Team Thin Mint

People are really ticking me off. I’ve beedairy-free-girl-scout-cookies-now-including-all-thin-mints-also-vegann so angry that I’ve been on a social media unfriending spree. I’m so over all this hate.

Seriously, what’s going on? How can people be so blatantly wrong and not admit it? Worse, they embrace their wrongness and get all wrapped in it like it’s one of those overpriced fuzzy, polar fleece, blankets from Pottery Barn. Someone please explain to me why a person would want to get cuddly with wrong and then share it on Facebook?

I’m sure you can guess where all my anger is coming from and what “team” I’m on. For the record let me proudly state, nay scream, from my front porch (that I fear a family of chipmunks are burrowing under in an attempt to infiltrate my foundation) that I’m on Girl Scout cookie Team Thin Mint.

Yeah, you heard me Team, freaking, Thin Mint. So, take that all you traitors who have left sanity behind to embrace and brag on the new S’mores cookie because I’ve got three words for you — Get Over Yourself.

The S’mores is no Thin Mint and you’re embarrassing yourself, and quite possible our country, when you make your egregious claims, usually on social media, of S’mores superiority.

I will admit I was intrigued about the alleged swagger of the S’mores cookie. I had heard a lot of about. How it took everything you loved about the Thin Mint — the chocolate coating, the signature crispness and the special melding of flavors — and then amped it into the cookie stratosphere with the joining of graham cracker and marshmallow.

When I went to place my annual Girl Scout cookie order, which is a case of Thin Mints, (Relax it’s only 12 boxes. Like you haven’t gotten 12 boxes of something at Costco?) I felt pressured, like I was going to be judged and ridiculed, if I didn’t get some S’mores. So, I gave in and order a single box, which made the Girl Scout mom taking my order, sigh dramatically and, announce, “You’ll be sorry.”

When my personal stash of cookies arrived I was excited. My ritual is to enjoy the first Thin Mint of the New Year in the privacy of my car so I can savor the wonder and then eat a whole sleeve on my drive home. (Yep, an entire sleeve and yes I have done the caloric math.) This year due to all the S’mores hype and fear of condemnation and worse fear that I was wrong, that everything I thought was right and just in this world had changed. I decided to break with what I believed in my heart was right and try a S’mores before I had a Thin Mint.

The S’mores looks tempting. It’s square, but I have no prejudice regarding cookie shapes and it does appear to have the same exquisite chocolate coating as the Thin Mint although it does seem thicker. I cautiously took a bite.

The crunch was there and at first nibble I was intrigued, but then the cookie started to change. The graham cracker took over, muscling out the marshmallow flavor and the chocolate became an afterthought. It didn’t have the team player persona of the Thin Mint where the mint cookie and the chocolate coating are working in tandem to bring about exquisite yumminess.

My first thought was why have people become so mentally unhinged over the S’mores when it’s evident that it should be pretty low on the cookie totem pole. Come on, even the shortbread Trefoil can kick it’s butt?

Then I got angry. The Thin Mint deserves respect and this cookie isn’t going to crumble on my watch. So, beware S’mores lovers the Thin Mint, like the truth, won’t be ignored.