was wrong. So, because […]
Dear Snarky – Did I over complain at my kids school?
Dear Snarky, My twins have just started the first grade. I love their school but I do have a couple of issues with things like school pick up and drop off, homework assignments and the cafeteria. […]
Dear Half Wits
This is in response to the more than 147 and counting lame emails I have received about the post I wrote about Miley Cyrus. My biggest take away after reading all of the less than […]
Miley Cyrus Is Not the Problem
Dear God in heaven please spare me from all the continued mom outrage about Miley Cyrus and her VMA performance. Sure, it was crass and oh so calculated. Look at what we’re all talking about. […]
Five Ways to Get Out of Volunteering At Your Kid’s School
It starts in late summer with emails from the PTO alerting you to various “fulfilling” volunteer opportunities awaiting you at your kid’s school. On the first day of your school your child’s backpack is stuffed […]
Dear Snarky – Poop Wars
Dear Snarky, Our neighborhood has turned into a battle over dog poop. It’s gotten so bad I’m afraid to walk my dog. Everyone one is accusing everyone else of not picking up their dog’s poop. […]
Dear Snarky – Swim Team Cheaters
Dear Snarky, My two kids are on the neighborhood swim team and a couple of parents have noticed that two mothers are cheating so their kids can win. They do this by being the time […]
Vacation Quid Pro Quo
Dear Snarky, Last month my son went with his best friend’s family to Disney World. I paid for my son’s airfare and all his Disney expenses including food. I even gave the family $200 to […]
Let Freedom Ring
I’m sure my July 4th was just like yours full of food, fireworks and annoyance. My festive Independence Day started by attending a local bike parade. You know where the kids decorate their bikes and ride […]
The Outdoor Kitchen – Why?
Summer Servings of Snarky Dear Friends, I feel guilty. I haven’t written a new Snarky in a very long time. Blame it on having kids home 24/7 which means I’m cleaning my kitchen at least […]
Dear Snarky – I’ve Got An Extra Kid for the Summer!
Dear Snarky, I would love your advice about what to when it seems like you’ve adopted an extra kid for the summer. I have a 10-year-old child (My across the street neighbor.) who shows up […]
5 Awards You Wish Your School Gave 2013 Edition
Are you still recovering from the 3rd grade awards program at your kid’s school? Did the certificate for child “most likely to burst into a glitter ball” (real award – not making this up) cause […]
Dear Snarky – I Hate My Family Reunion
Do you any advice on how to gracefully get out of attending Family Reunions? Last summer I was guilted into going to five! It was miserable and in my opinion a complete waste of time. I’d say most of the people at the reunions didn’t even know me or my family. So, really what’s the point?
Signed, Not My Idea of a Good Time
Dear Not My Idea of a Good Time,
Reunions are a combination of an I.R.S. audit and being a contestant in a beauty pageant. You get a financial shake down by virtual strangers and your appearance is judged by people who still wear baby blue eye shadow. Not usually the stuff of great times. Sure, some families have their reunions at Disneyworld or the beach? You get their Christmas cards or see their Facebook posts with everyone decked out in white linen shirts (with just the slightest hint of a wrinkle) that shows off their sun-kissed skin with the sapphire blue rolling waves behind them as an ocean breeze gently tosses their hair. Unfortunately, most of us go to reunions held in musty fellowship halls or swamp adjacent mosquito enriched picnic areas.
My advice is that you put your family on a reunion rotation schedule. Go to one reunion a summer and be firm with your mother, grandma, and great aunts that that’s all you’ll be attending. Anyone can handle one reunion a year – right? It might not be a blast, but seeing your extended family is full of life lessons. For example, my husband’s family reunion serves as a scared straight program for my kids. They can see what the future holds when you give in to the pull of the dark side of your gene pool, barely graduate high school and think a toothpick is a fashion accessory.
So grab your bug spray, make your best covered dish recipe, and smile. You’re only doing this one time a year.
If you have a question for Dear Snarky message me on Facebook at Snarky In the Suburbs or email me at email@example.com
Dear Snarky – Don’t Fear the Swimsuit
Dear Snarky, I am dreading, no make that fearing, getting into a swimsuit this summer. I’m not huge, but I’m not what you call skinny either. I’ve got four kids, all elementary school age, and […]
Dear Snarky – The Teacher Gift Grab
Dear Snarky, This week marks the dreaded, or at least by me, Teacher Appreciation week. You know the one where the class mom sends out fifty emails basically making you feel that if you don’t […]
5 Field Day Tips No One Else Will Tell You
I have been an elementary school Field Day volunteer for a decade. Those 10 long years have honed my skills to the point where I consider myself the Yoda of Field Day. So, if your […]
Dear Snarky – “Where’s My Mother’s Day?”
