Dear Snarky for February 8, 2013

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Dear Snarky,

On Saturday my daughter, who is in the 6th grade, had invited a new friend to come over and spend the night. She was very excited about this until she got a text about 30 minutes before the girl was supposed to come over that said, she was sick and couldn’t do the sleep-over. My daughter was disappointed, but of course, understood. Fast-forward one hour – where my daughter and I see her “sick” friend at the mall with 3 other girls. I wanted to go over and chew her “friend” out, but instead did nothing. What do you think I should have done? 

Signed, Margaret

Dear Margaret,

Pat yourself on the back you did the right thing by not approaching the child who had a remarkable recovery from her illness. This whole scenario was a valuable life lesson for your daughter. First, she learned a whole lot about this girl’s character and should carry this information with her throughout her middle school and High school career. Secondly, it demonstrates a total lack of home training for a parent to let her child pull the “Let’s pretend I’m sick and bail on the sleep-over because I just got a better offer from someone else.” So, give yourself another pat on the back because you would never allow your daughter to behave this way.

As for what you should have done upon sighting the “friend” at the mall let me share with you what I did when my daughter was given the heave-ho by a “friend” upon receiving a perceived better offer.

I had my daughter text her “sick” friend, who really went to another girl’s house, to inquire about her health and then add “I’m so sorry you couldn’t come over. My mom said she was going to take us to get mani/pedis. It’s was going to be total spa day! It took a total of 36 seconds before the “friend” texted back, “OMG, maybe I can come over. Can we go in one hour?” I told my daughter to reply with, “My mom says now it’s just going to be a mother daughter thing – sorry 😦

Did I take my daughter out for a mani/pedi ? NO. Because I don’t believe in dropping $60 at a nail salon or teaching my child that all disappointments in life can be cured by spending money because you know what that leads to don’t you?  A grown daughter, on husband number 4, with three kids living in your basement while she files for bankruptcy protection from her creditors. Did we do mani/pedis at home? Why yes we did.  We’re lessons learned about friendship? Yes. Did my nails look spectacular? Also yes. And after our fingers and toes were all gussied up we headed straight towards the belly of the social media beast for all adolescents – Instagram. My daughter uploaded a darling photo of her just manicured toes. The friend who ditched her commented “I wish I was with you.”  

Advantage: My daughter.

Click here for TV version of : Dear Snarky gives modern day advice.

10 thoughts on “Dear Snarky for February 8, 2013

  1. Peggy Carter says:

    Ofcourse Snarky gave the right advice in this case. It’s called CLASS !!!! I do think of myself as a classy woman but I would probably have had a total “come apart” when I saw this young lady at the mall !! What’s really bad is that I’m a GRANDMOTHER !! My daughter has more class in her little finger for situations like this than I have in my entire body ! I always came unglued when my child had her feelings hurt and now its even worse with the Grandchildren !! Keep up the good work Snarky and see if you can suggest some self-help books for the Grandmothers of the world !!

  2. Jen Ward says:

    Well, I’ve always been envious of your ‘snarky senses’, but now that I’ve seen you on TV….your hair is gorgeous! My mental picture must be adjusted. There was a no-nonsense mom-bob (a mob?) going on in there. Great advice on the daughter drama. My daughter had a tortuous adolescence because she wouldn’t conform to what her friends wanted. And guess what? That torture and the qualities they tried to suppress have made her truly fantastic woman. And the envy of her old friends 🙂

    • snarkyinthesuburbs says:

      Thanks Jen. It’s the Suave conditioner. 🙂 I feel your pain about raising a daughter. My goal is to raise a strong woman with a keen sense of right and wrong and not to be afraid of being herself or doing the right thing.

  3. SLM67 says:

    I think my advice would have been to walk up to the Evil Girl and say “Surprised to see you here! Guess you are feeling better.” so that she knew that you had caught her in her blatant lie. Her mortification and embarrassment at having been caught would have hopefully served as a lesson, although a kid like that clearly lacks any sense of right and wrong. Gotta love those mean girls because I guess it’s just wrong to throw a red slushy at them!

  4. Sheri says:

    Snarky – Thanks for your advice. I think the same type of response (but a different activity) would work for a boy. My son had a similar experience, several times, at his small middle school a couple of years ago. Heartbreaking. Sure wish I’d thought of a way to handle it like you did (and that Instagram was available back then, too).

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