Dear Snarky

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You may not know this, but I get a lot of emails and messages on Facebook asking for advice – as in WWSD – What Would Snarky Do?  Today I debuted a new weekly segment on KCTV’s Better Kansas City where I answer letters sent to me by confused, concerned, and mildly crazed people. Here is today’s letter and my response. If you want to see the TV version of “Dear Snarky” I’ve uploaded it to my Snarky Facebook page.

Dear Snarky,

Valentine’s Day, is by far, for me the worst day of the year! I work in a fairly big office where most of us are in open cubicles which means you can see into everybody’s work space. Every Valentine’s Day I’m humiliated by the huge vases of flowers all my female coworkers receive from their husbands and boyfriends while I get ZERO from my hubs. 

It’s not that he’s not a great guy. He’s just clueless about the importance of Valentine’s Day. So, while everybody is oohing and ahhing over their flowers or worse asking me what my husband got me I just make excuses for him. There is one woman I work with who won’t shut up about how great her husband is because he’s gets her a flower arrangement that is so big it takes up most of her desk. She then walks around all the cubbies and comments on how she got the most flowers! What should I do? I’m really thinking of calling in sick on Valentine’s Day so I don’t have to deal with any of this.

Signed, Catherine

Dear Catherine,

I feel your pain as I’m married to perhaps the most unromantic man in the inner galactic sphere. Let’s just say gift giving is not his strong suit, but he does clean the guinea pig cage every week and that’s worth a lot. There’s only one way to deal with a romantically challenged spouse – get over it and buy your own gifts. That’s right girl, I’m telling you to buy yourself you own Valentine’s Day flowers. I’ve done it for years.

I’ve also had to deal with my share of show-offy “look at me, look at my flowers” coworkers.  This is what I did several, as in a lot, of years ago to neutralize that situation. Now some of you may call what I’m about to tell you a descent into a shame spiral. I call it protecting my man’s good name. Which is what any wife should do – right? 

After a couple of Valentine’s Days where I got nothing from my husband in the way of flora or fauna delivered to where I worked and after dealing with smug looks, whispered comments about hints of maybe I was enduring some marital strife and hearing women go on and on about their flowers like they were the seeds of world peace I took matters into my own un-manicured hands. I marched myself to the nearest florist and ordered a huge bouquet of roses where I had a male employee at the flower shop (because I wanted the handwriting to be a guy’s) copy on a card these words – “You are my beginning and end. My day. My night. Your beauty takes my breath away. You are the reason I smile. The reason I look so forward to tonight.” 

Yeah, it was that sappy, but when those flowers got delivered and I worked that card around the office you would thought I was married to Lance Romance. It’s called having your husband’s back because if you’re married to a great guy who just doesn’t get what the big deal is about Valentine’s Day it’s your duty as a wife to protect him. Think about it – what’s more important a bunch of flowers taking up valuable desk space in your cubicle or a man who cleans a guinea pig cage? I think you know my answer. Now go buy yourself some flowers.

Yours, Snarky

If you have a question you would like to answer in my weekly Dear Snarky segment you can email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com or message me on my Facebook page.

For all things Snarky including T-shirts, my newest book and deliciously snarky ecards click here  – www.snarkygear.com

2 thoughts on “Dear Snarky

  1. Liz says:

    It kind of makes you wonder…..How many of your coworkers are buying their own gifts and making it look as thought their husbands are Lance Romance too?

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