Dear Snarky – I’m Being Mom Shamed for Not Being a School Bus Stalker

Dear Snarky,

You would not believe what is happening in my neighborhood. There are 10 kids at our bus stop and a couple of moms have taken it upon themselves to “police” the bus. This means that everyday they take turns following the bus in their car to make sure it gets to school safely and then they group text everyone that the kids made it to school okay.

None of this makes any sense because we have had zero problems with the bus or the driver. It doesn’t stop there. Yesterday a mom got on the bus and rubbed down a couple of seats with antibacterial wipes.

Yet, I’m considered crazy because I refused to volunteer for a “follow the bus” shift. I still get the group text, but the moms will say snippy things like “not that you care, but your kids made it safely to school.”

How do I stop this? It’s ruining pretty much every morning.

Signed, Not A Bus Follower

Dear Not A Bus,

I could tell you that after the first month of school these moms will simmer down and tire of their bus stalking BUT I would be lying to you. These mothers suffer from hyper vigilant maternal anxiety that is a subset of the neurosis known, as “I don’t have enough going on in my life so I’m going to concoct various worst case scenarios.” This pattern of parenting will eventually result in their children having crippling trust and independence issues well into adulthood. (But, you know that’s a whole other Dear Snarky letter.)

The only way to get this type of mother to helicopter parent away is to give her more to worry about. So I suggest you mom shame right back with statements like, “Wow I can’t believe you’re just content to follow the bus. I know some other moms actually ride the bus so they know exactly what’s going on.” Or “Did you know that there is a crew of moms at the other elementary school that clean the buses because a black light showed that our buses are dirtier than a toilet seat at a Walmart on Black Friday.”

Once you planted those suggestive seeds these moms will hopefully be too busy to send you any more passive aggressive texts because they’ll be either riding or vigorously scrubbing a school bus.

*If you have a question for – Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude – write me at snarkyinthesuburb@gmail.com or send me a private message on my Snarky FB page. 😉

10Comments

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1

Scott B on August 31, 2016 at 11:21 am
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If the moms are driving behind the bus everyday, shouldn’t they just carpool and drop the kids off? It would be a lot faster than following a bus that hits a ton of stops on the way and takes a very indirect route. We use the bus because. . .we have to go to work and don’t have time for the drop off.
2

WTF on August 31, 2016 at 11:24 am
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Holy crap!!!!!! I agree with Scott what’s the upside of following a bus that makes a ton of stops. If you’re that big of a mom freak why wouldn’t you just drive your precious snowflake?
3

Bus Driver on August 31, 2016 at 11:53 am
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I drive a bus in an upscale neighborhood and we do have parents that ride the bus with their snowflakes. They call themselves “bus monitors” and what that means is that they sit with their kids. One mom even had her daughter, who looked like she was in the 4th grade, sit on her lap. I shut that down because of safety concerns.
4

KellieB on August 31, 2016 at 12:14 pm
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We have signs posted by the door of the bus that state that no unauthorized people are allowed on the bus. That means if a parent steps onto my bus, I have the right to call the police on them for the safety of the children. These parents need to get a life!
5

txbethg on August 31, 2016 at 12:44 pm
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I would reply to that group text:
UNSUBSCRIBE
6

Kate on August 31, 2016 at 12:48 pm
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This is ridiculous! Perhaps not a bus follower could also list various places for the crazy moms to volunteer. Something along the lines of ” can’t follow the bus because I’m trying to spend time volunteering so my child can join me later. You know it looks good on college apps”. Get those moms starting to worry about that now- that will get them off the bus. And then they get to start the “I am a better volunteer” then you game. Let the crazy begin.
7

Normal Mom on August 31, 2016 at 2:28 pm
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I am speechless. They are being ridiculous. Only if there were huge problems could I see someone doing this (i.e. like the moms who sat in on the horrible teacher’s classes–there was a problem that needed resolved). Let the children go to school and get a hobby. Volunteer somewhere. Get a part time job. LET GO.
- 8
  
  snarkyinthesuburbs on August 31, 2016 at 2:44 pm
  Reply
  
  Don’t think I don’t appreciate you giving my Mom Bomb blog a shout out. 😉 Snarky hugs are being sent your way. https://snarkyinthesuburbs.com/2010/08/19/mom-bomb/
9

Jolene on August 31, 2016 at 5:12 pm
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That poor bus driver! In many states, parents are not allowed on the bus. These women are Wackadoodles!! They need to volunteer at their child’s school so they can suck up to the principal, assistant principal, teachers, school secretary, bookkeeper, janitor. Believe me, the school employees will see them coming and just “know” what a royal pain these moms will be. Can you tell I worked in education as a secretary for 18 years?! 😉
10

Kim on September 4, 2016 at 3:29 pm
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Wow. Words can’t even begin to cover what is wrong with this scenario. I can’t cover the family dynamics of this situation and how much therapy this group of women and their families need, but I can suggest what I think the School District can do.

1) Require that all volunteers, including those that are bus monitors, submit to a background screening.
2) Use the screening results to determine placement of volunteers.
3) Assign seating on the bus for all children, no matter the age.
4) If bus monitors are actually needed, the volunteer should be trained to handle potential situations on the bus.
5). The monitor starts the route with the driver at the bus barn and are NOT monitoring the bus that their child rides to school.
6). No volunteering without the background screening paperwork submission.

As a parent whose child rides the bus to school, I don’t want any whackadoodle, alcoholic or drug addict to be the bus monitor. Nor do I want a parent whose priority is their child and not mine to be responsible for my child’s safety.

To be honest, I think bus monitor should be a paid position, not a volunteer one.