Dear Snarky,
I need your help in getting out of going to my brother and sister-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving. Just out of the blue my sister-in-law sent the entire family a text message that she was hosting Thanksgving this year.
I was kind of shocked because she just took it upon herself to host which I thought was weird. Then when my sister and I reached out and offered to bring some of our family favorite foods like sweet potato casserole, she shut that down by telling us she was having an “elevated” Thanksgiving and wasn’t a fan of our mother’s recipes. Calling them “disgusting.”
That stung because our mom died earlier this year and those recipes are part of our family tradition. Then a couple of days later she sent out another family group text and told us the dress code for Thanksgiving and that there would be no football on at her house.
At this point I don’t want to go mainly because I feel like she insulted the memory of my mother and my husband sure doesn’t and has suggest we go to his parent’s house instead. Which we have never done because it was so important for my mom to have her entire family home for Thanksgiving. Is there a nice way to do this without causing any family drama?
Signed, Holiday Dread
Dear Holiday,
I just got a couple of thoughts before we get into this. 1 – an elevated Thanksgiving sounds horrible. Especially if elevated means the meal won’t be a salute to carbs. 2 – Who disses sweet potato casserole and a deceased parent? And 3 – Just because you’re a member of a family you are also an autonomous human being with free will and you can exercise you’re right to say hard pass.
Now onto the letter. Yes, there is a perfectly acceptable way to decline an invitation especially since it’s for an event that’s two months away. You simply say thank you for your lovely invite but I’m so sorry my husband and I won’t be able to attend.
But since we’re dealing with family this of course would probably cause some drama because there’s always some family member looking to stir the pot and play the hurt feelings card and by this I mean your sister-in-law.
So, I suggest including in that statement that your husband has reminded you that this Thanksgiving you have an obligation to spend it with your in-laws. I would use the word “obligation” because it conveys that you can’t get out of it so don’t even try.
Now I know there are people who are going to think you should just tell the unvarnished truth and let your sister-in-law now that she’s a huge bitch and her and her elevated Thanksgiving can F off.
But you ask for a nice way and that’s what I gave you.
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Snarky in the Suburbs 