Dear Snarky – My Daughter Got Kicked Out of Her Sorority Because of Me

Dear Snarky,

I’m devastated. My daughter has been kicked out of the sorority she just got into. The worst thing is it’s not her fault. It’s mine. Sorority recruitment this year was all virtual because of the pandemic. This means that the girls didn’t meet with any sorority members in person at rush parties. It was all over the computer.

My daughter wasn’t feeling that great and she was very nervous about all the Zoom recruitment so she did it from home. This gave me the idea to have her younger sister, who is a junior in high school and very outgoing, pretend to be her. They look a lot alike so it would be hard for anyone to know the difference.

It worked out wonderfully and my college daughter got into a great sorority and was very happy until someone at the sorority found out and her pledge bid, or whatever you call it, got rescinded.

I got involved and tried to plead my daughter’s case putting all the blame on me but it didn’t matter they kicked her out.

How do I fix this?

Signed, Devastated Mama Bear

Dear Mama Bear,

Umm, haven’t you’ve done enough? You should have stayed the hell out of your daughter’s sorority recruitment. I think you were worried about your daughter doing virtual rush and when she said she wasn’t feeling well you took that as your golden opportunity to insert your more outgoing daughter into the mix.

What you did was wrong. It was a lie. A falsehood. A fraud. The fact that you engineered all this and involved your minor child is all kinds of messed up. Were you at no time worried about what you were teaching your daughters?

Also, what about the self-esteem of your college freshman? How does she feel knowing that you thought her younger sister was a better way to go? That’s right, you told your daughter with your actions that she wasn’t good enough and her baby sister was better.

As for the sorority finding out – well, you know what they say a secret isn’t a secret if more than one person knows it. I would bet money that your youngest daughter couldn’t help but brag to friends how she “got into a sorority.”

The bottom line is you can’t fix this. Forget about the sorority and focus on the damage you’ve done to your daughters. It’s not good Mama Bear, not good at all. I’m also going to guess that this isn’t the first time you’ve messed with your oldest daughter’s confidence and favored your younger daughter. This family dynamic is crying out for therapy. I hope you get some.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉

Dear Snarky – Sorority Rec Rescinded

61110c99cb154b855df4ab9b6b85d9a7Dear Snarky,

My daughter is leaving for college in a few weeks and is going to go through sorority rush. I recently found out that someone, whom I thought was a very good friend, and is an alumna of a sorority my daughter is very interested in, did not, after promising and volunteering too, write her a recommendation  letter for her sorority and you need an alumna recommendation letter to be invited to the rush parties!

When I confronted her about why she didn’t write a rec, as promised, she had the nerve to tell me that my amazing 4.0 GPA, tons of high school awards, daughter was not “sorority material.”

I’m so angry and so hurt for myself and my daughter I don’t know what to do, but I know I need to do something. Any suggestions?

Signed, Stunned

Dear Stunned,

Take a breath. It’s not like someone backed out of giving you a kidney.  Please know that just because your crappy friend didn’t write your daughter a rec doesn’t mean she’s not going to get into a sorority. You need to survey your friend and acquaintance base and see if you know someone else who can write her a rec letter for that sorority. Also, if a sorority really wants a girl, trust me, they’ll manage to get her a rec letter.

Now, and this is going to hard, stop fixating on that one sorority. Let’s say worst case scenario you don’t get someone to write her rec letter. Big deal, maybe, if the alumnae are any indication, it would be an awful sorority and she’s better off not having that experience.

The absolute worst thing you can do is blow this up so it overshadows what really counts – the life event of your daughter leaving for college. Focus on that and as for your “friend”  I would give that B the polite cold shoulder (or middle finger) for the rest of eternity.

*If you have a question for – Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude – write me at http://www.snarkyinthesuburbs.com or send me a private message on my Snarky FB page.

 

Confession Time: I Was In a Sorority

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 9.49.45 AMHere’s a shocker for you. I was in a sorority. I know, for many of you, I don’t seem the “type” to either want to be in sorority or, let’s be honest here, “sorority material.”  But, call Ripley’s because I even got into a sorority wearing knee socks. Yes knee socks with a skirt to the “casual round” of parties. For sure, some people might still be talking about to this day, but I stand by my decision to rock navy blue argyles.

