Dear Snarky – I Found Out I Was a Seat Filler On a Wedding Guest List

Dear Snarky,

I recently found out that I was at the bottom of a family member’s wedding invitation list and I’m kind of pissed and it’s not for the reason you think.

A good eight months ago this family sent out save the date cards for the wedding. I didn’t get one and was thinking okay I’m not invited – no big deal.

Then about three months ago the wedding invitations got sent out. I was not expecting one because I didn’t get a save the date card so no problem.

Now, about two weeks before the wedding I get an invitation – weird right? I then say something to one of my friends about it and she tells me that it was because I was on the seat filler list. 

This friend gets paid to address wedding invitations because she does calligraphy and she told me she addressed these invitations and did them in stages based on how the RSVP’s were going. I was part of the last minute seat filler list.

I’m really offended and I kind of want to say something on the digital RSVP card when I RSVP – NO! But I don’t want to be a total bitch or do I?

Signed, Take Your Seat Filler Invitation and Shove It

Dear Shove It,

I don’t blame you for thinking WTF? No one wants to know that they’re a seat filler or at the bottom of the barrel of the invitation list. As for your friend, the calligrapher, she should have kept her mouth shut. But I think you probably already figured out that to be invited this late meant you weren’t exactly at the top of the invitation list.

Now, that said I would urge restraint in your reply on the invite card. Perhaps a “regretfully I can’t attend due to the short notice of the invitation” is about the bitchest I would get.

Etiquette experts might disagree with me because the prevailing wisdom is that if you’re invited to a wedding you send a gift even if you don’t attend BUT due to the circumstances I would feel no pressure to send a wedding gift.

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