Dear Snarky,
Last Christmas, our family decided to take a vacation to a cabin over Easter weekend. Ten days before the trip, my sister mentioned she was bringing her new boyfriend and that my sister-in-law had told her it was okay.
This was never discussed with anyone else in the family. My young adult daughters and I had never met this guy and all we knew about him was that he was verbally abusive towards my sister and threatened to kill her dog. (My sister had confided that to my older daughter and allowed her to listen to a phone conversation she had with the boyfriend, so naturally my daughter was terrified of this guy.)
We called my brother and mom to tell them what we knew about this guy and that we would feel uncomfortable and unsafe being on a family vacation with him under the same roof, and that we would not go on the trip if he was allowed to go.
We were confident they would agree with us and tell my sister he wasn’t invited, but the opposite happened. My brother said everyone is invited. Needless to say we did not go on the trip.
During the vacation, the boyfriend made a social media post complaining about the trip not being ‘redneck enough’ for him, asked his friend to come rescue him and posted the address of the cabin!!! on social media!!!
My sister eventually apologized for ruining the vacation but I haven’t spoken to my brother since before Easter and the only correspondence I’ve had with my mom is her sending texts to guilt us for not going on the trip and she flat out said she will not apologize because “we are inclusive in this family.”
Huh?
Are we the bad guys or justified in being upset?
Signed, Sad Daughter
Dear Sad Daughter,
Wow, in my opinion you are definitely not the bad guys. Holy hell, nothing and I mean nothing trumps my personal safety or the safety of my loved ones.
A man who you have never met, a man who was verbally abusive to your sister and threatened to kill her dog, which FYI is the gateway behavior of a serial killer and men who commit acts of animal cruelty also commit domestic violence and child abuse is welcomed into a cabin in the woods where the guest list is primarily female.
Good God it sounds like a four part “Dateline” episode.
The fact that you expressed your fear for you and your daughters safety and was basically told to F off by your brother-in-law and your mom had the sheer audacity to chirp that your family was “inclusive” boggles my mind.
Here’s a quick list of the family members who were in the wrong:
Your sister for dating a loser with violent tendencies and then inviting this POS for a family weekend in the woods putting the safety of her family in jeopardy.
Your brother for showing zero responsibility for the safety of his family.
Your sister-in-law for not saying, “Oh hell no this guy sounds scary AF” and putting her foot down that he can’t come.
Your mother, as the matriarch of the family, caring more about being “inclusive” then her daughters and granddaughters safety and then having the balls to guilt trip you for taking a hard pass on a “Dateline” episode in the making.
As it stands now I wouldn’t walk down the street with this bunch. And yes they owe you an apology for their horrendous bad judgment but I wouldn’t hold my breath because based on what you told me they all sound frontal lobe challenged because no one in their right mind should have allowed this.
****
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Snarky in the Suburbs 