Ache Free

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Last week, I got a bruising social media beat down and not by discussing politics or religion. Oh no, this was a subject infinitely more volatile: motherhood. All it took was two words, one syllable each, to cause a firestorm.

A friend from back in the day had linked to a post a woman had written about her kids getting older and how she ached, painfully — desperately ached — for the days when they were babies. So, as you can guess, many moms were writing ooey gooey prose in the comment bar on Facebook about how they also ached for those baby days. The smells, the smiles, the spit up.

I, on the other hand, wrote my two words. Ache free.

Well, well, well, say hello to a blistering rebuttal of mom hate. Those two words give birth to a firestorm of comments on how I must suck at being a mother because I don’t ache to climb into a maternal time machine and re-live sleep deprivation and sore nipples.

At first, I was all “Holy crap” at the outrage and then I thought to myself let’s do this! Let’s really mix it up! They want ache. I’ll give them an ache right in the old backside. My first course of action was do what I would call a social media airstrike. One ridiculously, outrageous comment to take down (tick off) many. So I posted this: “Maybe I’m not aching because I’m proud of my children and parenting skills and don’t feel the need to go back in time to correct my mistakes.” Talk about a direct hit! The fallout was nuclear winter in it’s intensity. The angry, the hostility, the rage!

Then I focused on the most pompous targets. The most delicious was tweaking the “friend” that posted the ache link. You would have thought she was still clutching her now teenage children to her breast in an XL, steel reinforced, Baby Bjorn. Oh, how she went on and on about the halcyon baby days with her “precious munchkins.”

I have no problem with that. Every mother should look back fondly at those times. What did irk me was that she led the charge in leveling mom hate towards me when all I did was post – ache free. This woman called me a “baby hater” and then went all stabby with the statement that by being ache free I was a bad mother AND she felt “sorry for my children.”

Really? She felt sorry for my children because I don’t want them back in diapers. And this was from a women who had a skill, no, make that a talent, for eagerly leaving her children with other mothers. She’s the one who would invite her child over to your house for a playdate and then forget to pick them up for the next 16 hours. That’s why I had zero problems with posting this:  “@dmj I get why you’re aching. It’s probably guilt festering from 2003 when you petitioned the church to change their mother’s day out rules to accept babies at younger than six weeks so you could have more ‘me’ time.”

That’s right. I wrote that. Yes, it’s horrible but factual and I was thinking of the greater good. Someone needed to call these women out on their mom on mom hate campaign even if it was me adding lighter fluid to whole hot mess. This is what I don’t get – we’re all on this journey together so why do mothers feel the need to keep a constant vigil scanning the horizon for any chance to bring another mother down? Are we that insecure? I sure hope not.

Oh, and do you want to know why I typed ache free? It’s because as the mother of two teenagers every so often, I, get the briefest of glimpses, of what my children might be like as adults and it’s thrilling. More exciting than when they started sleeping through the night or took those first wobbly steps. These nano second glances into their future makes me not only ache free but joyous for what they might someday offer the world.

cover_1.3-2 *Attention Snarky Friends, I have a brand new book out. It’s the second in the Snarky in the Suburbs series – Snarky in the Suburbs Trouble In Texas. You can buy it for your Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.  It’s also available for the Nook or you can get it for your Kobo reader. Click on a link and give it a test read.  I hope you like it! 🙂

102 thoughts on “Ache Free

  1. You Go Girl! says:

    Good for you for having the guts to just let it rip! There are times when I just want to shout from the rooftops, “Motherhood is not a competition people!”

  2. mandy78 says:

    I’m totally with you on the ache free. I love love love babies… when their someone else’s! I wouldn’t want to go back to those days either. I enjoyed each and every day while I had it … and I still enjoy each and every day with my older child.

  3. Victoria says:

    You should have just kept your mouth shut! What you did was hateful and wrong. If you didn’t long for the baby days then you shouldn’t have said anything. I also agree that it sounds like you don’t like babies and in my book that makes you someone I wouldn’t ever want to be around. Maybe you should stop making comments on people’s Facebook posts and stop wasting time writing a blog and focus on your children. IMHO.

    • Jennifer says:

      Ha Victoria! You are the best … except not. Snarky is snarky. It’s her thing. And obviously people that write blogs don’t focus on their children, ever.

