Cheer Mama Drama

51b6aa786d507f5d7f172fd53578d800Dear Snarky,

I’m a mom to a 14-year-old daughter. High school cheerleading tryouts are in two weeks and it’s ruining my relationship with someone I thought was my best friend.

We both have daughters trying out for cheerleader and since the after school tryout camp began last week she’s not even talking to me. I’ve called and texted her and she won’t respond. It’s like our friendship has been put on hold until she finds out if her daughter made cheerleader.

Should I continue to reach out to her, confront her or just take her behavior as a sign that she never was a real friend? 

Signed, Cheerless

Dear Cheerless,

Too bad you can’t give this mom a herkie to the head. I’ll never understand grown women who get emotionally vested, to the point of what I think is a psychotic break, in their children’s extracurricular activities. That said, I’m from Texas so I know how seriously moms take cheerleading BUT freezing out a friend during the tryout process is immature which is why you probably feel like you want to flip her the bird or worse.

Resist that urge and take the high road. Yes, it stinks doing that and I know at times it may seem like you’re the only person on that road, but do it because here’s the perfect situation for you to role model to your daughter. By staying polite and friendly you are showing your child what a grown up acts like.

This doesn’t mean that you have to maintain your “bestie” friendship with this mom. It just means you have to act your age and that’s a cheer I think we can all get behind.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com

19 thoughts on “Cheer Mama Drama

  1. Cheer Mom says:

    Great advice! I am a cheer mom and the mothers are worse than the girls. They’re constantly tearing down other kids in an attempt to build their child up and the behind the scenes manipulation from the ass kissing of the coaches to spreading rumors is just evil. If my daughter didn’t love cheering so much I’d be so out there.

  2. Another Cheer Mom says:

    Sometimes the moms are real bitches to you because they want you to take your daughter and leave either due to jealousy or who knows what. Stay strong and even if it is about to kill you stay above the fray. That will also “cheeritate” (thanks Snarky for that one) the hell out of them.

  3. Becky says:

    In the middle of this same type of drama. Only it’s our team and the girls are 5, 6,7 and 8!!! I mean seriously I thought baseball
    Moms were bad! Cheer moms are the absolute worst! They won’t hesitate to same something mean to the child, the behind the scenes manipulation is astounding! We are just a pee see team which is suppose to be a build stone/ foundational type of team! Makes me so sad to see :(. Sadly this is what out society has become. All about me and our kids learn it it from their parents. I agree take the high road. The example you are setting for your daughter supersedes making a team or the pleasure you would take from letting this mom have it. You would only feel guilty and bad after I promise 🙂

  4. JenW says:

    This. I dread this. I have a young daughter who is only involved in peewee. However, I know that here in Texas, land of “those cheer moms”, to even make most high school squads you have to also be at a competitive level I will of course support her if she chooses cheer as one of her activities but oh how I dread the moms!

  5. Mikita Burton (@NeverHomeSAHM) says:

    As a cheer coach & Mom, I feel your pain! If Moms only knew that most coaches know who they want on the squad before the tryout camp week is in the 2nd day. Most of choosing has to do with the girls work ethic and being a team player. If they only do, that the annoying Moms could be enough to keep your daughter off the squad! Cheerleaders have a long season and dealing with a crazy Mom is not part of our plan!
    Keep to the high road, it will benefit you and your daugher in the end! Some people never get out of highschool!

  6. Soccer Mom says:

    Cheer moms don’t feel like you’re the only ones suffering. My two kids play competitive soccer and it’s just as bad. The dads are an even bigger pain in the butt thinking their kid is some kind of prodigy and has to play the ENTIRE game. It makes me sad and angry all at the same time.

  7. Basketball Mom says:

    Great advice. Basketball mom here and its just as bad. My daughter has played since second grade freshman now. It just has gotten slowly worse. If she didn’t love it I would say to hell with it. Parents kiss ass and tear kids down in games and after hours. Leave the kids to play and find a hobby. In our little town its girls basketball that rules and sad to say I see no change soon on the horizon. Stay strong Cheer Mom and tell your daughter that adults stay out of the “elementary antics” of other parents.

