Dear Snarky – A Greedy Daughter Is Out to Fleece Her Parents

Dear Snarky,

I’m not sure you’re the right person to reach out to for advice because to be honest I only read your stuff for the laughs. It’s a little awkward to now be in the position to actually be writing to you but I usually agree with what you tell people so here goes.

 My 30-year-old daughter recently got married. Because of COVID it was a very small wedding. That’s not to say it wasn’t exquisite. It was just very intimate. Now my daughter has asked my husband and I to give her money we saved from “not throwing her a huge wedding.”

 At first we thought she was joking and my husband and I had a good laugh. Unfortunately, she’s dead serious. She even told us that by having a small wedding she saved us at least $40,000 but she would settle for $25,000.

 To say we were taken aback would be an understatement. My husband got furious and pointed out that we still spent a pretty penny on her wedding and that what we spent was what had been budgeted. There’s no extra money laying around.

 I told her that she’s a 30-year-old attorney and her husband is a 35-year-old executive and that they are at little too old to be asking for handouts.

 It got very heated and now our daughter is not talking to us. She’s even blocked both of us on her phone. I’m afraid the longer this lasts the harder it will be to heal the rift. Do you have any advice on how to move forward?

 Signed, Worried and Disappointed Mother

Dear Worried,

 Give me a second because I need to pick my jaw off the floor. Holy-Freaking-Crap that is some brazen daughter you’ve got there. That said I’m sure with those stones she’s an excellent litigator.

 To be clear a 30-year-old highly educated woman and her fast approaching middle-age husband who is also gainfully employed should not be trying to fleece their parents/in-laws. Because that’s  what this is – a fleecing.

 I don’t blame you or your husband for losing it. The greed and total lack of conscience and gratitude is alarming. Both your bank account and your feelings have to be feeling very raw right now.

 As for what to do to heal the rift my response is do nothing. That’s right, just sit tight because your daughter will come back around. It’s obvious that she’s having a temper tantrum and it’s also obvious that she’ll want you to do something else for her.

 My best guess she’s going to come back and try to negotiate for at least $12,500. Stand firm. It sounds like you need to establish some boundaries for your relationship moving forward.

 Also, and this may freak you out. But based on her actions I would never give her medical power of attorney or any power of attorney – EVER.  I don’t trust her and she seems to be very financially motivated in her dealings with you. I apologize if this has upset you further but I felt I had to point this out.

 Best of luck and remember you are not responsible for your adult child’s behavior! DO NOT beat yourself up over what she’s doing. It’s 100% on her.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at 😉

Dear Snarky – Help! The Bride Has Demanded All of Her Bridesmaids Go on the Keto Diet

Dear Snarky,

Is there a nice way to get out of being a bridesmaid in wedding without saying, “F off!”

 My cousin is getting married in December and she told all five of her bridesmaids that we have to go on the Keto diet or else. She’s even demanding that we put the Keto diet app on our phones and then every day send her our nutritional logs along with a weekly weigh in.

 She told us that for her wedding to be “Insta fabulous” there’s a strict no fatties allowed rule. None of the bridesmaids are even what I would call fat. So, I just think she’s being a hateful bitch who thinks she can control us because we’re in her wedding. I want to get out now because you know it’s going to get worse by December.

 What’s the classiest way to drop out?

 Signed, Ready to Go

Dear Go,

 I think I would forget about being classy and just tell this monster of a bride that if being a bridesmaid in her wedding means humiliating yourself and allowing her to interfere in your personal business up to and including your private health information than you are tendering your bridesmaid resignation effective immediately.

 If this shrew throws a fit so be it. Just walk away with your pride in tact and under no circumstances let other family members try to talk you back into being a bridesmaid. This cousin isn’t worthy of your presence.

 And mark my words once you defect other bridesmaids will follow your lead because being a bride doesn’t give you carte blanche to ride roughshod over anyone else’s life with outrageous demands. In my opinion this woman doesn’t need to get married she needs an extended stay at a mental health clinic because she be crazy.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at 😉

Dear Snarky – My Future In-Laws Won’t Pay for My Second Bridal Gown

Dear Snarky,

I’m getting some bad vibes from my future mother-in-law. I don’t think she likes me and she’s being super cheap about the wedding. When I went dress shopping with my mom and sisters I found a beautiful gown but I also wanted something more fun and flirty to wear for the reception so I thought that my finance’s family would buy me the reception dress as a gift since they haven’t gotten me a big ticket item yet.

 When I asked my finance’s mom if she would be up for treating me to the reception dress she acted confused about what a reception dress was and then said that she “didn’t see the sense” in having two dresses. So, I guess she didn’t give me a “no” so I’m wondering if I should ask her again?

 I’m not being a bridezilla I’m just letting the groom’s parents know that this is something I think they should do for me. After all, I’m about to be their daughter.

 Signed, Bride Problems

 Dear Bride,

 Here’s something you can get for your wedding – a clue. Your fiancé’s mom was attempting to be tactful by telling you “no way in hell” in a very diffused manner and I have to say that I agree with the woman. I also don’t “see the sense” in having two dresses.