      I love babies, just other people’s. I love my son with all of my heart and soul, and I miss him being tiny, but I don’t miss my baby with acid reflux that slept 2 hours at a time max for the first 26 months of his life. Yes, 26 months. He’s 5 now and the MOST wonderful thing in my life, but I don’t want him to ever be tiny again because he was in pain and I got no sleep.

      Don’t be a douche.

    • Tanya says:

      WOW! Ain’t you a peach?! If people don’t want comments on their FB posts…here’s a tip…DON’T POST ON FACEBOOK! You extrapolate a mom’s joy in who her children are becoming into “you must not like babies” while clutching your pearls??? Get a grip, woman…

    • Stephanie says:

      Wow Victoria you are one of those people that this post must have been about. Some people don’t have kids to have a babies… Some people have kids because they want to raise a wonderful successful adult and just because you don’t miss having a baby doesn’t mean you didn’t enjoy it at the time or have fond memories. She did her job and is proud of it and looks hopefully toward the future.

    • OregonMomof3 says:

      Babies are gross, all full of snot and puke, they don’t sleep and they sh*t their pants. Its not a fun time all the time. It just isn’t. I wouldn’t accept a million dollars to have another baby. But babies are also the opitome of unconditional love, they are adorable and they are the miracle of love and what out future is going to look like. That’s reality. I love my children, of course I loved them when they were babies, but they are way more fun now that they can wipe their own butts, sleep in their own beds and have an opinion of their own with reasoning and intelligence. My preference on the age and independence level of children does not define me as a mother, nor does it define you for having an different preference. Some people love the dependence of babies, others dont. Don’t hate.

    • Kimberly says:

      Wow! Because she doesn’t ache for the baby days, she doesn’t like babies? I have a 25 and a 20 year old. I loved and adored the baby days with them. But do I long or ache for those again? Nope, not at all. My daughter and her husband will be having their own babies soon and I will get to love and adore (and probably spoil) my future grandchildren. Why long and ache for the past when the future is bright and exciting?

      And IMHO, her initial comment of “ache free” was not malicious or even snarky. All she was saying is that she did not ache for the baby days. And SHE was attacked. How is that okay?

    • brichmond1971 says:

      I have to wonder why you feel the need to comment on something that you don’t agree with? If you long for baby days then you shouldn’t be saying anything here and yet here you are.

      • JR says:

        Because that’s the nature of public discourse. Different opinions lead to broad discussion.
        How boring to live in a world where everyone agrees with each other!
        I can’t stand kids and people who disagree with me are usually the first ones to comment their different opinion.

    • fondahonda says:

      Hey–I’m a middle school teacher and I don’t like babies! Yes, I would love to have babies, maybe 2 or 3. . . . . . .hrs. a week! Get over it!!! I know a lot of elementary teachers w/don’t like teenagers too, and we can’t imagine ourselves switching places. I would hate to think I’d have no friends simply because they would judge me for this. That’s like me saying, “I can’t be around you because you don’t like cats!” I have a strong feeling that you don’t have any friends because you’re too judgmental.

  4. Dede says:

    I am with you Ache Free.. I am looking forward to seeing what my last little chick at home (he is 15) is going to do as an adult.

  5. Katy says:

    I love my children dearly and would die for them. However, when that first birthday rolled around I was so happy that they could transition to sippy cups and real milk and not formula. I was not able to breastfeed at all – believe me I did try with my first. I’m only sharing this because I don’t want someone who would be convinced that I was lazy and gave up. One day when he was about two weeks old, I fed him a bottle at feeding time instead of trying to nurse and then put the breast pump on both breasts on high. Guess what came out? Less than an ounce combined. My son was 10 pound 5 oz at birth, and he needed more to eat than a measly ounce of breast milk. I happily switched then to formula full-time without another iota of guilt like I’d been having. I’m sorry to ramble, but my point is that I don’t miss diapers or bottles. I do miss the sweet snuggly babies, but I’m happy where my life is now with a 7-year-old and 12-year-old.

    • snarkyinthesuburbs says:

      And isn’t is sad that you had to write a comment and then as a pre-emptive strike explain why you didn’t breastfeed so you wouldn’t get a crap ton of comments on how formula = bad mommy. I am so tired of the fluid wars.