  8. Pearl ;) says:

    Hand to God, this is every day life, where I am. The “entitlement” and living through your child is beyond over the top. Take the high road and cut your losses. As Snarky said so well, use this as a lesson, for your daughter. You will both be better off, in the grand scheme of life.

  9. Susan says:

    Taking the high road will not only be the best way to role model for your daughter, it will also add strength to your relationship with her. My daughter is a sophomore in college, and she has thanked me for not being “one of those crazy moms.” It’s hard to see in the moment, but you can laugh about it later. I had to put my friendship on hold with one mom in particular who called and yelled at me because a local reporter decided to make my daughter the main focus of an article about her soccer team. We are friends today, and I discovered that her marriage was crumbling at that time and she didn’t tell anyone. You just never know what else is going on in a person’s life, so just extend grace.

  10. Roxie's Mom says:

    Horse Show Mom here. And it’s just as bad, we just have more bling and sparkle to deal with! Take the high road. Grown up women need to stop living out their insecurities through their kids.

  11. oceanswhisper says:

    I’ve been a gymnastics mom for eleven years now and like the other mothers whose daughters are in various activities it’s the same in this sport. My daughter is now fifteen and has always thanked me for not being “one of those crazy moms”. I take her to gym and drop her off. I do not stay there for five hours every day and use that time to socialize with the other parents. I am not the gymnasts and I have no desire to sit there and suck up to anybody. Continue to take the high road because I’m here to assure you, it pays off. The coaches thank me for being the sane one and believe it or not, even the crazy parents have respect for the fact that I’m a no nonsense mom and I’m not interested in the latest gossip. They’ve tried at various times to lure me in to say something negative about the latest made up “controversy” and I’ve only responded with kind or encouraging words for their latest target. Always remember it’s about your daughter, her happiness, and well being. In the long run you probably won’t even be friends with these people so live your life and stay out of the madness. Happy sane mom = Happy sane daughter.

  12. imnotatrophywife says:

    Tennis Parents just as bad! Hand signals from across the court. Supporting bad line calls instead of encouraging the rule: “when it doubt, the ball is not out.” laura

  13. sandie kay hamm says:

    Here we go… I am a mother of a cheerleader (not really the stereotypical cheer mom, not that there is anything wrong with a typical cheer mom…) and I am a cheer coach (I am also not really a cheer coach type…) My daughter cheers for one school and I am coach at a different school (AND one important note… I have absolutely no influence over my daughter earning a spot on her team).

    I am really shocked at how intense some “cheer moms” can be. Some have threatened and bullied the coaches, they get into huge email chain arguments, name call, SUE the district, and so much more! I am shocked that grown adults act like they do over junior high and high school cheer. Sadly, our girls learn how to act from these models and they are not always good.

    I take opportunities to tell my daughter that these are not acceptable ways to act when we see drama-filled angry mom responses to different challenges. Also, junior high and high school cheer are not the rest of life, they are simply a slice of life, intended to enrich the junior high and high school years. Instead, some parents act like they are still in junior high and are easily engaged in petty fusses and juvenile arguments. It actually comes down to respect. We must focus on how we can respect others, show respect ourselves in the way respond to others, and show our daughters how to respond respectfully in the face of a challenging situation.

    Anyway, this is a little tangent. But my point is that we continually have opportunities to show compassion and respect for others. If a cheer mom acts like a fool a little at some point, wait a sec and forgive her quickly, show respect for her even if she acts “ugly” as we say in the south. Forgive quickly! When you forgive, you lift your own hearts burdens and given a little space and time, mostly if you give people space and wait quietly, they realize they didn’t necessarily behave locially and they apologize and change for the benefit of all. Sometimes they don’t- they just behave badly and don’t ever realize they are hurting others. In that case, be strong, be patient, and be thankful if you are a big enough and insightful enough to know how to behave honorably.

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