I’ve Hit the Wall

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 10.07.05 AMI am so tired, exhausted really from all the religious brouhaha and posturing concerning  Kentucky clerk Kim Davis and her refusal to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. The rallies, the fanfare, the presidential candidates “come a calling.” Yuck.

It turns my stomach especially the whole using the Bible to justify doing whatever you want as long as you can find a passage that kind of works for you. You want to hate on someone? Well, golly gee let’s see if there’s something we can cherry pick from the holy scriptures that will make you feel not just good, but proud about being a gigantic piece of human refuse.

And maybe if you pray really, really hard your hate will be celebrated, rewarded even and if you’re “blessed” you’ll get a three book deal (perhaps even one featuring crock pot recipes for Slow Cooking Your Self Loathing), a GoGetFunding account, and a new position will be created for you at some “Christian” values group. Maybe an associate vice president of hate mongering. Oh, wait that won’t look that good on business card so let’s change that to associate V.P. of biblical elucidation. Yeah, that will work. This way the job title is open to many interpretations just like the Bible.

It’s no wonder that research shows millennials are “significantly less religious than any previous generations of young Americans.” Who can blame them? I now consider myself significantly less religious. I don’t want to be a part of anything that doesn’t just woo hate but joyously makes love to it.

In fact, I want to start a new religion called Don’t Be An Idiot. No bible just a pledge to be a decent human being who attempts to make our communal journey through life filled with compassion and just maybe, what’s the word, I’m looking for. It’s on the top of my tongue. Yes, that’s it, love! Where did love go?

That may be too big of concept and truthfully my brain is hurting so let’s dumb it down a little and think about where did common decency go? Or if that’s still too painful let’s ponder what happened to the concept of MYOB. Not everyone needs to act like the world’s most dickish HOA president – self-righteous and all up in everybody’s business.

The worst are the misguided herd who think they’re Jesus junior because they’ve parked their butts in a pew from time-to-time or have memorized a couple of lines of the New Testament. Umm, here’s a newsflash for you – just because you go to church doesn’t give you an all access pass to being a hater the other 167 hours of the week.

Church attendance isn’t like a cloak of invisibility where simply by attending your granted the right to sit in judgement of others regardless of your own behavior. I don’t think a little introspection ever harmed anyone. Hey, that concept might even be in the Bible.

And of all the things to get judgey about why gay marriage? Why the vicious, go for the jugular hate? I couldn’t care less about the whole same-sex thing. I mean why would I base my judgement of someone because of their sex life with another consenting adult?

In our lifetime we will spend significantly more hours flossing our teeth then we will having sex. Would I judge someone based on their oral hygiene? (Okay, that could be a bad example because oral hygiene is important to your overall health and minty fresh breath + my Sonicare toothbrush = true love forever.)

Here’s a thought. What if all the folks and presidential candidates that have picked hating on gay marriage as their battle cry took a little bit of break and thought about, I don’t know, some other issues of biblical proportion like war, disease and famine.

Yikes, those kind of topics don’t sound fun or “camera ready” at all. They’re onerous problems that will require untold efforts to solve. Hating on gay marriage is easy peasy.

You dig out a couple of ink challenged Sharpies from your junk drawer, get yourself some discounted poster board purchased at the Dollar Store (just don’t get the DayGlo pink because it can look a little homo) and make some snappy signage like God hates Gays and then quote some scripture to back up your dumb assery.

If that’s too much trouble (Lord knows legible penmanship can be a challenge) there’s always sharing some bible verses on Facebook (and if you’ve got the creative juices flowing you can add in some praying hand icons and an angel).

If you’re shooting for the big time you can give a “shout out to Jesus” and organize a press conference and a rally. It’s TV 101. Just grab your signs, gather up your family, friends and pew perching buddies and it’s lights, camera action. Your hope is to get a chance to cry on national television and up your social media followers. (Trust me in 2015 nothing says retweets like a good old-fashioned Bible boo hoo.)

All this seems soooo much better and less time-consuming than the hard labor involved to attempt to make even a small difference in just one person’s life. Besides, I don’t think the TV crews will be around for that kind of “boring” stuff. (Hello, can’t the poor just work harder? Boot straps, people it’s all about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. P.S. What’s a bootstrap?)

Plus you know what no media means? There goes your book deal and you just know, like divine intervention know, the one with the crock pot recipes had best-seller written all over it.

 *Attencover_1.3-2tion Snarky Friends I have a new book out and for a limited time only it’s just 99 cents for a heaping helping of Snark! You are now gazing at the second book in the Snarky in the Suburbs series – Snarky in the Suburbs Trouble In Texas. You can buy it for your Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.  It’s also available for the Nook or you can get it for your Kobo reader. Click on a link and give it a test read.  I hope you like it! 🙂

27 thoughts on “I’ve Hit the Wall

  1. Joy Burke says:

    Thank you thank you thank you!! For summing this whole situation up so well, please people, lets deal with real issues out there. You rock!!