      • Amber M. says:

        OH yes!! I too had difficulty breast feeding. I tried with every single one of my kids and ended up switching to formula around Week 4. They were so much happier and so was I. Breastfeeding is not for everyone.

      • Carol says:

        OMG don’ tell me that some women are still like, “I nursed my baby so I”M a better mother than YOU are.”

    • Pamela says:

      I would not really care it you were “lazy” or just not wanting to bf for whatever reason. As long as you fed your baby a healthy choice, awesome. Stop feeling like you need to justify yourself to others.

    • Amy says:

      I am with you on the nursing. When I got home from the hospital with my oldest, she refused to nurse. After an hour or more of her crying from hunger, me crying from frustration, and my husband distraught because he couldn’t fix it, I called to post partum department at the hospital I had just left earlier that day. They asked me if I had a bottle and some formula, when I said yes they told me to make a bottle and give it to her. She is now 9 and a beautiful, healthy, and brilliant little girl. She was 9-lbs at birth. My next two I did a combo and eventually switched to formula after 3-mos. same results. I had 3 kids 3 and under. They were all still babies and quite frankly I did not have time to nurse and chase two toddlers around.
      I was ache free and getting my body, mind, and soul back when we had a little surprise. He is a wonderful and very happy one-year-old and I love him more than life. However while remembering the first words and steps; there is the whining, earring ripping, grabbing the cats tails, food throwing, sour milk, hands in the toilets, pots and pans all over the kitchen floor, tripping over blankets, twisting ankles stepping on pull beads.
      I love my kids and I am a wonderful mother, which we all need to hear every once in a while, but to to go to the bathroom by myself without interruption or screams of abandonment, now that would be absolute heaven!
      Some people need to stop taking themselves so seriously; so bravo, Snarky. I always enjoy your comments, because there is always a grain of truth in them, which is why they are so enjoyable :-).

    • Marisa says:

      Love it…i called it a snack pak! So i quit cold turkey dried up in one day and let people help out!! 😉 all my boys are 12, 8, and 5…yay!!

  6. JessMarie says:

    Go go gadget Snark Sister! You tell them! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go convince a kidlet that socks are not supposed to be worn for a year straight.

  7. dance4hisjoy says:

    My thought was the same as yours – she’s experiencing guilt for missing out on things the first time. That thought crossed my mind before I got to the part about the church mom’s day out. I am a mom of three new adults – age 18, 20, & 21. The last three years have been an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes feeling sad and “where has the time gone” and “who are you and what did you do with my babies?” LOL But mostly I am thrilled to be past earaches and monsters under the bed and first days of school and being vomited on. I like that I can go places alone. I like that everyone can take care of themselves. Of course, I love the memories. I wish I could’ve made the time last longer. I’ve been there for everything and sometimes I still feel robbed! But I wouldn’t go back in time for anything! I like the people my children have grown up to be. I’m proud of them! I’m proud of me, too! And I don’t want to miss out on this time of their lives by pining for what’s passed.

  8. Jennah Marie says:

    Girl, I am with you. Not that there aren’t things I wish I could (or would) have done better, there are. But I will take watching my kids grow up and become independent, successful young adults over the screaming baby days anytime. I’m happily ache free with you.

  9. suburbanprincessteacher says:

    I totally agree with you and I laughed when you talked about pouring lighter fluid on the fire. I loved my babies but I was so darn tired when they were little and I constantly worried that I wasn’t doing right by them. Flash-forward 18 and 15 years and I am the proud mom of two amazing teenagers. I think it would be insulting to them to go on and on about how I wished they were little again. They are wonderful right now, as they are. I think that makes me (and by connection YOU) a good mother.

  10. sarah says:

    Good for you. Saying what some will just keep to themselves. My oldest has just recently left the nest. And of course my emotions were everywhere. It was just the adjustment of not having her around.I am e about her journey and know I did everything I could to prepare her foadulthood.
    I know someone who has just really in my eyes pushed her child to Americorp. (Her older 2 are out of her home and she loves to be without her kids. Know from personal experience with her) child who I know personally who has never had stability in his life. I worry and pray he stays on a good path.

