Dear Snarky – My Future Sisters-In-Laws Want to Drop Out As Bridesmaids

Dear Snarky,

I’m getting married in four months and I’ve got two future sisters-in-laws that are threatening to drop out as bridesmaids and it’s all over my wedding dress.

A couple of months ago we did the big wedding dress shopping thing where you bring your entire wedding party to try on gowns. It was awful. For one thing I don’t like to shop and I didn’t like the idea of buying a dress based more on other people opinions than my own. Also, I have a strict budget and didn’t appreciate when almost everyone, except my mother, were suggesting dresses more than three times what I could afford. I ended up not buying a dress that day.

Last week, on my lunch hour, I ran into a chain bridal store and found a dress I loved that was marked down to half price! I’m thrilled. My problem is my soon to be sister-in-laws are furious that they got “ripped off from the dress shopping experience” and have mocked me that I got my dress on clearance. Now, they both have told me they don’t want to be in the wedding party because “I’m not doing it right.”

I don’t want to cause in-law problems before the marriage even starts. Do you have any advice how to diffuse this situation?

Signed, Bummed Out Bride

Dear Bummed Out,

Turn that frown upside down and do the happy dance because bouncing your two control freak, icky future sister-in-laws from your wedding party sounds fabulous.

Let me do a quick wedding primer for bridesmaids – get over yourself. The wedding is not about you. And the whole bringing everyone you’ve ever known including your pre-school soccer team with you to try on dresses is one of the worst ideas ever. I know that’s what happens on TV shows, but sane, non-reality television people usually don’t bring a posse to a bridal store.

As for your soon to be sister-in-laws I would call their bluff. Instead of begging them to be in your wedding graciously tell them you totally understand if they no longer want to be bridesmaids due to your differing opinions on wedding planning and leave it at that. Then count to 10 and watch these attention seeking losers back track their way to bridesmaids status.

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or PM on my Snarky FB page.

7Comments

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1

Ashlea Christopher on April 10, 2017 at 9:49 am
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And how does the “dress shopping experience” have anything to do with the bridesmaids? And getting an amazing dress on clearance rocks!
2

Linda Ramos on April 10, 2017 at 10:11 am
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Dearest Bride……Sweetheart you missed the bullet on that one. Tell these two b*tches to FOff and enjoy your big day stress free.
3

Lisa on April 10, 2017 at 10:32 am
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It’s her lucky day when weirdos like that “drop out.” Offer to let them pay for the difference between great reasonably priced dress & ridiculous one. Take bets as to which one coughs up cash first. Tick, tick… What? Neither one? Imagine that.
4

Tracy on April 10, 2017 at 10:33 am
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Agree totally! Experience talking here, nip their controlling ways NOW, AS FAST AS YOU CAN! If not, expect to have lots more instances where they feel their opinion matters. Think about your future children’s birthday parties!
Stand up now or it could put a huge rift in you marriage’s future & sanity!!
5

Fiona W on April 10, 2017 at 12:34 pm
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I so agree, tell them gracefully that you understand, then find two other more understanding friends or have your future husband cut his groomsmen back by two. Your savvy shopping will never mesh with them and better to establish YOUR boundaries now rather than later.
6

Lucy - Bridal Shop Owner on April 10, 2017 at 2:01 pm
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Please ladies leave your entourage at home! Shopping for a bridal gown is not an event for the extended family. We have a saying at our store. The more people a bride brings to her appointment the less likely she is to buy a dress. 1) Because she’s coming to play dress up with her friends and has no interest in doing any serious shopping or 2) the bride is pulled in so many different ways by family members/bridal party she can’t possibly make a decision. Most successful wedding gown shopping appointments began and end with the bride and her mother and at most a sister or a friend.
7

Donnadon on April 12, 2017 at 2:57 pm
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Nip that controlling BS in the bud and do it now. With my second husband his sister tried telling us how to do everything for our wedding and who should do it. And she lived in another state. She even convinced her mom that she was coming with us on our honeymoon. However, SIL to be neglected to tell us about it until 6 weeks before the wedding. My question to my intended was “what is she going to do, watch?”. I should have realized our marriage was doomed when he actually asked me if it would be such a bad idea to take his mother with us on our honeymoon.