Dear Snarky – Sorority Rec Rescinded

61110c99cb154b855df4ab9b6b85d9a7Dear Snarky,

My daughter is leaving for college in a few weeks and is going to go through sorority rush. I recently found out that someone, whom I thought was a very good friend, and is an alumna of a sorority my daughter is very interested in, did not, after promising and volunteering too, write her a recommendation  letter for her sorority and you need an alumna recommendation letter to be invited to the rush parties!

When I confronted her about why she didn’t write a rec, as promised, she had the nerve to tell me that my amazing 4.0 GPA, tons of high school awards, daughter was not “sorority material.”

I’m so angry and so hurt for myself and my daughter I don’t know what to do, but I know I need to do something. Any suggestions?

Signed, Stunned

Dear Stunned,

Take a breath. It’s not like someone backed out of giving you a kidney.  Please know that just because your crappy friend didn’t write your daughter a rec doesn’t mean she’s not going to get into a sorority. You need to survey your friend and acquaintance base and see if you know someone else who can write her a rec letter for that sorority. Also, if a sorority really wants a girl, trust me, they’ll manage to get her a rec letter.

Now, and this is going to hard, stop fixating on that one sorority. Let’s say worst case scenario you don’t get someone to write her rec letter. Big deal, maybe, if the alumnae are any indication, it would be an awful sorority and she’s better off not having that experience.

The absolute worst thing you can do is blow this up so it overshadows what really counts – the life event of your daughter leaving for college. Focus on that and as for your “friend”  I would give that B the polite cold shoulder (or middle finger) for the rest of eternity.

*If you have a question for – Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude – write me at or send me a private message on my Snarky FB page.


4 thoughts on “Dear Snarky – Sorority Rec Rescinded

  1. Julia says:

    Forget the cold shoulder that mom needs a middle finger. I saw you do this letter on TV yesterday and I heard you say that you think there is more of a backstory to these two moms than the letter writer is letting on and I agree. Some shit has hit the fan between them and one is attempting to get payback.

  2. Hannah S. says:

    Great advice about going through rush. When I went through rush at MU 10 years ago I had my heart set on being in a certain sorority. That sorority cut me after the second day of rush and I was heartbroken. I ended up pledging a sorority that I hadn’t thought of and it turned out to be amazing. I made wonderful, lifelong friends and had a fantastic college experience.

  3. Ames says:

    Good one Snarky! As a mother of four girls, who all were in sororities, I can tell you that someone not writing a rec letter is not like backing out of donating a kidney. RELAX moms! These things all have a way of working out. If you want to worry about something make it about your kid’s college GPA.

  4. Mary H says:

    If your “very good friend” is an example of the kind of person that sorority represents then your daughter is better off finding another sorority or skipping the sorority scene all together.

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