  11. Liz says:

    I totally agree with you. My daughter is 28, I had her very young and was ache free when she moved out on her own at 24 and left me free to have a life of my own now. Look back, but don’t stare.

  12. Ruth says:

    Just be present for each stage of your child’s life…some are great and some, well, not so much., but all are part of the paegent that makes them who they are!

  13. Tanya says:

    I have loved every stage and moment of my son’s life! I tend to live in the moment that way… He is now 14 and I love everything about him. He’s smart, handsome, athletic, a talented artist, funny, and has a good warm heart. I love our talks on the way home from school, I love to hear all about his interests and his life’s goals…I love cheering from the sidelines of a soccer pitch, discussing colleges he might like to attend. I even like his friends!
    I wonder if the women that bashed you even like their kids now? Or are happy with how their own lives have turned out? How sad that they feel that their “glory days” are over…

  14. Cindy Ruschke says:

    I’m with you all the way!! Loved the babies and growing up years. Never had so much fun and laughed so much. Do I miss them being little and wish for those years back? No 🙂 I raised two sons who grew up to be great men, great dads and great friends. I had the first at nineteen and the second at 29. The first couple of months after the baby moved out was tough no doubt. Felt like I lost a limb. I cried like a baby. Now? I’m having a blast being on my own for the first time as a adult. Wouldn’t want it any other way 🙂

  15. Ali K says:

    Oh yes a million times yes. And this coming from a crazy lady about to give birth lol. Oldest is a teen and youngest about to be born, I have ALWAYS loved looking forward to what my kids do next. Never have I looked back and thought geez I wish they still did that. Haha
    Ache Free in Wisconsin standing with you.

  16. Jas says:

    I’d love to see a study done to determine how much of baby aching is driven by guilt or insecurity or controlling personalities. I thrive on watching my daughter be independent as she ages because she will be a strong young woman able to be on her own without me, and in turn, I’m invested in her growth and well-being, but I know it’s important to maintain my own identity apart from “mom.” Hell no, I don’t want her to be a baby yet. Ache Free!

  17. Jolie says:

    I think the Mom on Mom hate is ridonkulous. You don’t miss baby days- me neither. I loved them then, I love them more each day. I am thankful that they are growing normally, and blessed that I don’t have to change diapers at these older ages, as some that ARE due to things out of their control. I agree, look back fondly, but don’t trip on where you’re going.

  18. Kelley says:

    I too, am ache free and proud! My son is almost 14, and it’s so exciting to see him grow in to a wonderful young man. Not missing your children as babies doesn’t make you a bad mom at all. I really don’t get the mom wars- stay at home vs. working, breast vs. bottle, etc. We’re all moms and we’re all doing the best we can. Isn’t that enough? So what if someone doesn’t want to go back and re-live their child’s babyhood? How exactly does that make someone a bad parent? So what if someone doesn’t think about their children the exact same way that you think about yours? This affects your life how?

  19. Mary Robinson says:

    I understand completly your “ache free” comment.
    However, at times I do miss my boys being small, but the best part… they eventually produce children of their own and let me tell ya…. Grandchildren are SO FUN with little responsibility on your part as to how they ‘turn out’!!!
    I enjoy your posts.. thanks!

  20. Christy says:

    All I want to say is I love you! Not in any way other than the fact that you took this on and followed through with it! All this hate truly does get old and people need to grow up and respect others for their choices! I agree with what you wrote 100%!

  21. Cat says:

    I prefer dogs to babies. And I love having a teenager who can drive himself places now. I’m not a bad mother either – just honest. My son laughs with me when I say these things.

  22. Cindy says:

    I am not a baby person. I don’t miss the sleepless nights, the spit up! I love my children and won’t give them up for the world, but don’t miss the baby stage.

  23. Jodi Blackwood says:

    May I just say thank you? In reading your words, and all the great comments, something I’ve been struggling with for months just fell into place. I will be 50 on Sunday and my kids are 13, 16 and 19. My oldest is in college and will actually be moving out of the house next fall to live in his own apartment while going to school, instead of living in a dorm. I am incredibly proud of the people my kids have become but again, I’ve been struggling with it all. Where did the time go? Ive thought about when they were little — I love babies — but I’ve just realized that the only reason I would even think about going back would be to fix me and my mistakes, not to “enjoy” my kids again. I think about all the wisdom I’ve gained over the years as a result of my kids’ growth, and I’m grateful to them for that. It’s all about moving forward, and something I saw on facebook yesterday said it perfectly: “Parenting: The days are long but the years are short. Enjoy every moment.” So again, thank you. I am going to continue with the motto I have had for years … like fine wine, I get better with age. Happy Birthday to me!

