I’ve Hit the Wall

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 10.07.05 AMI am so tired, exhausted really from all the religious brouhaha and posturing concerning  Kentucky clerk Kim Davis and her refusal to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. The rallies, the fanfare, the presidential candidates “come a calling.” Yuck.

It turns my stomach especially the whole using the Bible to justify doing whatever you want as long as you can find a passage that kind of works for you. You want to hate on someone? Well, golly gee let’s see if there’s something we can cherry pick from the holy scriptures that will make you feel not just good, but proud about being a gigantic piece of human refuse.

And maybe if you pray really, really hard your hate will be celebrated, rewarded even and if you’re “blessed” you’ll get a three book deal (perhaps even one featuring crock pot recipes for Slow Cooking Your Self Loathing), a GoGetFunding account, and a new position will be created for you at some “Christian” values group. Maybe an associate vice president of hate mongering. Oh, wait that won’t look that good on business card so let’s change that to associate V.P. of biblical elucidation. Yeah, that will work. This way the job title is open to many interpretations just like the Bible.

It’s no wonder that research shows millennials are “significantly less religious than any previous generations of young Americans.” Who can blame them? I now consider myself significantly less religious. I don’t want to be a part of anything that doesn’t just woo hate but joyously makes love to it.

In fact, I want to start a new religion called Don’t Be An Idiot. No bible just a pledge to be a decent human being who attempts to make our communal journey through life filled with compassion and just maybe, what’s the word, I’m looking for. It’s on the top of my tongue. Yes, that’s it, love! Where did love go?

That may be too big of concept and truthfully my brain is hurting so let’s dumb it down a little and think about where did common decency go? Or if that’s still too painful let’s ponder what happened to the concept of MYOB. Not everyone needs to act like the world’s most dickish HOA president – self-righteous and all up in everybody’s business.

The worst are the misguided herd who think they’re Jesus junior because they’ve parked their butts in a pew from time-to-time or have memorized a couple of lines of the New Testament. Umm, here’s a newsflash for you – just because you go to church doesn’t give you an all access pass to being a hater the other 167 hours of the week.

Church attendance isn’t like a cloak of invisibility where simply by attending your granted the right to sit in judgement of others regardless of your own behavior. I don’t think a little introspection ever harmed anyone. Hey, that concept might even be in the Bible.

And of all the things to get judgey about why gay marriage? Why the vicious, go for the jugular hate? I couldn’t care less about the whole same-sex thing. I mean why would I base my judgement of someone because of their sex life with another consenting adult?

In our lifetime we will spend significantly more hours flossing our teeth then we will having sex. Would I judge someone based on their oral hygiene? (Okay, that could be a bad example because oral hygiene is important to your overall health and minty fresh breath + my Sonicare toothbrush = true love forever.)

Here’s a thought. What if all the folks and presidential candidates that have picked hating on gay marriage as their battle cry took a little bit of break and thought about, I don’t know, some other issues of biblical proportion like war, disease and famine.

Yikes, those kind of topics don’t sound fun or “camera ready” at all. They’re onerous problems that will require untold efforts to solve. Hating on gay marriage is easy peasy.

You dig out a couple of ink challenged Sharpies from your junk drawer, get yourself some discounted poster board purchased at the Dollar Store (just don’t get the DayGlo pink because it can look a little homo) and make some snappy signage like God hates Gays and then quote some scripture to back up your dumb assery.

If that’s too much trouble (Lord knows legible penmanship can be a challenge) there’s always sharing some bible verses on Facebook (and if you’ve got the creative juices flowing you can add in some praying hand icons and an angel).

If you’re shooting for the big time you can give a “shout out to Jesus” and organize a press conference and a rally. It’s TV 101. Just grab your signs, gather up your family, friends and pew perching buddies and it’s lights, camera action. Your hope is to get a chance to cry on national television and up your social media followers. (Trust me in 2015 nothing says retweets like a good old-fashioned Bible boo hoo.)

All this seems soooo much better and less time-consuming than the hard labor involved to attempt to make even a small difference in just one person’s life. Besides, I don’t think the TV crews will be around for that kind of “boring” stuff. (Hello, can’t the poor just work harder? Boot straps, people it’s all about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. P.S. What’s a bootstrap?)

Plus you know what no media means? There goes your book deal and you just know, like divine intervention know, the one with the crock pot recipes had best-seller written all over it.

 *Attencover_1.3-2tion Snarky Friends I have a new book out and for a limited time only it’s just 99 cents for a heaping helping of Snark! You are now gazing at the second book in the Snarky in the Suburbs series – Snarky in the Suburbs Trouble In Texas. You can buy it for your Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.  It’s also available for the Nook or you can get it for your Kobo reader. Click on a link and give it a test read.  I hope you like it! 🙂