Dear Snarky – Help! The Bride Has Demanded All of Her Bridesmaids Go on the Keto Diet

Dear Snarky,

Is there a nice way to get out of being a bridesmaid in wedding without saying, “F off!”

 My cousin is getting married in December and she told all five of her bridesmaids that we have to go on the Keto diet or else. She’s even demanding that we put the Keto diet app on our phones and then every day send her our nutritional logs along with a weekly weigh in.

 She told us that for her wedding to be “Insta fabulous” there’s a strict no fatties allowed rule. None of the bridesmaids are even what I would call fat. So, I just think she’s being a hateful bitch who thinks she can control us because we’re in her wedding. I want to get out now because you know it’s going to get worse by December.

 What’s the classiest way to drop out?

 Signed, Ready to Go

Dear Go,

 I think I would forget about being classy and just tell this monster of a bride that if being a bridesmaid in her wedding means humiliating yourself and allowing her to interfere in your personal business up to and including your private health information than you are tendering your bridesmaid resignation effective immediately.

 If this shrew throws a fit so be it. Just walk away with your pride in tact and under no circumstances let other family members try to talk you back into being a bridesmaid. This cousin isn’t worthy of your presence.

 And mark my words once you defect other bridesmaids will follow your lead because being a bride doesn’t give you carte blanche to ride roughshod over anyone else’s life with outrageous demands. In my opinion this woman doesn’t need to get married she needs an extended stay at a mental health clinic because she be crazy.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

6 thoughts on “Dear Snarky – Help! The Bride Has Demanded All of Her Bridesmaids Go on the Keto Diet

  1. Nova Mama says:

    Oh my…what a miserable sounding bride. Run. Run far away. My best friend was unable to attend my wedding and I would have done anything for her to be there. My then-fiance (now husband) and I were active duty military on 9/11/2001. Our wedding plans went out the door and we quickly planned a small service for December 2001…the only week that we could both take leave before my impending deployment. Several members of our wedding party were no longer able to attend…most were in Afghanistan including my friend. This bride doesn’t understand love and friendship and never will. Save your energy for people who do.

  2. Linda Ramos says:

    Easy peasy fix….next time you all meet up take a box of doughnuts. Might be a little extreme but hey….that’s the point! She’s definitely crazy so you have to out-crazy her. AND you’ll be a legend.😋

  3. AthenaC says:

    So … this would be WAY more effort than it’s worth, but if you REALLY want to see the bride have a fit:

    – Do exactly as she says. Keto app, weekly updates, everything
    – Order your dresses in a much larger size than you need
    – Day of the wedding, show up in your beautiful dresses …. over fatsuits.
    – Feign ignorance (a la Pam in The Office during the Asian Jim episode) – “I’ve been this size all along!”
    – Take pictures / videos of the bride’s (sure-to-be) outrageous reaction

    😀

  4. Cristine Redmond says:

    Sounds like your typical millennial. Only thinking about how many likes they’ll get from wedding pictures instead of remembering what the actual day is about. She’s everything that’s wrong with that generation. God speed to her husband because she sounds like a real treat.

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