  24. Pearl ;) says:

    Save me a seat in the “mean mom” section, as I too, am ACHE FREE. I have 3 kiddos that march to 3 different drummers. I celebrate their uniqueness and am glad they are all fiercely independent, have goals and don’t plan on living with me the rest of their lives. In my world, raising kids who are kind, loving, productive members of society, is a win for me. Thank you, Snarky, for speaking up for a us parents who believe in being ACHE FREE, and drink to it.

  25. Jenny S-A says:

    I attempted to comment earlier, but had some issues w/ WordPress. Anyway – I am totally ache free. I have no desire whatsoever to go back to baby days. The first 2 years of my son’s life were full of him crying & me not knowing what to do to help him. He had colic for nearly 4 months. Even now, other people’s babies cry & I start to feel anxious. Nope, no more baby for me. I’ll take the back-talk of my (autistic) 4-year-old, giving him sippy cups of milk that I know he’ll drink with no issue & changing his size 5 diapers over the stress of not knowing how to help him, hoping that he’ll drink a little more formula & not spit up, & trying to carefully change a newborn who twisted all over.

  26. suzhasbighair says:

    Dear Snarky- I appreciate your view point, but as the author of the piece you are writing about (at least I think it was mine- titled ‘midlife crisis’), if that was your take away, you completely missed my point. (If it was not piece- look away and let’s pretend this reply never happend!)

    I am not aching for a do-over, or for them to be young again (Trust me! The thought of that is exhausting in itself!)… the point to my story was that my mid-life crisis is looming, as well as an empty nest syndrome. I have raised two amazing sons- they make me want to be a better person… I have cherished each chapter of being a mom and raising them… the challenge for me, is that I need to define ‘who’ I am once they leave home. Since graduating college, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom… and while it was what we wanted for our family, it didn’t come without sacrifice- including me not having an identity outside of our home. (Hindsight I should have thought about that!) I am now staring down the barrel of answering the question ‘WHO am I if i remove the label of mother’? What is my passion and purpose in life as this next chapter begins. THAT was my point. So, I guess you can say I’m ‘ache free’ too, in the sense I don’t want a do-over. Not even a little bit. I don’t need it. I’m sorry my silly rant, followed by your reply caused so much grief in your world… peace. ~Suz

    • snarkyinthesuburbs says:

      Suz it was NOT your piece I was writing about or commenting on (but let me just say your post sounds amazing). This woman still had very young kids. My rant isn’t about anyone’s blog post IT IS about the moms who went all full frontal crazy in the comment section of my (former) friend’s Facebook page because I dared to write “ache free”.

    • Jenn says:

      Even if you do nothing more in your lifetime other than being a mother, you should wear the MOTHER badge proudly! If all the sheeple (aka lemmings) of the world don’t like it, who cares?!! There is no job more difficult, nor more rewarding than being a mother, IMHO! And you will ALWAYS be their mother; it’s okay if that word is what defines “who you are!” I have 6 children, ages 26, 22, 18, 13, 11 & 10. I’m proud that my first and most important job/career/title, etc. is that of MOM! When people ask me “what I do” (and I know they are usually always referring to my job), I tell them I’m working at raising 6 children to be respectful, intelligent, compassionate, caring members of society. If they don’t like it, they can “bite me!” 😉

  27. Momwithaplan says:

    I totally agree with you Snarky! I have 2 high schoolers, and my oldest, a daughter, is a senior. My “friends” are constantly asking me how I’m ever going to survive her going off to college and if I’m just a sad, sobbing wreck? And my answer is NO, I’m not sad. And I will survive. I may get a teeny bit sad thinking about her being gone and not home with us during the school year…but mostly I’m SUPER EXCITED for her! I’m jealous she gets to go to college and have a wonderful time!! Each stage is precious…you can either look back with sadness and longin for what has passed, or you can enjoy each stage for what it is! I choose to enjoy them! And as for babies, I will be thrilled to one day be a doting granny…and then get to send them home to their parents:)

  28. Pammac says:

    So, I’m curious how many defriended you? Not everyone is a “baby person” and that doesn’t make you a bad mom. I have a great time with my 11 and 13 year old kids now, and I loved them when they were babies, but damn, they were a lot of work. I like sleep too. Snark on!!