Dear Snarky, Why don’t I get a Mother’s Day? I’m the mom to three kids all under the age of 7 and yet every Mother’s Day it’s all about my mother-in-law. We go to church […]
Awards You Wish Your School Gave Nominations
It’s that time of year again when I’m in hot pursuit of Awards You Wish You School Gave nominations for the 2012-2013 school year. Share them here in the comment section, on Facebook or email […]
Today you are in for a treat. I have never had a guest on my Snarky blog before and I’m honored that Peyton Price is gracing me with her wit. For those of you that […]
Dear Snarky – Moving Tips
Dear Snarky, I’ve heard you mentioned before that you have moved around the country a lot. My family is about to move to the West Coast and I was wondering if you had any Snarky […]
Dear Snarky For Friday, April 12, 2013
Dear Snarky, For Christmas my children ages 2 and 3 got some backyard plastic play structures. One is a yellow cottage, the other is a one of those fort things with a slide and they […]
One Hour at a Dance Competition
My daughter is a competitive dancer. She loves it. I love that she loves it. I know there are crazies in every sport, but I can only write about the crazies I know. I’m in […]
Dear Snarky for Friday, April 5
Dear Snarky, What would do when a neighborhood Easter Egg hunt goes bad? Our Homeowners Association held our Annual Easter Egg Hunt on Saturday and it got ugly. There is usually one or two parents […]
Dear Snarky – WTH on School Fundraisers?
Dear Snarky, I am new to the whole elementary school thing. I have twin girls in the first grade and I’m stunned by all the fundraisers. Since August I have bought gift wrap, candy, magazine […]
Dear Snarky – How Do I Tell My Husband Date Night Sucks?
Dear Snarky, Is it wrong that I hate Date Night? I totally love my husband, but the whole Date Night thing is killing me. I have three kids ages 4, 5 and & 7. By […]
Dear Snarky – Help Braggy Moms Are Making Me Question My Parenting!
Dear Snarky, I’m the proud mother of a beautiful 4 month old son. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. My son is healthy and the love of my life. My problem […]
Dear Snarky – Parent Drop Out Is Pissing Me Off
Dear Snarky, I have two kids in elementary school. I drive them to school everyday and everyday there are the same three parents who consistently violate the school drop off rules. They park in the […]
The Art of Faking Sick
My daughter Grace hates mornings. She is so grouchy when she wakes up I treat her like I would a grizzly bear. I don’t make eye contact with her and if perchance she does look […]
I Am Not a Crack Whore
Play-dates, as we all know, are a way of life. The lucky mom is the one with their kid at someone else’s house. Ahh – it’s a few more hours of precious freedom. When you move […]
Paying It Forward
You will rarely find me inside a Starbucks. I don’t drink coffee and usually my reason for venturing inside one is to do people watching research for my next book. I will, on occasion use […]
Dear Snarky – Am I a Bad Mom for Not Doing My Kid’s School Project?
Dear Snarky, My son is in the 3rd grade and this is his first year to participate in the school Science Fair. I’ve helped him decided what he wants to do, bought the supplies and […]
Who wants to get their Snarky on in the kitchen? Me! I’ve been totally sold on doing a Snarky Cookbook. Heading my cookbook team is a culinary genius who teaches cooking classes, is an executive […]
Dear Snarky – The Case of the Fibbing Friend
Dear Snarky, On Saturday my daughter, who is in the 6th grade, had invited a new friend to come over and spend the night. She was very excited about this until she got a text […]
So God Made a Snarky Mom
And on the 8th day God looked down at a PTA meeting and said, “I need a woman with some serious swagger. So God made a Snarky Mom. God said I need somebody to get […]
You may not know this, but I get a lot of emails and messages on Facebook asking for advice – as in WWSD – What Would Snarky Do? Today I debuted a new weekly segment […]
If I Were the Supreme Ruler of Suburbia . . .
Girls who make that ridiculous “Duck Face” while taking “selfies” would experience a 48 hour facial paralysis where their lips would stay frozen in “Duck Face” mode. Teaching them that parents who pay upwards of […]
In the past several months I’ve been fortunate to have many awesome experiences all because of writing this blog. Foremost is having the film and television rights optioned by ABC. That was quite a ride. […]
Snarky Goes to Hollywood
Well, really to be truthful it was Burbank, but that’s Hollywood adjacent, so close enough. My journey began late one night when I remembered that I hadn’t checked my Snarky Gmail account in a couple […]
Top 10 Signs You’re Snarky
10) Conversation has been known to stop when you walk into a room. 9) “Go To” person for anyone having PTA, neighbor or coworker problems. 8) Believe revenge is a dish best served with a […]
3 Things I Learned at Target on New Year’s Eve
Like any good middle-aged, middle class female I’m at Target on New Year’s Eve on a quest to pick through the last of the holiday clearance. It’s in these hallowed four aisles of discount Christmas […]