Dear Snarky – Best & Worst of 2015

I get a lot odear_snarky_logof Dear Snarky letters some are mildly cray and others have  scared me, like back away from my computer scared me. So to help wrap up 2015 Dear Snarky style I’m going to break down the best and worst of Dear Snarky.

The absolute worst is basically anything bedroom related. Sex advice is a no can do. I’m not Fifty Shades of Grey. I don’t own a pair of handcuffs, and I’m not, umm, let’s call it a performance therapist. So if the letter strays into that territory I will send back a very polite response saying, “I’m not the help you’re looking for.”

If I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for best advice of the year it’s got to be a letter I got from a 3rd grade teacher who was stuck with the room mom from hell. Instead of helping with class parties and organizing volunteers this mom was offering insight into lesson plans, discipline, spelling tests and even the teacher’s wardrobe. The teacher was also receiving upwards of 10 to 15 emails a day from this mother.

My sage advice was to have the teacher start sharing/whining/moaning to the mom about how much better the other 3rd grade teacher was and how the kids in that class were probably all going to be selected for the gifted and talented program. Before you could say “recess” the mom had her daughter moved into the other class. Problem solved and the mother didn’t even know she had been schooled.

If there is one common theme a lot of my Dear Snarky letters have it’s that family members are driving each other crazy. I have one word of advice for 2016 and it’s BOUNDARIES as in set emotional boundaries. Don’t let things fester for, in some cases, years and then expect an easy fix. Also husbands come on, up your game and actually speak to your mom about her bitchy behavior to your wife.

My last bit of advice as we end the year is that people need to get over themselves. Stop thinking everyone was put on this great big earth of ours to hurt your feelings. Have some self-confidence my friends and swagger walk your way into the New Year.

 

New Year’s Eve Envy

dear_snarky_logoDear Snarky,

I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a decent New Year’s Eve. I’m a mom to three kids. The youngest is six and after we had our third child my husband and I just quit going out on New Year’s. Now, I feel like a loser because I will probably spend New Year’s Eve checking Facebook and Instagram and seeing everyone but me having an amazing time. Meanwhile my husband will have fallen asleep on the couch while watching a bowl game. Can you say not any fun?

Any advice to get me out of my New Year’s pity party?

Signed, Lamest New Year’s Ever

Dear Lame,

You’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you but here it is – Grow up! You are not in high school anymore or college where not being invited to the Phi Delt New Year’s mixer is an excuse for a good cry. You’re a grown women with children AND based on the age of your kids let me tell you something December 31 doesn’t matter. For any mother with kids over the age of five the official New Year’s Eve is the night before school starts. That’s when your new year is beginning; new rules, new schedule, new hopes etc.  In addition I’m going to give you the exact same advice I told my 13-year-old. Put down your phone. Start living your life and quit watching others live theirs through a series of pictures resplendent with various forms of image and truth manipulation.

When the clock strikes midnight kiss your sleeping husband and your kids and give thanks for the gift of a new year. Too me that sounds like a perfect party.

If you have questions for Dear Snarky please email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com