  29. Mom Meets Blog says:

    Yay! This is exactly how I feel about my teenager – these are exciting ( if sometimes trying!) times and I look forward to every new second; I’ m not going to waste this time by looking back and wishing for those baby years . If you ask me, it’s because these older years are tougher and require more time, patience, and effort from parents – that’s why some harken back to the baby days. You can’t put them in the baby swing or turn on a Blues Clues video when they start asking you questions about sex!

  30. Bea says:

    You are hilarious, and this was a clear case of glass houses & stones.
    It calls to mind Chopin’s assessment of “mother-women” in The Awakening:

    “In short, Mrs. Pontellier was not a mother-woman. The mother-women seemed to prevail that summer at Grand Isle. It was easy to know them, fluttering about with extended, protecting wings when any harm, real or imaginary, threatened their precious brood. They were women who idolized their children, worshiped their husbands, and esteemed it a holy privilege to efface themselves as individuals and grow wings as ministering angels.”

    The nostalgia for infant days is similar to the motive for “toy” dog breeds: something teeny that never outgrows anything– not us, not adorable outfits, not bathing in the sink, not pooping in the house…er, wait. Not everyone is a dog person; not every woman is a mother-woman. But I’m still waiting for the day we can opt for different styles of motherhood without drowning. So remember: when you give a bitch a sorely-needed dunk, let her up for air before she stops flailing! We’re all together in flailing.

  31. rhonda fogle says:

    eh…Most women are “ache free”, they just refuse to admit it and they lash out in guilt of their own feelings to those of us that do admit openly. Ache free here!

  32. Paula Temme says:

    Amen to you, Snarky! My children are grown and have become interesting, successful adults. we have become grandparents for the first time and I am thrilled to have a baby in the family that I can give back and go home.
    For thirty years I have watched the “Mommy Olympics”. You know what? Nobody gets a medal. Your reward is seeing, God willing, those babies grow into loving, generous, hardworking adults. Love and kindness to all, Gammy T.

  33. laurelisaak says:

    Ok, I’m going to make a confession… I have a thirteen, ten, and two year old. At 40 I had gone back to work and procured a job in a school district that is hard to get a job in! At 41, I found out that despite what doctors said and being over 40 (there is less than a 5% chance of getting pregnant over 40), I was pregnant. Yep, no need to ache. I was going backwards. I would like to tell all of you that I was immediately overjoyed by the news, but I wasn’t. It took months for me to warm up to the idea. Don’t get me wrong, now that she is here, I wouldn’t go back. My life has been completed in a way I didn’t know needed completing, but it was still hard to hear that time would be getting turned back. People made horrible comments to me while I was pregnant and already in turmoil. They said things like…”Don’t you know how that happens by now?’, and “Well, congratulations, I guess?” I felt like a 16 year old who’d been knocked up and not the 41 year old who was well established, married to the same man of 19 years, and financially stable. I agree, let’s quit judging how we each handle the journey of motherhood. It is deeply persona and intimate and there is no way to get into each others minds to know that private journey.

  34. Jane Paul Jones says:

    Not “aching” for times past in a child’s life doesn’t make anybody a bad mother, nor a baby hater. My own personal nostalgia is divided. I love that my youngest is fun now in different ways, like less supervision, and more meaningful conversations. I also miss the sweet lovey she was before she started school. I miss her hopping off the schoolbus each afternoon after kindergarten, running down the sidewalk toward me shreiking “Mommy”! She was less sassy when she couldnt talk, though, LOL!!!
    This piece is a prime example of moms who are unhappy with themselves, looking for something to capitalize upon by attacking another mother who might not miss that phase in her kids’ lives. So, really, who’s worse? The mom who pawns her kids off on everybody for as long as possible, or the one who doesn’t miss when her kids were small enough for laps and board books?
    And seriously, why are we friends with somebody on fb if we’re not going to comment on what they post unless we’re trolls? Snarky did nothing wrong by posting her thoughts on a post. She has every right to offer her own, dissenting opinion on a post from somebody on her friends list. The fact that this other woman jumped on it and led a crusade to crush our fearless Snarky is clearly indicative of issues in her own life. It’s much easier to poke at someone else’s perceived shortcomings as a way to make her own seem smaller.

