Dear Snarky,
This past weekend my siblings and I had a family meeting about my sister. I’m one of four sisters. (I’m the youngest at 48.) Our middle sister has always been a nightmare (not at the meeting). Our parents (both deceased) always made excuses for her behavior (Drugs, five marriages, jail time for theft – I could go on and on) and propped her up. So here we are with our parents gone and now my oldest sister (62) wants us to start contributing monthly to a savings account so my sorry ass sister will have a “retirement.“
I was appalled. My parents left my sister money when they passed, as in most of their assets, since to quote my mom “Since your sister doesn’t have a husband or a job so she’s going to need our money more than the rest of you will.” Well, my sister blew all the money on trips to Vegas, like she allegedly had a casino bill that was almost six figures, and on various acts of being spoiled and unaccountable for anything her entire life.
I told my other two sisters as a single mom with twins who just started college and another child starting college soon there was no way I was going to contribute so much as a dime to my sister’s upkeep. Well, now I’m being treated like I’m some kind of monster for not wanting to “help” my sister.
My sisters keep on sending me texts about how disappointed they are in me and how my parents have to be turning over in their grave because I’m refusing to help take care of family and on and on.
Do you think I’m wrong by saying no? I just feel like we’re continuing the same mistakes made by parents in regard to my disaster of a sister.
Signed, I Think I’m Right
Dear Right,
You are 1,000 percent correct, like infinity and beyond correct, in saying “NO!
Holy hell it’s not your fault or problem that your sister blew all the money your parents left for her after they passed. The fact that your older sisters want to set up a retirement account for this sister is extremely foolish. It’s like throwing good money after bad.
Based on a lifetime of behavior your sister will just run through whatever is given her. I’m stunned your parents didn’t put the money in a trust so she couldn’t just burn through it. But again – not your problem.
Your financial focus – very rightly so – needs to be on educating your children and saving for your own retirement, not contributing to your sister’s “fund.”
Perhaps your sister needs her family to finally quit enabling her so she can at long last realize that moving forward she has to be accountable for her behavior and her three sisters won’t be her “I F’d up” safety net.
But until that happens you need to do what’s best for you and your children. If your sisters don’t agree, that’s their issue not yours. Stand firm on this and if they continue to guilt trip you just enjoy the block and delete function on your phone.
***
Oh yeah, that’s a whole lot of drama. So let’s all take a break and cleanse our cerebral cortex with some laughs. I suggest reading my latest book KILLER DANCE MOM!!! 📚It’s a Snarky mystery 👀 which means it’s a fun and fab whodunnit that takes place at a dance competition. So, lot’s of laughs and crazy coming your way. 🤣 www.amazon.com/dp/B0C4FZTK5B
Snarky in the Suburbs 