 Do the math. A wedding ceremony last, at most, an hour. The average bridal gown costs $2,000. So, if you wear the dress for 60 minutes you’re paying almost $34 a minute for the dress. That’s just crazy. Now, if you have buckets of money do whatever you want but don’t expect your fiancé’s family to pick up the tab on another dress. It’s not a good look in more ways than one.

 If I were you I would apologize to your fiancé’s mom for even asking and tell her you had momentarily gotten a case of bride brain with all the wedding planning. Also, moving forward suppress your greed. A wedding isn’t about who’s picking up the tab on your “big ticket items.” 

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at 😉

Bridezilla – The Early Years

show-imageI confess to, on occasion, watching the trio of reality wedding shows that are on the TLC network. There’s Say Yes to the Dress, Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids and Four Weddings where brides attend and rate each other’s ceremony and reception. (Have I mentioned these are all on Friday night? That right there tells you a lot about my social calendar.) I usually sit on the couch, my mouth agape, thinking that none of the nonsense I’m seeing really happened. It must be sort of, kind of, scripted because it’s all too crazy.

For example, what bride gets two wedding dresses? And an even better question is why would a parent pay for two dresses? Where’s the mom saying, “Hey, there mentally unhinged daughter of mine, you don’t need a separate wedding gown for your ceremony and a different one for your reception.”

If you do the wedding math the bride is only going to wear her ceremony gown for, what, two hours, max? As for requiring a different dress for your reception – is your wedding really going to be such a throwdown that you need a back up?

I’m not a dolt. I know wedding receptions have changed, a lot, from back in my day and I have zero nostalgia for the weddings I attended as a young adult. I was a bride in the 1980’s and, trust me, no one misses wedding gowns inspired by the TV show Dynasty with puffed sleeves so ginormous they could do double duty as umbrellas and receptions held in the church fellowship hall with punch, cake and Jordan almonds. (Just why on the almonds? How did that ever become a wedding thing?)  Regardless, I’m still flabbergasted by the receptions I see on TV. There’s the cocktail hour where you pre-feed your guests a light buffet before the seven course, sit down dinner, followed by a post reception midnight breakfast. It’s like the witch in Hansel and Gretel is the wedding cater and she’s stuffing the guests so she can eat them later.

But, as of this week, all of the current wedding hoopla makes sense from the multiple dresses to the layering of the reception into three different events. You see I have found the birthplace of this foolishness. The primordial stew, if you will, from where all this festers and flows. It’s called high school homecoming. Yes, that’s right homecoming (not prom, people). A dance held in a gym, that is infused with the odor of a thousand sweat socks, is ground zero for the making of a bridezilla.

Confused? Hang on, I’m going to walk you through it. Having lived through my first homecoming as a parent of a girl here’s what I learned. A high school homecoming usually requires two outfits. A fancy-ish dress (with abundant accessories) for the dance and one for the after party which may or may not have a theme. The grooming ritual for the dance can include; spray tan, professional hair and makeup, mani/pedi and, at the very least, an eyebrow wax. Once again, lest you forgot, this is all for a dance in a gym.

The “Ho Co” activities are as follows: First, an outdoor photo session with the dinner group (which is at least a dozen kids). This can take upwards of an hour for the parents to get all the pictures their daughters are telling them they need. I have discovered that the picture-taking is THE most important part of homecoming. It’s all about the pictorial. Seriously, for most girls their dates are simply a conduit to a photo-op. Next up, is dinner at a restaurant, then the dance in the gym described as something to be “gotten out of the way” so the teens can head to the after party which, as previously stated, requires a change in outfits.

Now, if you have girls, as young as 14, being schooled in this crazy, the whole bridezilla epidemic makes perfect sense. Why wouldn’t you “demand” two dresses for your wedding if you had two for your flipping freshman homecoming dance?

This is why I felt I needed to take a firm-parenting stand. I figured it’s never to early to start waging a war against raising a bridezilla. So, I gave my daughter a two-figure homecoming budget and a Discount Shoe Warehouse coupon. Little does she know, that someday, her adult self will thank me or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

**For more Snarky check out my book  Snarky in the Suburbs Back to School. 

Here’s a little ditty about it: The Spring Creek Elementary School PTA board (a coven of Mean Moms dressed in Uggs, yoga pants, and dermal filler) is up to no good.  Wynn Butler (middle-aged, uncool, and not bringing sexy back) is determined to find out what’s going on. With help from her two kids, a Roomba vacuum turned mobile surveillance drone, and a few good friends, Wynn launches a covert investigation that leads to the “mother of all revenge capers” at the school’s annual Fall Festival.  If you’ve ever fantasized about smoke bombing the idiot parent who has yet to master the fine art of the school drop-off lane, or standing up and shouting, “Liar, liar, Botox on fire” during a PTA meeting, then this delicious tale of payback is for you. 

To stay up-to-date on new posts and take part in my not so deep thoughts click on this Facebook link – (That’s the abbreviated link to my FB page) or I twitter @snarkynsuburbs.