    Victoria, have you read the rest of the posts on this blog? Snarky has intelligent, normal kids. And stirring the pot is kind of her specialty…….and the people on the receiving end have it coming. Maybe you should find a different blog.

  35. Robert Rogers says:

    Ache free father of two great young adults. Man and woman are doing just fine. They’re children are doing just fine. No insecurities here. Sorry.

  36. Julie says:

    Does anyone else feel like they NEVER get finished being a first-time mom? Honestly, my firstborn came along 18 years ago, I swear he learned to walk and talk just last week, and today, he informs me that he’s asking a girl to his first prom. Ever. Ever, ever. And, I’m freaking out. Slightly less than I did when he took a head dive off the front porch steps, but still. Twitching just a little. And this keeps happening.

    First they take solid foods, then they want the car.
    They spend their first night away from home, then they’re picking out colleges.

    I swear it seems it happens just like THAT.

    Sorry, Rant. Done now.

    And if NO one feels this way, then I don’t either. Look away. Snark on. Love to all.

  37. Tammie says:

    a different perspective. I love your posts! I am a mom of a child with multiple special needs. I still change diapers, I still feed baby food, and he is completely dependent upon me. I LONG FOR independence. Growing up and having Grandchildren to spoil…but it’s not in the cards. I hope that my son grows up to be the best he can be and that’s all I ask. Keep doing what you’re doing! Love to follow you 😉

  38. campchristy says:

    Sure, babies are cute. I, however, prefer the ages where I have been able to have conversations with my boys, to experience their personalities, to hear their opinions, to learn of their view on the world. To me that’s tons more interesting than trying to figure out what’s wrong with a crying baby. Was cuddling with my beautiful babies amazing? Absolutely. But getting a willing hug and kiss from tweens is awesome, because they have a choice and they’re choosing to love on me. Ache free too sister!

  39. Regina, CrazyNutsMom says:

    I get it. Why look back, when you have so much to look forward to and are on the cusp of it. Not everyone can be a baby factory and pump out kids. Eventually you have to find yourself and your life outside of motherhood.

  40. Lisa Skemp Thornton says:

    Don’t let the trolls get to you – there are a lot of us that feel the same way you do – so thanks for standing up for us! Life is meant to be a process – moving from one stage to another – moving on. Each of us has our own way of going through the process – and there is no wrong way if it’s working for you. Keep up the good work! 🙂

  41. Indra Salazar says:

    My son is now 23. When he went away to college everyone told me I would “empty nest”. I didn’t….not for one minute. In fact, when he came home for the summer I thought “wow already?” Don’t get me wrong, I adore my son and we are incredibly close, but I was a young mother and I raised him as a single parent and damn it, I deserve some time to rediscover myself. Also, I’m not worried about him. I did a pretty good job. Let me add that I am also not ready for grandchildren. I love babies. I work with them everyday. I just want a few years to breath before taking on that role. As women, we should all be lifting each other up and not tearing each other down!

  42. Cindy says:

    I love, love, love that my kids are grown. I love that I can play with my grandchildren and then take them home. That sweet time of babyhood is past and I don’t miss it too much! I have a disabled child that will be with me forever and that is okay too. But to go back when I had 4 kids under the age of 6 and 3 in diapers and no time for my husband and no sleep and…no thank you…I love my life now!

  43. Carol says:

    My daughter is 30 now and as much as I love her and loved her babyhood I wouldn’t wish her back to those baby days for anything! It’s so much fun to be a friend to your adult child than it is to be ‘mom.’ Those of you with small children will someday (hopefully) find out what I mean.

  44. Michele says:

    It is called a season of life. We all go through them, and we can look back on them with many emotions– fondness and a sense of never wanting to go backwards. Some days I wish I could re-live hs moments, but then I remember how much hs sucked at times. Some days I long for another baby…and I am NOT FOND of baby days…it’s hella hard, but I loved both of my kids with the fiercest kind of love. Now that they a 3 and 5 I love this age. I agree I want to keep moving forward and advance into new seasons of life with my kids. That doesn’t make me a baby hater, or a bad mother. I simply enjoy the season I am in with all of it’s ups and downs.

