Dear Snarky – My Future Sisters-In-Laws Want to Drop Out As Bridesmaids

Dear Snarky,

I’m getting married in four months and I’ve got two future sisters-in-laws that are threatening to drop out as bridesmaids and it’s all over my wedding dress.

A couple of months ago we did the big wedding dress shopping thing where you bring your entire wedding party to try on gowns. It was awful. For one thing I don’t like to shop and I didn’t like the idea of buying a dress based more on other people opinions than my own. Also, I have a strict budget and didn’t appreciate when almost everyone, except my mother, were suggesting dresses more than three times what I could afford. I ended up not buying a dress that day.

Last week, on my lunch hour, I ran into a chain bridal store and found a dress I loved that was marked down to half price! I’m thrilled. My problem is my soon to be sister-in-laws are furious that they got “ripped off from the dress shopping experience” and have mocked me that I got my dress on clearance. Now, they both have told me they don’t want to be in the wedding party because “I’m not doing it right.”

I don’t want to cause in-law problems before the marriage even starts. Do you have any advice how to diffuse this situation?

Signed, Bummed Out Bride

Dear Bummed Out,

Turn that frown upside down and do the happy dance because bouncing your two control freak, icky future sister-in-laws from your wedding party sounds fabulous.

Let me do a quick wedding primer for bridesmaids – get over yourself. The wedding is not about you. And the whole bringing everyone you’ve ever known including your pre-school soccer team with you to try on dresses is one of the worst ideas ever. I know that’s what happens on TV shows, but sane, non-reality television people usually don’t bring a posse to a bridal store.

As for your soon to be sister-in-laws I would call their bluff. Instead of begging them to be in your wedding graciously tell them you totally understand if they no longer want to be bridesmaids due to your differing opinions on wedding planning and leave it at that. Then count to 10 and watch these attention seeking losers back track their way to bridesmaids status. 

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or PM on my Snarky FB page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Snarky – My Sister-in-Law Tells People Her Kid Is a Genius

Dear Snarkydear_snarky_logo,

Three sisters-in-laws are writing because we need help with our fourth sister-in-law. She homeschools her 8-year-old daughter and whenever we’re at a large family function or event invariably someone will ask what grade all of the kids are in.  My sister-in-law has started saying her 8-year-old is in the ninth grade! You can imagine how everyone oohs and aahs and talks about how she must be a genius. She’s not a genius. My sister-in-law is basing her daughter’s grade level on the random fact that she read a book that was supposedly on a ninth grade reading list.

All of us are tired of her measuring her daughter’s grade using “homeschool math” and would like your advice on how to get her to stop it.

Signed, 3 Moms 

Dear 3 Moms,

Simmer down sister-in-laws and let’s examine the problem from another angle. Has something happened in this mom’s life or homeschooling journey that has her rattled? I ask this because you shared that this is a relatively new occurrence. Maybe your sister-in-law is feeling needy or insecure about her teaching or needs some outside validation that she’s doing the right thing. 

I suggest you three take S.I.L. #4 out for lunch or coffee and ask if everything is okay. I would even share that you’re concerned because she’s saying your niece is in the ninth grade. This may help and if it doesn’t at least you’ve reached out in caring way and have let your relative know that the whole grade level leap-frog business is ridiculous.

Dear Snarky – The Mother of the Bride Keeps Wearing Her Old Wedding Dress

Screen Shot 2015-09-23 at 10.33.36 AMDear Snarky,

My beautiful daughter is engaged and recently I went with her to her soon to be sister-in-laws bridesmaids luncheon and I’m still having problems picking my jaw up from the floor! At the luncheon the bride’s mother, my daughter’s future mother-in-law, was wearing her wedding dress!!! Yes her wedding dress from the 1980’s. She was also taking selfies and putting pictures of herself on Twitter and Facebook with the hashtag “still fits.”

How do I make sure this woman doesn’t pull this stunt at my daughter’s upcoming wedding festivities?

Signed #unbelievable

Dear Unbelievable,

Here’s the bad news your daughter’s future mother-in-law is a train wreck (choo, choo!) with a “look at me,” “look at me” personality disorder. Everything always has to be about her even at her own daughter’s wedding.

No one is going to change this woman. Did you hear me I said NO ONE. That said, I would advise embracing the nut job. I suggest your daughter or you start by sharing with the almost mother-in-law that you will be letting all the guests know who are invited to any bridal parties that it’s just super if they want to wear their old wedding dresses. 

This will tank the “look at me, look at me”, thrill and your daughter can serve notice that she’s equipped with the skills to derail the crazy train.

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky, 21st Century Advice with Attitude, please email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or private message me on the Snarky Facebook page.

Dear Snarky – My Sister-In-Law Screwed Me Over

Dedear_snarky_logo-1ar Snarky,

Recently my sister-in-law volunteered to make, what I would call, a coffee table photo book for my mother-in-law’s birthday. The book was supposed to be photos of ALL the grandkids. I thought it was a great idea so I submitted pictures of my kids and paid for half of the book. Fast-forward to my mother-in-law’s birthday party and when she gets the book it’s all pictures of my sister-in-law’s kids with only ONE photo of my three children. WTH?

Do I ask my sister-in-law for my money back as a way of showing that I’m super ticked off and do I need to tell my mother-in-law the back-story? Because, as of right, now it looks like I didn’t get my mother-in-law a present since the book contains 53 pictures of just my sister-in-laws kids!

Signed, Bummed

 Dear Bummed,

Yes, I would ask your sister-in-law for your money back because she most certainly did not create, as promised, a book of ALL your mother-in-law’s grandchildren. I think she needs to be called out on her behavior – family harmony be damned. What she did was beyond rude. And she needs to know that you’re not going to put up these kinds of shenanigans in the future. Consider it a line in the sand.

 I would then take the sister-in-law refund money and make a book with photos of just your kids for your mother-in-law. That way she has two precious books of her grandchildren and any grandma would love that!

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With An Attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or private message me on my Snarky Facebook page.

Dear Snarky – Smotherhood

dear_snarky_logoDear Snarky,

My 12-year-old niece was coming to visit her cousins at the end of the month and my sister-in-law, who the family has nicknamed Smother, recently called and told me that the only way she would feel comfortable letting her daughter stay with us for two days is if she comes along to “watch.”

Before you think we are a  bunch of freaks or something and that’s the reason why she wants to “watch” I need to tell you that I’m a registered nurse and my husband is a freaking pediatrician! We have twin girls – also 12 and I would call us a normal and safe family. So yes, I’m insulted and I’m mad enough to tell her to take a hike. Should I suck it up and tell Smother that, of course, she’s welcome?

Signed, Not Happy

Dear Not Happy,

First, do not feel insulted. This is not about you. It’s all about Smother. I find these kind of mothers that keep their kids in a philosophical hammer lock from birth on have their own set of problems including some abandonment and pathological control issues.

They also believe, with all their heart, that constantly clutching their child to their breast, in the mother of all bear hugs, makes them a better parent than 99.9% of the population. Nothing you do or say is going to make your sister-in-law release the death grip on her child. 

So, yes, for the sake of cousin love you do, indeed, have to suck it up and welcome Smother into your home for two days. Good luck and I hope you have wine, lots and lots of wine.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com