The Un-Valentine – The New Sexy


Give it up ladies, most men are not romantic and it’s time we stop pressuring them to be something that they’re just not very good at and really have zero natural talent for.

Guys abhor Valentine’s Day. It’s a like a love liquidation sale for them. They go out and pay too much for flowers that on February 15 will cost half of what they did the day before. They try to appease our sentimental sensibilities by buying chocolates, treating us to dinner at a too crowded restaurant or possibly the most egregious – shopping for lingerie.

This is a lose – lose for both parties. No matter what he gives you will result in, at best, mildly hurt feelings and, at worst, a crippling psychosis. The lingerie will either be too small (was that a hint to loss weight?) or too big (again – was that a hint to lose weight or worse does he really think I’m the size of Holstein – America’s largest dairy cow?) If the lingerie is shockingly sexy you’ll start thinking that he’s trying to tell you your love life is a bit of a disappointment and could use a big old boost in the excitement department or and this one will mess with your mind, haunt you as you fold laundry, unload the dishwasher and drive carpool – was he thinking about someone else when he bought that get up? What else would explain getting you t-h-a-t?

We read far too much into any gift giving gesture. The flowers, the chocolate, the dinner out and the lingerie are the signs of a man trying to make sure he doesn’t let you down on Valentine’s Day even though he thinks it’s the world’s dumbest day and a day that has “man hater” written all over it and he’s right.

I mean it’s not even a holiday.  I know of no one that has ever gotten a paid day off for V.D. So, what does that make it – a celebration of love? No, Valentine’s Day is a commerce driven enterprise to boost sales in the lackluster winter month of February (stuck one month after Christmas and two months until any sizable spring shopping begins). This is why I’m urging you to Un-Valentine.

I believe most men are good (Yes, there are the jerks, the serial cheaters, the losers, the crazies and the criminally insane, but all in all I think most men are okay.) and we need to embrace their essential goodness, by giving them a break and backing way off on our Valentine neediness.

Let’s look at Valentine’s Day from the husband’s perspective. What dude really enjoys buying a mushy card for his wife or debating whether or not he should buy you candy. Will you like it or reprimand him for getting you something that will “make you fat” as in, “Why did you get this for me? You know I’m trying to lose weight.”

Dining out on Valentine’s Day is always a crowded nightmare and with kids that just ups the degree of difficulty, especially if it’s a school night. As for buying lingerie not many guys like to hang out in a Victoria’s Secret and look at panties. They feel like pervs and will buy the first thing a sales associate suggests just so they can get the hell out of there. (Which totally explains the whole peek a boo nipple nighty you got last year.)

I’m sure most men rate strolling the aisles of a lingerie stores right up there with making an emergency Tampax run for their wife. I also don’t really want my husband in a lingerie store. There’s no way he needs to know what size panty I wear.  I’m getting embarrassed just thinking about him having to buy me underwear because nothing says “hot wife” like shopping for XL thongs.

If you embrace my idea of the Un-Valentine you will be saving your spouse from these awkward and aggravating Valentine moments and more importantly celebrating the fundamental awesomeness of your husband. Yes, we’re talking about men here, so of course, they’re significantly flawed, but I’m guessing a lot of us already have sexy and romantic husbands we just don’t know it.

Gather around and listen up because I’m here to tell you about the new sexy – it’s called the dependable mate. Oh yeah, day in and day out, dependable is so much better than romance. Romance and passion do not feed your family, keep a roof over your head, or mow the grass. Passion comes and goes and sometimes it comes when you don’t even want it.

Dependable is always needed. If your lucky enough to have a husband who looks forward to coming home (almost) every night, who is there for homework help, bedtime rituals and listens to you or even pretends to (which sometimes can be just as good), who always drives the kids to school in bad weather so you won’t have too, who probably thinks your crazy, but tells himself it’s in a good way and that no matter what obstacles are thrown at your family he’s in it for the long haul and always has your back – then you ladies, are blessed with the new sexy.

Don’t believe me yet? C’mon what’s sexier than having a husband that you can count on 365 days a year 24/7.  Nothing. That’s called love, grown-up, mature love. It’s not flashy and won’t impress the neighbors, but there isn’t a Valentine gift in the world that’s better.


16 thoughts on “The Un-Valentine – The New Sexy

  1. Mrs B. says:

    Preach it sister! Hubby and I both are not big holiday people. He hates feeling forced into doing something because it’s a specific day (other than birthdays and even then we’re very laid back). He loves me by working hard and being a real man every day but I’m supposed to get all bent out of shape because he doesn’t “perform” on this one measly day? How shallow can we get?!

  2. momonthedge says:

    Same here! Plus we’ve had some really bad Valentine’s Day moments because my idea and his don’t mesh. However, I find it much more endearing that he’s willing to get up in the night with a puking kid than that he would buy me jewelry or flowers. Not that I mind flowers — but they don’t clean toilets…


  3. improperly forward says:

    Glad to know I’m in such great company when it comes to knowing true passionate love is man that provides for our family tirelessly, followed by helping with dinner dishes and bedtime snuggled for the kids. I could give a flying fig about chocolates and flowers I have to try to keep pretty for a few days.

    We do celebrate V.D. (I still can’t get used to calling it that. Only one thing comes to mind when I say VD.). We make a nice dinner and break out the good plates and champagne glasses and lavish the kiddos with extra kisses. That’s pretty much all I need. Well, I guess I’d take a footrub and bottle of wine. But I’d take that every night of the week.

  4. Jenn M says:

    We don’t buy each other anything for Valentine’s Day. It’s just another day to us. This year we did buy 2 tickets for a date night that was put on by Focus on the Family. It was an all you can eat buffet and desserts, comedian, musician and speakers. We had such a great time 🙂

  5. Lacey Gentry says:

    The only time I want a gift from my husband is when he can get something that we were already going to buy, and then whip out a receipt that shows he got it for 80% percent off. That is the gift that will get him guaranteed lovin.

  6. Jamie Hindman says:

    My husband set my Valentine’s Day expectations extremely low. It was our first Valentine’s Day together while we were dating and he gave me a stuffed bear that I knew for a fact that his ex-girlfriend had given him. He has gotten a little bit better about gift giving. I’m glad I kept him around though because he is an awesome father and has stayed by my side through lots of bad times.

  7. Pearl says:

    My husband feels “anyone can buy roses”, so every anniversary and a non-holiday, random day of the year, he orders me an arrangement of calla lilies….our wedding flower. He also helps around the house and has always done his own ironing (when we first married) and now dry cleaning runs. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. We are just frugal with the Valentine’s Day silliness.

  8. Lisa says:

    I cut out the ad from our local grocery store for $20 roses and gave it to my husband. No guessing. Just a mission and I get flowers 🙂

  9. Danell says:

    my best valentines day is when my husband ordered pizza for the family, put the kids downstairs and let me watch my favorite TV shows while he is rubbing my feet and for a bonus he does not make fun of my show!

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