I’ve been told a lot of lies over the years. This I realize is not shocking news because to live is to lie. We lie or get lied to all the time.
Children are lied to by their parents about many things from the fantastical adventures of a certain jolly man in red to being told by your mother if you moisturize your neck every night from the age of 12 you won’t look like your Aunt Dottie who went by the name “Wattle.”
I religiously followed this advice and yet my neck now has more wrinkles than a linen shirt that’s been wadded up and used as a gymnastic mat. So, bottom line – my mom lied.
As kids you’re taught not to lie but you soon learn that if you rebrand your lies into different categories from white lie to a slight exaggeration then you can tell yourself it’s not really a lie. It’s more like a half-truth so technically not a lie which enables you to look your parents in the eye and say, “No, I’m not lying.”
This skill is honed when you’re a teenager and really reaches mastery in our adult years. Part of our life long lying curriculum is, of course, advertising. For example, the fact that toothpaste companies are allowed to say that a whitening toothpaste can “remove 15 years of stains” is a huge whopping lie.
Oh, I’m sure it all depends on how one defines “stains,” but common sense tells me that this toothpaste is not taking my teeth on a time traveling journey back to when I was in my 40s. The “lie” irks me so much that I went off about it in the toothpaste aisle at Target to two total strangers. The man fled but the woman joined in my rant and I felt a profound moment of sisterhood.
I think this is because women start getting lied to at an early age. Just look at the beauty industry. It’s a lie factory constantly manufacturing falsehoods to make us spend money to “fix” ourselves.
There’s been a lot of social media coverage about girls in elementary school flocking to Sephora (a beauty product store) to buy skin care products because even at 10 they’ve been led to believe that you need a retinol wrinkle cream. Can I judge them? No, because I was slathering my neck with a gooey mix of Vaseline, Noxema and Ponds cold cream when I was 12.
Spoiler alert to all you 10-year-olds. You can’t fight the march of time. One day you’ll look old because gravity is a cruel mistress and wrinkles seem to have military grade GPS. So you can run sister, but you can’t hide.
What makes lying so easy and omnipresent is that as humans are an easy mark because we want to believe what people tell us. For example, parents desperately want to believe their kids aren’t lying to them. Just like I wanted to believe that petroleum jelly would render me ageless. To go through life thinking no one is truthful is a horrible way to live.
Now that said I feel it’s becoming harder and harder to not think that way. Thanks, in part, to the last two presidential election cycles which have probably jettisoned a not insignificant portion of people into the “everyone is lying” stratosphere.
The only suggestion I have to combat this trust issue is to follow the advice of my father who used to say he believed in facts not people. I always thought it was a pessimistic approach to life but now in 2024 he’s probably spot on.
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Okay people I’m not lying when I tell you my books are fabulous! Don’t believe me? Take a lookie-loo. From Empty a “laugh till you cry” menopausal revenge adventure perfect for any women in your life who buys wrinkle cream in bulk to the Snarky four pack – Back to School, Trouble in Texas, Four Seasons of Snarky and Killer Dance Mom. 
Back to School is a hysterical read for any mom currently marinating in elementary school parent drama. Trouble in Texas is a tall tale of what happens when a mother just can’t stop meddling and enlists her 40 something daughter in her schemes. And Four Seasons of Snarky is the ideal book to give to someone who needs a primer on suburban revenge plots. (The book is a series of short stories so it’s awesome for the person who doesn’t have a lot of time to read.) Killer Dance Mom is the first Snarky mystery and involves all the crazy of being a dance mom especially when a judge gets murdered.
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Snarky in the Suburbs 