That said, I know the whole collegiate Greek system has been making headlines recently and not in a good way. I mean really what were those Alabama Alpha Phi sorority girls thinking when they did that ridiculous recruitment video?

If you haven’t done the lookie loo on YouTube (www.youtube.com/watch?v=KudwS5U9ouAat first glance the video appears to be a Saturday Night Live parody of sorority girls on mushrooms or something because I don’t know of any sorority that has members frolicking on a grassy knoll (with a level of enthusiasm I would save for seeing a unicorn), in white dresses with their, obviously, over processed hair flowing like a snowy froth off the world’s foamiest craft beer.

Yes, the hair was my biggest concern. One might logically assume that all the shots of the barely clothed young women which made the “recruitment” video look more like it was a Maxim magazine ad for some sort of men’s “Low T” performance enhancing drug would be the thing that would concern me, but no it’s the hair.

You see I think all the hair bleaching, that delicate chemical dance between hydrogen peroxide and your follicle melanin, did some sort of damage en mass to all of the sorority sisters frontal lobes thus impairing their ability to distinguish between good and bad ideas because the “recruitment” video was most definitely a bad idea.

In fact, I’m pondering if these young ladies were perhaps confused about the definition of the word recruitment (although I’m sure it had to be, if not on the SAT’s, a fourth grade vocabulary “challenge” word) because I don’t think the video was trying to reach their target market of 18-year-old girls. Instead, it seems as if they were aiming to recruit an elite squad of creepy stalkers. and ex cons. Well, mission accomplished on that goal.

Now, I know it’s easy (and somewhat fun) to bash sororities, but seeing that Alpha Phi hot mess has prompted me to defend the sorority experience. My Greek sojourn was not up there with a unicorn sighting, but I want to stress that it was very positive and recruitment video free.

I loved being in a sorority and I believe they still provide some basic and beneficial needs for young women. In fact, if there weren’t sororities someone would create an app that would attempt to replicate the experience.

At their core sororities provide a place for very young women to seek a safe harbor. I remember being flummoxed my first semester by all the free time I had (and yes I could have spent that free time studying, but come on let’s be real here) and feeling not lonely, but alone. Being in a sorority gave me a place “to be.”

Having that place is very important when you’re 18 and away from home for the first time. You need somewhere to be that’s not the dorm. You need somewhere where people are taking an active interest in you.

And yes, like any group there are people in it that are uber annoying but that just makes it more interesting. We had our collection of whiners, wild childs, mean girls and 19-year-old’s that were already planning their reign as Dallas Junior League president. The girls that made me laugh the most were the “bridal bunch.”

Every Monday evening was my sorority’s weekly meeting and there was a small group of girls that would bring stacks of bridal magazines and meticulously go through them for the whole hour barely able to put them down even during the prayer. One time a few of us hid their magazines and you would thought they were being robbed of oxygen.

Now, a couple of decades later each of these women have made the trip down the aisle a couple of time. I lost count on one of them. (Not that I don’t get the love affair with having a wedding. Have you seen how amazing wedding gowns are these days? I don’t blame anyone who got married in the 1980’s for wanting a redo. God, the dresses were the worst. Loads of lace, full skirts and puffy sleeves so immense you hide the ring bearer. We all looked like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters was the fit model for our gowns.)

It’s these shared experiences (I’m talking sororities now not multiple trips down the altar) that can turn any group into a family of sorts and it’s almost never a bad thing to have more “sisters” in your life.

*Attencover_1.3-2tion Snarky Friends I have a new book out and for a limited time only it’s just 99 cents for a heaping helping of Snark! You are now gazing at the second book in the Snarky in the Suburbs series – Snarky in the Suburbs Trouble In Texas. You can buy it for your Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.  It’s also available for the Nook or you can get it for your Kobo reader. Click on a link and give it a test read.  I hope you like it! 🙂