Dear Snarky – I Got Thanksgiving Dinner Dumped In My Lap

215313-grumpy-cat-funny-thanksgiving-quote-about-familyDear Snarky,

I feel like my family is taking advantage of me – again. I have a large extended family and we rotate who hosts Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year my brother and his wife were supposed to do Thanksgiving, but now they’ve backed out and want me to do it.  

I hosted Thanksgiving last year and I’m already doing Christmas so there’s no way I want to be saddled with another holiday. Everyone is acting like it’s no big deal for me to do Thanksgiving AND Christmas, no matter how much I tell them that it’s a huge amount of work and expense.

Help me get out of this without my family thinking I’m a bitch.

Signed, Doormat

Dear Doormat,

I see absolutely nothing wrong with your family thinking you’re a bitch if that means a woman who stands her ground. Maybe it’s time to trade in the doormat label and upgrade to a no means no kind of relative. Remember the saying no one can take advantage of you without your permission.

It sounds like you’ve given your family lots of permission to think of you as someone they can dump all their obligations on. Here’s your chance to change your destiny and all you have to do is say no.

Sure at first your family with be shocked and then attempt to turbo guilt you into changing your mind. When that doesn’t work some members may get a little mean or fake an illness. (Oh wait, sorry that’s my family I’m talking about.) But don’t let anyone browbeat you into doing something you don’t want to do.

You’ve done more than your fair share of playing host for the holidays and it’s time for a) other relatives to step up or b) maybe all of this is a sign that your family is ready for a change and perhaps it’s time to take break from the huge kinsfolk holiday tradition.

Just imagine a Thanksgiving at a restaurant or even better on a beach.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky – “21st Century Advice With an Attitude” email me at or private message me on my Snarky FB page. 😉

5 thoughts on “Dear Snarky – I Got Thanksgiving Dinner Dumped In My Lap

  1. kb8044 says:

    Wait, why is the focus not on the brother and his wife who dropped the ball? I’d make sure my “no” was followed up by “we’re all grown-ups now and taking turns is what even kids do.” This same approach applies when it’s time to give Mom / Dad a break from hosting, too. And don’t let “but you have the nicest house” be an excuse. You deserve a holiday too!

  2. Jeanine says:

    Have Thanksgiving at your house–immediate family only! And, if you’re still a bitch by Christmas, you can declare “Christmas is potluck this year”‘ or do immediate family only.

  3. Pam says:

    Get $50 from each family and then order the food pre-cooked from the local grocery store.
    Don’t order until you have the money.
    Charge an extra $15 per family to cover the cost of a professional cleaning company to prep the house and do a post-Holiday clean-up.

    Or….promise to do Thanksgiving and then burn the turkey and under-cook the pumpkin pie.
    But that’s just me 😉

  4. Bess says:

    Stick with your no and Snarky maybe on to something that your family is ready for a change. Try something new and if it doesn’t work all of you can go back to the big dinner at someone’s house.

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