Dear Snarky,
I need some advice. For the past 10ish years, my brother-in-law has said and done many hurtful and (in my opinion, very rude) things to me.
I am so frustrated and exasperated with him that I actively try to avoid any interaction with him. My husband loves his brother and thinks that I don’t understand him or his “humor.” He worries about our future relationships with his family.
Last weekend, my MIL and FIL sat me down and wanted to talk to work through how to fix my relationship with my BIL. The consensus was that I need to tell him how he makes me feel or basically I need to try to fix it, whatever that looks like.
I am not a confrontational person at all and the thought of confronting my BIL feels me with dread and makes me want to just keep trying to put up with it. I don’t know if my husband or MIL intervening will help with the situation, and I don’t want their relationship with him to get soured or hurt because of me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please help!
Signed,
Non-confrontational Sister-in-Law
Dear Sister-in-Law,
The way I see it you don’t have a brother-in-law problem you have a husband problem. As in your husband should have shut this BS down a decade ago.
Also, have your in-laws or your husband talked to your BIL about his jerk fueled behavior? Because I don’t like the vibe I’m getting that you’re the problem not your BIL? Honestly, he sounds like a huge a hole.
As for the whole you “don’t get his humor” B.S. Well, that’s a classic excuse people use to justify being a jerk and to make it seem like you’re the problem and dare I say it’s gaslighting behavior.
Now on to your husband. Girlfriend, he needs to have your back. Because a wife trumps a brother all day every day. In fact, he should have told his brother to either fix his behavior or not come over.
The way I see it, if your in-laws want to have a meeting with you and your brother-in-law then a third party needs to be involved. And by that I mean someone who is not related by blood to your brother in law.
Because guess what? They’ll always take his side and in their eyes you’ll always be the problem. I suggest getting the whole family to meet with a therapist and hash it out with someone who is trained in dealing with family issues and where you won’t be the “outsider.”
Good luck and please know I think you deserve better and you certainly deserve more support from your husband.
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