My Journey of Self Discovery Took a Detour at Bangs and a Spray Tan

I’ve just experienced two life-changing events.  What has happened to me recently has totally turned my world upside down. Things I thought were bad turned out to be good maybe even great. All of this has caused me to rethink my long ingrained opinions about what I thought was right.

It has been scary, this journey of self-discovery and reexamination. It has made me question everything. How could I live to be five decades and counting with such concrete opinions and then discover that I was flat-out wrong.

The two monumental things that have caused this seismic shift in my thought process are bangs and spray tans. (Uh-huh, you read that right.) For as long as I can remember, I have thought both were not just hideous but ridiculous.

To clarify I don’t dislike bangs in general I just hated them on me. I have always assumed that my square face would look creepy with bangs. When any hair stylist would mention bangs to me I would do a condescending laugh. But, two weeks ago I went where I have never imagined I would venture to – over to the bang side.

In a surprise to no one that knows me my bang conversion was based solely on cheapness. I have some Defcon 1 forehead wrinkles and the whole Botox cha-ching was never an option. The more affordable way to go was to just cover them up with hair. I thought of it like a blanket for my wrinkles.

When I approached this idea with my hair stylist she was apprehensive causing me to point-blank ask her if it was because I have a face the shape of a box? She deferred comment on that instead suggesting that before I go “full bang” I try the “side swept” look. I concurred and the rest of the story is that I, a decades long anti bangs human, am now in love with the fringe of it all. My wrinkles aren’t exactly covered but their distracted by the gentle swaying of the side swept bangs.

The other about-face in my thought process was the act of getting a spray tan. Full disclosure I have made fun of people who get spray tans for y-e-a-r-s. But in the name of research for a story  I recently got sprayed. It all felt very Kardashian-esque because the spray tan artiste makes house calls. Yes, in the comfort of my home I stepped into a spray tan tent while a certified spray-tanning expert began my Malibu Barbie transformation.

I did deviate from spray tan protocol and didn’t go the naked route (I wore a swimsuit) because I liked Holly, my spray tan friend, and didn’t want to scare her with an up close and personal look at the ravages of time combined with a Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie obsession. The whole thing took 10 minutes tops and by the next day I was sun-kissed.

The only downside was when I woke up in the morning and staggered to the bathroom I had forgotten I had been spray tanned and screamed when I looked in the mirror and saw a very well basted face staring back at me. But other than that it was nirvana and combined with my bangs I’m now beyond fabulous (or at least as fabulous as I’m going to get).

It was also taught me a lesson that maybe I don’t know everything but let’s keep that between us. It’s not something my children need to hear me confess.

Dear Snarky – I Think My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me With His New Hair Stylist

Dear Snarky,e668fb8ad7909a0ad835d3e6370092af

I think my boyfriend (of almost five months) is cheating on me with his hair stylist. About 2 months ago he started going to one of those men’s only hair salons where the stylists are women who dress all skanky. Soon after that I noticed he was getting texts from a woman he claimed was his stylist and that they were just talking about his hair.

I let it go for a couple of weeks, but now he’s getting his hair cut a lot, like every couple of days, and the texts aren’t stopping. I’ve confronted him, but he insists it’s no big deal. He’s cheated on me before so it’s hard for me to believe him.

Do I let it go or start spying on his hair appointments?

Signed, Suspicious

Dear Suspicious,

I’m curious that you see your only two choices as either believing your boyfriend or spying on him. May I introduce a third alternative – dumping him.

If in your brief relationship your boyfriend has already cheated thus leaving you with zero trust in anything he tells you then it’s time to grab some scissors and give this relationship a trim. I’d advise cutting him out of your life altogether.

Unless you love drama AND being miserable AND you consider a good time stalking your significant other while he may or may not be getting his hair cut. If that’s what floats your boat than by all means continue this relationship and embrace the misery it will bring.

Otherwise, end it and move on.

Also, as a shout out to all the amazing hair stylists out there – most are way too busy, have way too much good sense and taste than to initiate a relationship with a client. The problem is not the hair stylist. It’s you and your boyfriend.

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With An Attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or leave me a PM on my Snarky FB page.