I just got engaged and while I’m super happy about getting married I’m totally disappointed in the ring my fiancé gave me. I don’t mean to sound like a brat, but the ring, which is apparently a family heirloom, is a hideous monstrosity of intertwining bands with an almost indiscernible diamond. I just can’t imagine wearing it for the rest of my life.
I make decent money and I’m totally cool with buying or going in with my fiancé on what I’m going to call a more suitable ring, but I don’t want to start any soon-to-be in-law drama. Do you think it would be okay to be honest about my feelings?
Signed, So Not A Pinterest Engagement Ring
You’ve got some homework to do. First, find out exactly what the story or lineage is behind the ring. By this I mean did your finance’s dad buy it from the jewelry counter at Walmart 25 years ago or is great, great, great, great grandma’s ring from 1776. (Also, if your fiance’s mother is still alive, then umm, why are you getting her ring? Is she trying to get rid of it?)
Next, would any family members object to you getting the ring reset or modified? The answer maybe YES because that would denigrate the antique or emotional value of the ring.
Once those questions have been answered I would use the ring issue as an opportunity to explore the primary building blocks of your relationship. Have a serious talk with your fiancé about the ring. Be honest about your feelings and see if the two of you can come up with a plan that would make both of you happy. For any marriage to have any long-term success the husband and wife have to be a team and united in all of life’s big decisions. You think this ring thing is huge – just wait until you have kids or career and financial issues.
Now, here’s my very personal opinion that some might say veers towards bitchy. I would get a ring you’re excited about especially if you’re willing to pay for it. You’ll be wearing it every day hopefully for the rest of your life. The last thing you want to do is keep a ring you hate and that requires a back story every time some looks at it. As in “it was my husband’s great, great, aunt’s ring that her husband bought her at a Woolworth’s five and dime store before he was killed in a farming accident three months later.”
Your engagement ring should be a symbol of your love not a sacrifice you made to keep your in-laws from being pissed off. Trust me – that kind of resentment is just going to build every time you look at the ring.
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