In the anonymous world of blogging it’s expected that you’re going to get a lot of anonymous comments or e-mails about what you write. What’s also expected is that some people are going to hate […]
Mean Girls – A Lifestyle
Is it just me or does it seem to you that mean girls are increasing exponentially? Sure, there have always been mean girls. No doubt, even during the stone age there was one cave girl […]
Dear Mr. New Principal – 5 Suggestions For You
Dear Mr. New Principal, I know it’s hard starting a new job and that like any new boss you’re going to want to change things up a bit. But, only one month into the school […]
The Sports Parents Hall of Shame (The Elementary School Years)
To celebrate this season of recreation here is the definite list of irritating sports parents. I, after much research, that has resulted in bleacher butt, have categorized the parents into eleven different groups of “species […]
Does This Store Make My Butt Look Big?
You would think after suffering through four months of wearing a swimsuit I would be looking forward to shopping for clothing that covered up my body from abs to ankle. Sorry make that flab to […]
The Mom Bomb
There are friends and then there are Friends. I can count my Friends on one hand. These are the people who just don’t have your back. They have your back and are covering it with […]
I’ve found something that is harder and more uncomfortable than having the “human reproductive system” talk with your daughter. It’s explaining and justifying your decades of beauty crimes. On my daughter’s last trip to grandma’s […]
I have cankles and I’m not ashamed. I’m a woman who has proudly embraced her lower leg issues. I have even started a support group, a sorority of sorts, a Sisterhood of Cankles. Our […]
Excuse Me, But There’s a Turd In the Wave pool
I am officially waterlogged. I have spent ten days experiencing a moisture carnival. I have been swimming, floating, tubing, sliding, paddling and marinating in my own bodily juices until my skin has begun to take […]
What is it with summer that brings out all the culinary kill joys? The elitism associated with summer food is ridiculous. I love a good Farmers Market and heirloom tomato right along with everyone else. […]
Disney World Tips No One Else Will Tell You
Let’s set some ground rules before I begin. First, for all you Disney worshippers out there please do not send me e-mails telling me I’m depraved, not worthy of breathing and mentally unsound and soul […]
Facebook – Marriage Buster
Facebook breaking up marriages? C’mon, what an embarrassing reason to give for your marriage disintegrating. If my marriage was going south I would try to think up something a little better than Facebook to blame […]
Overheard at the Pool – Part 2
It’s summertime and the living is easy Fish are jumping and the cotton is high Your daddy’s rich and your mama’s good-looking On rare occasions I have the opportunity to dip my non-pedicured toe into […]
BP, D.C. The Oil Spill and Why The Mess Needs a Mother
I’ve decided our elected officials in D.C. need a mother. Someone to kick their butts, give them tough love, and tell them that the world does not revolve around them in way only a mother […]
Vajazzle – Seriously?
I’m stunned. Actually speechless. Which, almost never happens to me. Who is the idiot, the misogynist, the really, really, terribly bored person who thought up the idea of decorating the “lady area” with bling? I’m […]
Princesses – Totally Overrated
Who would really want to be a princess? Think about it, historically and in Disney lore their lives have, shall we say, sucked tiara. Major princess of our lifetime, Princess Diana, her life in one […]
I Was A Cougar (for five hours)
Let me state that I, in no way, I’m a cougar. First, on the cougar scale of “hotness” I would be a three-legged cat with mange and a urinary tract infection. Secondly, I’m married which, […]
Bridezilla – May I Slap You Now or Would You Care to Wait Until After the Reception?
It has been a very long time since I’ve been behind-the-scenes at a wedding. It’s even been a couple of years since I’ve attended a wedding. I’m old enough to have stopped getting invited to […]
Sex and the City 2 – A Letter to Movie Critics
Dear Movie Critics, Unless you’re a middle-aged woman, stuck with kids and/or other things that breathe whose daily existence depends on you getting up every morning and whose last big shopping splurge was at T.J. […]
Snarky Gets Cranky
Today has not been a good day. Usually I would self medicate with chocolate, but because I spent the better part of my weekend at a water-park I feel I must say no to brownies. I would also, at this time, like to offer my sincerest and heartfelt apologies to anyone who was in visual range of me in a swimsuit at Ocra’s World of Waves. My substitute today for chocolate will be excessive ranting. Because I’m home alone and have no one to share my bad temper with you, special friend, will get to experience Extreme Cranky Turbo Edition.
The Suburban Anthropologist’s Definitive Guide to the Elementary School Mother (Revised for 2013)
As another school year is beginning I would be remiss if I didn’t share this compelling research completed by my keen scientific mind (and by scientific I mean snarky). I consider myself one of the […]
Your Swimsuit Shopping Survival Guide
I have seen evil, my friends, and it is the 3 way mirror. Truly, an instrument of Satan designed to ravage and shred the self-esteem of any female over the age of 30. I can […]
I Went Postal During Parent Patrol
I’ve been face-to-face with danger a couple of times in my life.I’ve done a 180 in my car while driving down I-35. (It was my husband’s fault.) I’ve shared personal space with a big brown […]
Cheer Up Mom – Here Are 5 Ways Television Can Make You Instantly Feel Better About Yourself!
Cheer up because: You have never been featured on TLC’s I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. Pat yourself on the back or the abdomen because your frontal lobe functions at a high enough capacity to […]
Ode to 21st Century Motherhood
I always feel like a wimp and somewhat ashamed whenever I complain, better yet, make that violently wail, about the challenges of being a mother. Let’s admit it – all moms have those days when […]
Hands Off My Hair Follicle Fund!
I’m no stranger to making sacrifices. After all, I drove a used mini-van for more than a decade. So, when my husband decided that our family needed to economize (again) I was all for it. […]
Five Things Every Parent Should Teach Their Kids Right Now!
No Hands Under 18 Can Touch Any Free Food Sample (This falls under Article 2 of the “Double Dipping Statute.”) Thank you Costco, Whole Foods and assorted grocery purveyors for your abundant free food samples. […]