  45. Kristine N. says:

    I think it’s fine no matter how you look at your kids’ early childhood. I think it’s natural to “ache” for a time when your child’s needs were simpler, or when they were tiny and chubby and adorable. But I also think it’s natural to be “ache free” about it, and be glad that the diaper-changing and screaming and sleeplessness is over. It’s great to watch your kids gain independence and become their own people!

    I think it’s important to remember that we shouldn’t judge other parents for how they feel about their experiences of parenthood. Sometimes that means not stooping to another person’s level when they attack us for our feelings and choices. They definitely need to be taken down a peg and called out on their childish behavior, but it’s good to keep the moral high ground. All Moms should support each other, and stop trying to make each other feel bad just to make themselves feel better.

  46. Mary Clevenger ( Grannyworm) says:

    You hit the nail on the head. I love and raised six kids. They are now aged 38 to 49. I enjoyed every moment that I could with them since I had the luxury of being a stay at home Mom until the last one was a freshman in HS. There were spectacular times and there were some not so good times. Not a one is unhappy or cannot stand on their own two feet. They have given me 13 wonderful grandchildren, which I wouldn’t have the privilege of knowing if they hadn’t grown up. Yes ! I too am ache free.

  47. Karen says:

    I am mom to two boys, ages 7 and 8 1/2. From the moment we, as mothers, find out that we are pregnant, we love everything about our child. We love them as newborns, as toddlers, teens, and adults. That is a fact. We never stop loving our children. That is not to say we do not have a favorite part, or time frame, and there is nothing wrong with that. Personally, as my children grow, I find it more enjoyable. They are becoming their own people. Their personalities and characters are forming, and I am privileged with the opportunity to get to know them. They are beginning the transformation to young people I enjoy spending time with and talking to. My own mother says it well, when she refers to myself and my 2 siblings as, her “children, yes. But mostly my friends.” to enjoy being a mother, is to enjoy it all. Miss the things you will never see again, but look forward to what is to come. Pick a favorite, if you like, but don’t see your children with tunnel vision. Don’t condemn another mother because her “favorite part” is not the same as yours, because it does not mean the LOVE she has for her child is different. Follow the same teachings we all try to instill in our children- treat others as you would like to be treated, and, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Stop hating. You could be spending the time with your kids. Before you miss your favorite part.

  48. Creativemom02 says:

    I remember breast feeding my daughter in the middle of the night, extremely sleep deprived, and a mess. Those first months were sooo hard. My mother had always said how beautiful and bonding breast feeding was but all I could think was this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My precious boobs that I loved were deformed and being used mercilessly to feed my demanding child. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I did what I did, I love my children, but no one prepared me for the shock of how hard it could be. I got over it like all moms do and got used to my new normal. My boobs stopped hurting and I eventually loved having that bonding time with each of my children. Let’s all give each other the space to tell our own stories so that we can share our unique experiences and actually help each other feel like we are not so alone in this big adventure of motherhood.

  49. AlanaM says:

    “Oh, and do you want to know why I typed ache free? It’s because as the mother of two teenagers every so often, I, get the briefest of glimpses, of what my children might be like as adults and it’s thrilling. ”

    I get this too – quite often. I have the gift of seeing one adult child, whom we worked very hard to raise properly, doing a good job out there on her own. I also have the gift of seeing two sons, ages 14 and 11, grow and change and develop and I love seeing it every every day.

    Why would I want to go back?

  50. gorillabuns says:

    You do know you aren’t supposed to have an opinion, right? Especially if it is anything opposing. How ghastly to say what you think. You must nod and agree WITH EVERYTHING EVERYONE EVERY SAYS!

  51. MB says:

    I know this post is old, but a Google search brought me to your blog. Thank you so much for posting this. I was just called a “baby hating bitch” for expressing that the lady posting a picture of her baby daughter unsolicited every other minute on a non-baby photo forum was being excessive. It hurt, and a ton of women ganged up on me. Nice to know that not being an uber sentimental Achy McAche is okay too and I’m not alone.

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