Dear Snarky – Help, I’ve Lied To My Mom Friends!

609d7b389ff7a7660fe3e11a39842d59Dear Snarky,

I’m the mother of a soon to be kindergartener. All my pre-school mom friends are going to be sending their kids off to a private kindergarten in the fall. I kind of, because I didn’t want to be the odd man out, lied that my son would also being going to this private kindergarten. The truth is we can’t afford it and our public schools are great.

Well, now all the moms are talking about the Spring Welcome to Kindergarten meeting and I have to fess up that my child will never be going to that school.

What’s the best way to do this and not look like a big liar?

Signed,

Worried Mom

dear_snarky_logo-1 Dear Worried,

 I could tell you to cleanse your conscience and be 100% truthful yet I’m sure that’s not the kind of advice you’re seeking. I’m guessing you want me to give you a way to save face. So, because this is Dear Snarky not Dear Abby here’s what I recommend.

 Share with your posse of pre school moms that after much soul-searching and thoughtful deliberation you and your husband have decided to support your local public schools. You feel as a family that by investing in public education you are doing your part to build a better community for everyone.

 I call this a two-fer. It gets you out of a sticky spot and you’re making yourself sound like a burgeoning community activist.

 Now for some advice you didn’t ask for. In the future stop trying so hard to fit in with the herd and quit fibbing. There are only so many times I’m going to be able to come to your rescue. 

If you have a question for Dear Snarky, “21st Century advice with an attitude” please email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or private message me on my Snarky Facebook page.

 

Dear Snarky – Mom Friendship 101

Screen Shot 2014-03-25 at 1.24.28 PMI get a lot of letters from mothers about their feelings being hurt for a variety of reasons from not being invited to join the neighborhood supper club to feeling like their being shunned by the cool moms at a PTA meeting. So, I decided to address these issues with one big lesson – Call it Mom Friendship 101.

The first and most important thing every woman needs to learn about mom friendships is Hurt Feelings Are a Time Suck. So, you didn’t get asked to join some other moms from your kids schools for a lunch party or your invite for the neighborhood pot luck got lost in the mail. Your first thought shouldn’t be “Oh wow, I feel left out and sad.” Instead go with “Yippee it’s one less thing on my to do list” and get on with your day.

Do not over think it, analyze it or try to imagine what you could have done differently to secure an invite. This is also a huge time suck and will get you nowhere but closer to drinking the boxed wine in your refrigerator before noon. Because and this is very important information, so please feel free to take notes, the reason you’re not being included probably has very little to do with you. It could be the moms going out for lunch have friendships that started back in college or, and this happens a lot, their kids are all in the same extracurricular activities, let’s say little league, and the moms want to meet up to complain about and plot against the coach.

Do not make the mistake of expecting that just because you’re in the same supper club, bible study group or serving together on the PTA that you should be included in any and all social endeavors that members of these groups partake in. You are an adult and the kindergarten rule of every child in the class gets invited to the birthday party no longer applies. So get those yoga pants out of twist and buck up.

If your happiness hinges on your social calendar – plan your own parties (there’s no better way to hone your own exclusionary tactics), volunteer for fundraising galas or look for a job as an event planner. Otherwise be content with the bounty that is already in front of you.

Lastly, and this has worked for years for me – if you don’t get invited to something or are feeling left out just tell yourself the reason you weren’t included is that the group is probably a bunch of swingers, you know what I’m talking about, and you being a morally upright individual just wouldn’t fit in.

If you have questions for Dear Snarky please email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com