  2. irreverendt says:

    Snarky, you have hit one of my HOT buttons. There are so many quotable lines in this rant that to repeat one would be a slight to the others. But I gotta say I cry sometimes when I realize I have spent more time flossing than having sex.

  3. Barb says:

    I agree! Esp with the comments about *Christians*. I am a Christian, and it’s awful what people do and say in Jesus’ name. You nailed it saying “love” is that illusive word. Indeed.

    Happy day, I enjoy your writing!

  4. Margaret says:

    your best article yet! You said it all perfectly , although I am sure you have received some not so favorable comments!. I have always said the ones who wear their religion like a banner and judge others are the worst hypocrites of all! Why can’t we all just get along ??

  5. Kathleen says:

    This is Spot On… I have met some of these Bible in your face people before. Many have tunnel vision and enjoy repeating themselves .You can always tell when there isn’t enough REAL NEWS to report about on the TV, That’s when this garbage comes drifting to the top of the pile.
    AS always I truly enjoy your insights on current issues.

  6. Mary Bush says:

    You absolutely nailed it! Love this. As for the do-good Christians, no so much. Btw, I’m a Christian just not one of ‘the others’ (what a friend of mine calls those who LOVE throwing down that Christian penalty flag)!

  7. Nancy says:

    Nailed it, which is your gift, my sweet friend. If we could all just back up a step and follow thee one commandment…to love one another…we’d have very little to fight about. How simple. How hard. How life changing a concept.. You also practice commandment 10.5, which must have something to do with ‘thou shalt disarm the devil with gentle humor.’ Yep, nailed ’em both!

  8. Virginia Slusher says:

    You are so right, Cant believe Huckabee went there to sing and dance. Very stupid,especially for someone who has been married 4 times,I mean the clerk. She had better read the entire Bible instead of one verse.

  9. Jillybean says:

    Unfortunately, common sense does not seem to be so common these days. Maybe we have all misinterpreted Miss Davis’ motives for refusing to grant a marriage license to a same sex couple. Having been married FOUR times herself, perhaps she is attempting to protect the couple from what she believes is a flawed institution! My hope is that we are raising next generation adults that will be more respectful, LAW-ABIDING, tolerant, and more loving than what I am seeing in the news.

  10. Sharon says:

    When was the last time you took a risky stand for your beliefs in anything? That in doing so might put you in front of millions, for or against you, in the national arena?
    Would you stay the course, and be vilified on National TV, your job at risk, your family in the public eye all day every day? I think not.
    Your hysterical tirade was a disservice to you, and to Kim Davis herself. I don’t believe your comments would have run if you were a journalist charged with unbiased reporting.
    The primary focus for Kim Davis was (is) her religious beliefs, not a personal vendetta against same-sex marriage. She did not deserve your vitriolic tirade.

    • snarkyinthesuburbs says:

      Agreed Sharon if I was a journalist what I posted would have meant I should lose my job. I had zero objectivity when I wrote this. Although, I don’t think the word “hysterical” could be used to describe my writing style. Just going to throw that out there. I could be wrong.

      • my2cents says:

        I disagree with Sharon. It has become MANDATORY to denigrate, insult and HATE all things Christian and Christians themselves in our society. Snarky you would have been lauded and received numerous awards for spouting your hate filled diatribe. It is easier in our society to HATE than it is to try to understand or discuss another person’s point of view. The question of legality aside, as a Christian who “parks my butt in a pew every week” I know the passages in the bible that say we are to obey those appointed over us even if it means doing wrong because THEY not myself will be held accountable. I also know that I cannot loose my salvation. It is obvious to me the Ms. Davis has not been taught these things or to love the sinner hate the sin.

        Once upon a time I would have agreed with you and most of your readers about homosexuality, live and let live. Then it came home to roost. My second husband told me on our first anniversary about the men he was involved with sexually. Then all the advertisements for gay men cruises and gay magazines started showing up in the mail.

    • Denise says:

      Thank you Sharon. I always enjoy reading Snarky columns, but this one was just mean. Kind of the like the “mean moms” that Snarky has written about herself. It seemed that she was doing the same thing that she’s so furious with Kim Davis about.

    • irreverendt says:

      You know Sharon, there are those of us who know that the fact that Kim Davis did “stay the course” doesn’t justify her actions. Ms Davis’s beliefs, no matter what they may be can not contradict her oath of office. Why didn’t she quit? Who would if you were getting paid 80K in some backwater just for stamping and processing documents.

  11. Michelle says:

    I read your column in the 816 insert in the KC Star. Your article hit the nail on the head. I to am sick of these church going fanatics. I think whether you attend church or not, you will be judged
    on how you treated people not how many times you went to church.

    She put her hand on the Bible to uphold the Constitution, she did not put her hand on the Constitution to uphold the Bible. She should just quit but hey $80,000 a year I don’t think she will.

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