Dear Snarky – Baby Shower Shake Down

Dear Snarky,dear_snarky_logo

I feel like a bad person because I’m beginning to hate babies. To be more precise I hate baby showers. I have a friend who is pregnant and so far I have been invited to six, that’s right six, baby showers for her. There was a shower announcing her pregnancy, a gender reveal shower, a “Baby Play Time” shower, a “Welcome Home Baby” shower where the gift registry was nursery furnishings (and she was registered at Pottery Barn Kids so everything was pretty expensive) a generic baby shower and there’s one coming up this week that is a “Baby Mama” shower where you are supposed to bring things to pamper the mom.

I quit going after shower number four because I didn’t have the money to buy any more gifts. Now, my friend is mad at me and says I’m “being unsupportive of her happy time.” When I told her the truth that I couldn’t afford to go to any more showers she called me a cheapskate. Who’s right? I’m I being cheap or is she placing presents above our friendship?

Signed, Going Broke

Dear Going Broke,

If it makes you feel any better I’m on your side. There are many ways to celebrate a new arrival without doing what I would call a greedy gift grab. Please, the nursery furniture shower. Cha ching. My view of baby showers is one and done unless you’re the future grandma. That’s not to say someone can’t have a million showers. There’s not a law against, you know, except the law of good taste. But if you are going to be “The Gifted” you need to be careful and not invite the same 12 people to every shower because that can place a party goer’s pocketbook in a pinch.

Also, if your friend was really concerned that you weren’t attending showers 5 and 6 AND after you confessed that fiscally you couldn’t afford to buy any more gifts she should have told you all that was required was your presence not a present.

I wouldn’t do anything as dire as writing off this friendship. Give it some time and blame some of her emotions on pregnancy hormones. For the perfect gift wait until the child is born and then offer to babysit. It will be a priceless present.

If you have questions for Dear Snarky write me at



18 thoughts on “Dear Snarky – Baby Shower Shake Down

    • Lucy D says:

      PREACH, BETH C! I can’t even wrap my mind around having 6 showers. That’s got nada to do with pregnancy hormones – that’s also being a self absorbed beyotch with a “I’m a PRINCESS!” complex. THEN to have the balls to say Going Broke was self absorbed?!! Wow…. I feel for the parents whose kids are one day going to school with this little angel, because you know this poor child is going to be raised to believe they’re uber-special and different and wonderful….

  1. Katie says:

    I would have quit going after shower #2 and would someone please explain a Gender Reveal shower to me. If you’re going to “reveal” the gender at the party does everyone just bring white or yellow clothes because you don’t know yet what the sex is? Or is it cash upfront in form of a gift card?

  2. Pearl ;) says:

    JMO….I personally don’t care for showers….baby or wedding. I had 1 for my wedding, hosted by Aunts. It was very nice but said I preferred a very low key afternoon. I don’t accept gifts very well. Had 3 kids, no showers, by design. 6 seems a bit much…like a total gift grab. Now, if a good friend is getting married or having a baby, I am all over gifting them with a variety of fun and practical presents. However, I don’t feel the need to attend the shower to do so.

    Go to the shower and offer to keep track of “who gave what”, for her thank you notes. No one will notice you didn’t bring gift #5 or 6.

  3. Emily says:

    I take issue with full on “showers” for a second or third children of the same gender as before. My friends feel this way too. When there is a second or third or more to come, we hold sprinkles that specifically state diapers, wipes, and onesies.
    Because, who will be willing to bring a meal or help out after the arrival.

  4. Beth says:

    Not sure which one tops my annoyance scale – the reveal party or coed shower. Throw in the ladies brunch and I’m averaging three showers per baby lately.

  5. normal mom says:

    The only time more than one shower is okay is if there are very disparate folks invited…e.g.: a work friends shower and a relatives shower. even so, two should be enough, and nobody should be invited to both!

  6. A says:

    I had the same thing happen with weddings: engagement party, bridal shower, co-ed wedding shower, bachelorette party in Vegas, rehearsal dinner, wedding, after party, after after party, post-wedding brunch, welcome home from honeymoon party (I wish I was exaggerating). I think I resent the time inconvenience as much as I resent the money. My solve for all of the pre/post wedding parties was to give over the top thoughtful/crafty gifts that were less than $10, and leave after an hour saying you were worried you wouldn’t be able to make it at all, but at least wanted to drop by to show your support, then site some other overwhelming time suck in your life (i.e.: baby, husband, med school, work etc). You come across looking like you made such a huge effort even trying to come at all, and absolutely no one can fault you for your super thoughtful gift (Pinterest has many templates for these- it’ll take you 10 minutes tops).

  7. Sapphire says:

    Well, you get just one unless your mother is such an over the top crazy possessive looney toon that she refuses to work with your husbands family, who would have to travel 2 hours to your shower because your mom can’t get it together enough to choose a more central location, thereby forcing your mother-in-law (who understandably doesn’t want anything to with your crazy ass bitch mother) to hold a separate shower.

    Sorry for the run on sentence.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s