I just got engaged and while I’m super happy about getting married I’m totally disappointed in the ring my fiancé gave me. I don’t mean to sound like a brat, but the ring, which is apparently a family heirloom, is a hideous monstrosity of intertwining bands with an almost indiscernible diamond. I just can’t imagine wearing it for the rest of my life.
I make decent money and I’m totally cool with buying or going in with my fiancé on what I’m going to call a more suitable ring, but I don’t want to start any soon-to-be in-law drama. Do you think it would be okay to be honest about my feelings?
Signed, So Not A Pinterest Engagement Ring
*Thank you to the almost 100 people on my Snarky FB page who offered up their very thoughtful suggestions on how to answer this letter. I read every single one of your comments and from your insight formulated my response.
You’ve got some homework to do. First, find out exactly what the story or lineage is behind the ring. By this I mean did your finance’s dad buy it from the jewelry counter at Walmart 25 years ago or is great, great, great, great grandma’s ring from 1776. (Also, if your fiance’s mother is still alive, then umm, why are you getting her ring? Is she trying to get rid of it?)
Next, would any family members object to you getting the ring reset or modified? The answer maybe YES because that would denigrate the antique or emotional value of the ring.
Once those questions have been answered I would use the ring issue as an opportunity to explore the primary building blocks of your relationship. Have a serious talk with your fiancé about the ring. Be honest about your feelings and see if the two of you can come up with a plan that would make both of you happy. For any marriage to have any long-term success the husband and wife have to be a team and united in all of life’s big decisions. You think this ring thing is huge – just wait until you have kids or career and financial issues.
The way I see it the ugly ring is a blessing because it’s allowing you and your fiancé a chance to really examine your future and how you’re going to deal with family and conflict.
If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With An Attitude – please send your letters to firstname.lastname@example.org or private message me on my Snarky FB page.