Alas, I’m still blabbing about my vacation. It’s not that I even want to be talking about it. But people have asked me questions and I feel like it would be ungracious of me not to respond to at least two of the most probing queries.
The question I received in abundance is why my husband and I didn’t just go with a tour group on our trip to Europe, instead of “winging it,” especially since “we’re old.” Well, here’s the unflattering truth. It’s me. I’m the problem.
Why? Because I hate people. Okay, not really, but kind of really, because in any group setting I’m trapped in there always seems to be at least one person that’s destined to drive me insane.
It doesn’t matter if I’m in a jammed packed line for a ride at Disneyland or stuck with a flock of parents during a college tour. I’ll soon be silently seething over the actions of one annoying person.
This means the thought of floating down the Rhine on a 12-day river cruise while locked in with a static set of human beings has all the makings of me losing my mind. Before you could say “Bon Voyage” there would be at least one individual that I was already starting to form an intense and immediate dislike of.
Most likely it would be the person that had already designated themselves either “the fun guy” on the trip or the “know it all.” And lord have mercy on my soul if one person is both of these things. I couldn’t exit the boat, group tour or excursion – you name it – fast enough.
One would think this, let’s call it a personality issue, would annoy my husband. But no, I secretly think he’s all for you based solely on all the money it’s saving. Those tours are expensive. It’s much cheaper to use all the hotel points and airline miles you’ve hoarded and go it alone.
And what’s not to like about going it alone? There’s freedom because since it’s just me and my husband we can change our plans. Don’t like this city? Let’s move on. There’s also all that delightful and robust interaction, and by that I mean arguing about what train we should be getting on, that no couple would want to miss. Ahh, the memories.
I’ve also had people, ever so politely, ask me why our vacation resembled a “death march.” Certainly, having activities planned from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. might not be everyone’s cup of tea. But I was born into a family where the most oft used vacation quote was “we didn’t come all this way for you to sleep.” Fortunately, my husband was raised the exact same way.
In fact, a beach vacation makes both of us nervous. We can do two days max, and that’s pushing it, of lounging by the pool or frocklinging in the ocean. When you were raised on a “go, go, go” vacay mentality it’s hard to embrace a kick back and chill vibe.
Our family’s sign of a great vacation is if you’re thoroughly exhausted once you arrive home. I’m not saying this is right and I acknowledge that it could be a sign of a couple in need of a mental health intervention but it’s just the way it is. If I came home rested from a vacation I’d feel like I hadn’t really used my days off to their fullest.
For me the fact that I’m still tired and we’ve been home for a week and half is the sign of a most excellent vacation. And bonus, I was never in a forced group setting. This meant my husband was the only person who annoyed me and that’s what I call a trip to paradise.
Breaking NEWS!!!! Four Seasons of Snarky is now an Audiobook! You can listen on Audible, iTunes and Amazon. 🎧 🎧 🎧
Crazy is always in season, especially when you live in the burbs. 🏡
Epic yard wars (Because it’s always a good day when you call tell the HOA to suck it.), a PTA take down (Spoiler alert – lice is a great way to clear a room), bizarre goings on at a Parents Day Out program, Little League intrigue (Apparently, you don’t know real power until you become “Commissioner” of your local Little League.), a tale of Vacation Bible School taking an, ahem, rather unfortunate turn, how to get kicked out of the Junior League (It was harder than you might think), a science fair stalker and turning Christmas inflatables into a revenge plot
All this and more are in Four Seasons of Snarky featuring some of the greatest hits from Snarky in the Suburbs. Where schemes, payback, and retribution scenarios all tell the tale of a woman who will admit she might be crazy, but you know in a good way. Click to hear an excerpt! www.amazon.com/dp/B0BGQ87D75
Snarky in the Suburbs 